Yuuta Magica
by XMinerCobra
Summary: Homura always believed herself to be levelheaded, calm, and collected. That was the case until she met him. She needs a lot of more Morning Rescue to drown her confusion on what the bloody hell is happening. WARNING: this fanfiction is made of crack. Complete.
1. Yuuta

Yuuta

* * *

 **Yeah...like stated above, I am not shipping anyone with anyone. It is just extreme friendship and...holy shit this makes me look like a hater of yuri. Also AU of what could have happened.**

 **I love MadoHomu, KyoSaya and so many of the yuri pairings. I just never saw if a male was involved but there are no ships. If it looks like there is straightness, hang me. Kill me and shoot me.**

 **I'm nervous of writing this. I'm afraid. Also I'll ask you guys who do you ship my OC with...I SOUND SO CHRISTIAN RIGHT NOW. WHYAM I WRITING THIS SHIT THAT WILL GET BACKLASHED AS FUCK OH GAWD.**

 **im scared.**

 **And all characters and concepts except Yuuta belong to their respective owners. Yuuta is mine and I made him a bitch.**

 **I swear if I end up in Tropes, all yuri fans who see it will send me to Ebola land.**

 **STORY IS NOW.**

* * *

Akemi Homura.

The girl who leapt through time.

Homura was so many things but there was a word for people like her...determined. She tried saving her best friend, her only friend, all the other Puella Magi were allied, not friends.

The time based Puella Magi lost count on how many times she attempted to save Kaname Madoka. Every timeline repeated over and over again and again to the point even a person in their nineties with Alzheimer's can remember everything.

In truth, Homura is actually expected to be a ninety years old trapped in a thirteen year old's body if she hasn't succumbed to grief which she was aware of a few timelines ago. Now that is creepy.

But everything changed when Yuuta came up. See? A reference over here.

She was in a witch's barrier and she eliminated the familiars assisting the witch. The witch screamed loudly and Homura was shooting the former magical girl repeatedly with her pistol.

"Dammit..." Homura hasn't encountered this witch before at all the timeline. She accidentally stumbled upon it and not even before going back to school also, "Why haven't I seen this witch before?"

Homura was shocked that not even a grenade had an effect on it. It worked on the familiars surrounding it but the witch hasn't even sustained a scratch. This may be a witch resistant to explosions as far as she was concerned.

"Shit!" She saw the witch suddenly shoot some sort air blast by her side, the entire battlefield of a barrier's floor suddenly made an explosion next to her. She flinched as the concrete hit her face, blood running down it.

"You need help with that?"

Homura widened her eyes, hearing a voice. For a moment she expected Mami or even Kyoko...but this a male's voice. The ravenette looked behind to see a guy, who looked older or younger than her but around Sayaka's height smiling at her.

He had short brown hair, it was a bit spiky at the ends. He had yellow eyes and wore what it looked like a suit, one she was sure that boy Miki liked would wear when he would play his violin in front of people. He had this tie also that was yellow, red, pink, blue and purple,

She cringed at the terrible tastes of ties he had, even she could buy a better one!

"Who are you?" She questioned, teeth gritting at how horrible his appearance was at this time.

"Now shush. The witch is waiting for you to move. It acts on movement so stay still." Homura took those words at heart and stood entirely still. The witch didn't even shoot her again even though she was wide in the open, "The familiars act on this rule also so, yeah."

"Dammit." She struggled to maintain balance on picking herself from the ground without budging an inch, "Why are you here?"

"Hmm. Let me see, I'm here to stop you from freaking messing up time and space!" Homura widened her eyes on what he just said, "Also don't bang Madoka, don't become a devil and please give me a fulfilling story after Rebellion."

"What...?" Homura was honestly confused. She knows that some things can't go her way but for a boy who looked completely in the norm (despite the stupid tie) was looking at a witch, analyzed its strength and not try to run is totally unexpected.

She instead maintained her composure and glared at the boy, "Homura. I can see you are asking a million questions but a fucking witch is behind you still." Suddenly two gloves materialized themselves onto his hands, they looked like gauntlets than gloves.

It was made of bronze and he gripped them. Suddenly what materialized in front of him was a weapon that looked like a golden sword mixed with a drill. Homura was not sure which was the actually weapon.

"Introducing Ea people!" He announced holding the weapon down, "Homura, better not run while I use this. Don't want the readers seeing you slaughtered."

"Say what-"

"ENUMA ELISH!" He jammed the blade onto the floor and it began twisting and now looked like a drill due to the blade twisting. There were cracks surrounding where the blade was jammed and soon the sky, the walls, even the witch had cracks on them.

"Bye bitch witch." The boy chimed and then everything shattered like glass around them. Homura took the advice and kept still as the world broke around them. They were back in the real world again, an empty open parking lot,

"You can stand up now, Homura." The Puella Magi stood up and stared at the boy withdrew his gloves and the sword dissipated into the air, "Great. Now I know you'll point a gun at-" She did, "I CALLED IT! THAT ATTITUDE WILL GET YOU A LESBIAN HAREM!"

"Who are you?" She aimed the gun between his eyes. The boy gulped.

"Don't need to be so rash. I just saved your ass, but then again, I'm talking to a hostile time traveller-" His throat was suddenly gripped by the girl, "You're strong for your age-GACK!"

"Again, who are you?"

"I'm a Puerum Magi! Magical boy! This is my magical suit!" He was even more strangled by the girl, "Kyubey did an experiment if he can give a boy Soul Gems! When he found out boys can't counter as much entropy as girls do, he and the Incubators never continued it!" He took out his Soul Gem before putting it back into his pocket.

She continued to strangle him, "Grief Seed?" He brought out the droppings left by the witch, "But seriously, I don't need it."

Homura let go of him but never stopped pointing the gun, "And how do you know about me and my abilities?" She questioned him with hostility, she grabbed the Grief Seed from his hand while she did so.

"My wish was to know the knowledge of the universe and all dimensions, all timelines and I got it!" He backed away from the pistol, "I know everything, who parked their cars here, who Madoka is and what she is gonna be, all witch's weaknesses, ANYTHING!"

Homura let the gun down, this being a rather unexpected event, "So then. Do you know how to save Madoka?" She knows this a bit hypocritical but if he was right.

"Hell yeah. I know a variety ways to beat Walpurgisnacht by myself! Heh, another of my abilities is to forge weapons from my mind from the forbidden knowledge I know..." He cringed, "Yeah, I'll explain it to you but XMinerCobra will kill me."

"Who?"

"Universal knowledge. I'm not affected by your timeline reversing. Wait, you're trying to bang a fourteen year old while you are technically in your mid twenties? PEDO!" He screamed and the noise echoed around.

Homura rolled her eyes in annoyance before returning to the boy, "Then why haven't you revealed yourself yet?"

"I wanted an explosive entrance! Appearance is everything, we are words, not drawing on a screen now!" Homura titled her head in confusion, "I know everything that will happen in the context..."

"In context?"

"Yeah, confusing ending to the show." He held out his hand, "My name is Yuuta, just Yuuta."

"I guess now you may know my name." Homura looked at him, "You shall call me Akemi-"

"Nope Homura, won't do that. I go by a rule that I call people by their first names no matter what." Homura sighed and had to comply due to the sudden value increase despite the short amount of time they met.

"Alright...Yuuta-san-"

"No honorifics either."

"Okay then Yuuta." Homura transformed back to her school uniform, "Now, we shall meet again tomorrow-"

"I like interrupting you." He said with a smile, "Now, I wanna talk you about some issues tonight. Not tomorrow. Also my magical outfit is my normal clothes, not suspicious besides the stupid tie Kyubey made."

"Okay then. I will let you into my home." Homura stated and Yuuta began muttering about Kyubey being a pervert.

"Did I remind you I can create anything even if they are real in this reality or not?" His gloves returned and he snapped his fingers, "I'll bring a lady home in style. Suddenly a vehicle drove into the parking lot and it screamed badass.

"Homura, Batmobile, say hi."

* * *

Homura couldn't believe it but she did. Even most Japanese knew what the freaking Batmobile even if their entire land was based around manga. She was once invited by Madoka and Mami to a sleepover in one timeline to watch the Dark Knight Trilogy, oh shit, Joker her nightmares to this day, timeline, whatever.

But still, her eyes nearly fell inside when she first touched the famed car itself.

He told her it was the Arkham version and the two drive in it. They encountered another witch but the car turned into a freaking tank and blew the witch to death.

IN ONE SHOT.

Homura and Yuuta were in her house after the whole fiasco and he still had a grin. Homura still had her mouth agape on what they just did. Kyubey must have made some OP bastard who's a disgrace to Japanese formality.

They were back at her apartment and some architect had a field day designing her home. I mean, who made a freaking clock for a living room?

"Homura? Like my ride?" Yuuta asked the girl who woke from her trance, "Still shocked?" She snapped herself again before what was she talking to?

"H-How old are you again?"

"I made my contract with Kyubey when I was seven, so fourteen before you fucked you the timelines." He began murmuring something about Gen or something, "You seem to be having a hard time learning all of this. Morning Rescue?"

He brought out an orange bottle. Homura shook her head, "Suit yourself." He began drinking it, "Good shit this is."

"You were seven? How long can you stay without succumbing to grief?"

"Hey, you lived the same months over and over again." He retorted to her irritation, "What is there to be having grief over? I can solve any problem and make anything!"

"Anything? Prove it." Homura challenged with serious intent, she didn't know how powerful this boy was or if he can be a threat or an ally. She need to make sure if he can save Madoka.

"Alright, Morning Rescue, sorry." He twirled the half empty bottle, it then turned into a sword, "Excalibur, Fate/stay night version." He handed the blade to her, Homura felt the blade's grace writhe onto her hands, "Cool ain't it?"

"Amazing..." Homura admired the blade, it even felt like Excalibur to her, "Can you make living objects?"

"I can but I don't wanna. They'll panic if I wanna disintegrate them." He smirked, "Not telling you everything I know but what you NEED to know."

"Then what do I need to know?" Homura placed the sword on her lap, "You told me everything."

"Well, I know things you shouldn't know but what if I told you there were ways to save EVERYONE, not just Madoka?" Homura widened her eyes, she stopped trying to save everybody else and instead focus on Madoka, "Hmm?"

"Yes, I wish for that info." She agreed, her excitement tingling inside her.

"Alright then. I gotta include myself in the plan, of course and that I need to go to your school under a transfer student alias." He explained, "Can you handle it?"

"Of course." Homura nodded, "What then?"

"We just gotta play it out on the timeline until the time Mami will go into the barrier that took her life. Then we'll act." Yuuta looked at Homura, "Also I turned into Excalibur into your panties."

"Wha-" Homura saw the sword replaced by the undergarments she wore.

"I know everything." He said in a spooky voice before being punched by the girl.

And in the end of the day, Akemi Homura can only say this.

"What just happened?"

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter-Ep 1

"HELLO REVIEWERS!" Yuuta popped out of nowhere in this nuke bomb container just in case WWIII happened, "That was first chapter of this fic and we all hoped you enjoyed it!" Yuuta waved at the audience.

"What are you doing?" Homura suddenly walked in, "Why did you build a bomb shelter under my home?" She gave him a questionable look.

"Well if Taiga had a dojo, then I can have a bomb shelter." He retorted.

"You know this is offensive to everyone who died at the end of WWII." Homura pointed out, "Right?"

"I'm offending yuri fans, I'm doing so much worse." He promptly kicked Homura out of the shelter, "Tune in next time for Homura being in hell!"

* * *

 **ALRIGHT.**

 **Hope you guys like Yuuta, he's a troll but one who isn't a romantic. He'll whip, then watch him naynay.**

 **Due to his wish, his ability is Projection, magic that can create anything he has in his mind in a flawless copy, like, really flawless. He also seen everyone on the show naked. He's a perv, in his nature.**

 **The Madoka fanbase will shoot my ass, will they? They will crucify me and stuff my remains in a potato sack and watch my body down a river.**

 **He may be the most powerful magi ever. No pun intended. He can rival gods and kill them Kratos style.**

 **Review! Or else Yuuta will Batmobile yo ass. ◕ ‿‿ ◕**

 **STAY TUNED.**


	2. Homura's Seven Weeks of Hell

Homura's Seven Weeks of Hell

* * *

 **Yeah, wrote this before I uploaded the fic.**

 **I wanted to make sure I look promising here and give good stuff, not bad stuff after the promising stuff.**

 **Hopefully.**

 **I'm at the brink of being run out of FF by an angry mob of yuri lovers.**

 **STORY IS NOW.**

* * *

Homura knew the usual routine after resetting a loop. She buys clothes, forges paperwork, enrolls herself, groceries, etc. Now things were different, a new wildcard played in her quest to save Madoka.

When she meant wildcard, she wasn't exaggerating.

This 'magical boy' otherwise known as a Puerum Magi was more powerful than her by so many levels to the point it was ridiculous. He also has this nerd faze on him, obsessing over various fandoms of all things ever in pop culture.

She wanted to shoot herself (as Yuuta referred, she will shot herself one day or not) so badly. Even when she first started out and meeting Madoka for the first time, she would be annoyed.

Also pokes fun at Madoka's, her's, Sayaka's, Kyoko's and Mami's sexuality a bit too much.

She couldn't say he was wrong though...

* * *

Day 1

* * *

"Yuuta, I will get-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Homura in a moment of weakness, screamed and covered her eyes, seeing Yuuta doing...something boys should do alone.

"I'm watching porn, what are you talking about, Homura?" Homura frowned underneath her eye covering, as Japanese, it was a bit taboo for a person you barely know call you by your first name also.

"Why are you watching p-porn here?" She finally asked.

"Well, your entire home is a huge white room like every anime ever, everyone's white. The place is a clock also, how can you even refurbish your entire apartment like this?" He closed the computer, "I mean, how do you even sleep in bed?"

"I hunt for witches at night. I don't sleep." Homura stated cooly and to her surprise, Yuuta laughed at that.

"Oh that's rich...HAHAHAHAHA!" He began laughing hysterically, "I can create enough of those seeds to last a lifetime, more than two if I want. Grief Seeds and any seed I mean."

He surprised Homura yet again (at this rate, she's gonna lose her mind) by holding a sack of presumed usable Grief Seeds, "I mean, really. These things are easy to replicate." He took out another sack, "A sack of pure cash also just in case."

He plopped the two sacks onto the table and Homura blinked, "Still, I'm willing to kill a witch and just give Kyoko the goddamn seeds."

"Well, Yuuta..." Homura's eye twitched when she called him by his name, "Kyubey gave me also subsequently gave me the ability to give myself 'charm'?"

Homura blinked, sure he as Kamijo level of handsome and was a bit shorter than most boys, even shorter than Hitomi but, there wasn't much to his looks than that, "I made sure that my handsome levels don't cause the world to try sexually molesting me."

"Is that so?" Homura didn't even bother concealing skepticism, "You sound as if you're full of it."

"I am, maybe not." Yuuta shrugged, "I'm a good-ish man." Suddenly what spawned in front of him were a pair of glasses and Morning Rescue, he out the shades on and drank down the energy drink, "Swag."

Homura groaned, not sure she'll last the week.

* * *

Day 2

* * *

"Yuuta, I'm back-" She paused when she looked around her apartment, she immediately turned into her magical girl outfit before summoning a pistol, "Where are you?"

"Here!" He sat on the couch, "Like it? Your residence now looks like an actual house!" The entire place around her wasn't a clock-like design anymore but more a western apartment. There was a couch, television, desk, kitchen, everything you would fine in a middle class person's home.

Homura was pissed off.

"Why did you do this to my house?" Homura aimed the gun at him, Yuuta flinching.

"Woah! Woman, I am a man of good taste, clock houses are last season's fashion." He told her with sincerity, "Look, PS3. Wanna play some Black Ops?"

Homura sighed, expelling her magical outfit, "Why am I even bothering to be made at you?" She went down and sat next to him, "Kyubey, why the hell are you here?" She stared at the incubator with disgust.

"Akemi Homura." Kyubey spoke at them through telepathy, "Yuuta, I never suspected you to be with the anomaly."

"Trust me Kyubey. You left me in Syria the last time we met and I got shot by a child then I tripped on a mine." He then smiled, "Ya sneaky bastard." Homura can hear in her head even Kyubey laugh. Yuuta was either simple or complex as fuck.

"Well, my invitation across, twelve galaxies were heard, the Daleks, Devilukes, even Vilgax heard me." Kyubey began sweating profusely, "Wanna see them?"

Homura shot the poor bastard.

"Aw c'mon!" Yuuta glared at her with the pistol, "I wanted to scare him, I'm not stupid enough to call both the Daleks and Vilgax!" Kyubey appeared next to him, "Sorry, she's edgy."

"Well, that's a truth." Kyubey said to him, "Not even I can predict, right, Homura." The Puella Magi glared at the incubator and growled, "I'll take she doesn't like me. Care to tell me why?"

"Not saying." Yuuta zipped his mouth shut, "If you're hungry though, eat your body over there." He pointed at the corpse of his other body, "He's tasting."

Kyubey said no word and began devouring his other body, "So, Yuuta. What are we doing?" Kyubey asked while eating, Yuuta helped himself to some Kyubey corpse much to Homura's shock.

"Gonna watch the first ten minutes of up." For the first time ever, Kyubey had tears streaming down his blank face, "So you watched it." Kyubey nodded and the two ate some of the corpse.

Time to give Homura a feels trip!

* * *

Day 3

* * *

Homura got depressed after watching Up, enough to send her to bed (they warned her) and Kyubey left to do some Mahou Shoujo hunting after everyone he and Homura in a random moment grieved after watching the movie except Yuuta who enjoyed their suffering even if he was crying unconsciously.

But still holy shit that was a sad movie.

"Eh..." She tried napping some more, "Madoka, don't wake me up." She slapped the hand away from before being woken up by a chuckle, "Oh no."

"Yup, I'm here." She looked up to see Yuuta staring at her, "I mean, it's creepy for me to be here but still." Homura was currently tempted to throw a pillow and smother him with it.

"Why are you in my room. Pervert." Homura looked at him dead in the eye with a cold expression.

"Pervert?!" He looked offended, "Oh no! I'm a pervert if XMinerCobra demands it!"

"Who?"

"The man up there!" He pointed at the ceiling, "The guy who likes dissing people off with sex jokes, fun female characters and sad as fuck endings."

"So...you're blaming God?"

"No! Just...I'll explain everything later." He stretched his arms, "I bet you wanna make love to Madoka so badly." Homura blushed at the statement in denial.

"N-No!" She had this tsundere like posture which made Yuuta laugh even more, "I do not have feelings for Kaname Madoka." Yuuta laughed even harder at her denial.

"Y-Yeah right. Madoka basically made a harem anyway, you'll be loved the most." He wiped the tears of laughter off his face, "Anyway, I brought another guest."

"Who?"

"DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!" A robot or android came marching into the room with Homura's shock escalating again, "SURRENDER AND YOU WOULD NOT PERISH." It spoke in a robotic tone.

"What. Is. That." Homura pointed at the robot, turning into her magical girl outfit, not aiming a gun, knowing she may not stand a chance.

"A Cyberman. I tried replacing his brain with a dog's last night and now I had to hide behind the couch all night." Yuuta took out Ea, "I can dissipate him but that's too easy." He went towards the robot and stabbed him with the sword directly in the chest. The supposed Cyberman dropped dead on it almost instantly.

"Wait a minute." He began pulling out the sword, making the Cyberman fall onto the floor with a gapping hole in his chest, "Most reliable weapon ever!" He threw the sword to Homura who caught it, "Trust me, I can give you ANY weapon ever."

Homura stared at Ea, it was...alien, nonsensical, a weapon not even she felt right, "What does Ea do?"

"Supposedly, it can break down barriers in the universe, rip pocket dimensions apart and if I say a few words, it looks like Mitakihara was hit by a nuclear bomb in WWII more than a Walpurgisnacht." The weapon disintegrated on Homura's lap, "I never trust anyone with such a deadly weapon."

"Is that so?" Homura deadpanned, his sentence being hypocritical since the boy was technically a weapon of pure hell in a nutshell (oh, it rhymes).

"Just go back to sleep." Yuuta told her before walking out of the room.

* * *

Day 4

* * *

Homura was always a reasonable girl unlike Mami who would shoot a redhead dead.

But this was too ridiculous.

"I HAVE DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLE AND AMAZING." Yuuta screamed, Homura rushed into the living room to see it was normal, "DO YOU SEE IT?!"

"What?" Yuuta grabbed her and made her look at the TV, "I MADE HISTORY." Homura saw it was the news and wondered what did Yuuta do that was so terrible?

"And today we have news on Tokyo. *toot*." Homura had her jaw drop, while the news anchor was talking, every sentence had a fart noise in the end. Her head turned to him slowly in rage.

"What did you do?"

"Something great." Homura responded by punching him in the face, "Ow. Holy mother of meduka is Gen suffering. That hurt." He rubbed his face as Homura felt like the world's hottest (by both appearance and attitude) volcano. Even though she was a cold ass in the previous timelines, she can be brought to a breaking point.

"Why would you do that?!" Homura yelled at him, enraged, while closing the TV, "I mean, may have traced them back here after your little hack!" Yuuta fanned her face, seeing steam come out of her ears.

"Sheesh, now I know why the fans call you emotionally abusive." Yuuta remarked, "I'm a master of all things Homura, I made sure that nobody would find where the hack came from. I even planted where they're gonna trace the hack."

"Where did you place it?"

"Well, I kinda left it in the parking lot, police will find a bottle of...my essence." Homura immediately puked, "See, most people puke when I mention my essence, handsome levels go below zero after mentioning it."

She seriously wanted to shoot his Soul Gem to bits currently. But she needs him alive for Madoka.

For her.

* * *

Day 5

* * *

"Homura.' Yuuta spoke with her for the first time seriously while she sat on the couch, "I summoned a few people to ally you if you are not capable. My appearance triggers you cannot predict. Here are your team."

A group of people came out of the hallway and Homura raised an eyebrow.

"Everybody get down." A man wearing shades introduced himself, "PUT THE COOKIE DOWN! PUT THE COOKIE DOWN!" Homura put down the cookie she was eating.

"People die if they are killed." A teenager in red hair told her.

"No shit." Homura replied much to the boy's surprise and offense.

"Y-You've found me!" The white haired girl in a white dress said with tears.

"Yes, I seem to have." Homura turned to Yuuta, "Why do you think I can't rely on myself!" She turned into her Puella Magi outfit and made everyone jump back when she aimed a rocket launcher at them.

"YOU CRAZY!" Yuuta exclaimed, "Put the rocket down please." He made the three in front her evaporate, "Geez, they wanted to help."

"I can help myself, thank you." Homura stood up and poked at his chest with an expressionless face, "I am perfectly capable of-"

"CLANNAD: AFTER STORY!" He suddenly took out an IPood™ and showed her the feels, "FEELS. TASTE THEM!"

"Oh boy-" The house flooded momentarily.

* * *

Day 6

* * *

Homura today was nervous. In two days she would be forced to enroll him into Mitakihara Middle School. He already had the uniform and he did his own paperwork to get in (his IQ was surprisingly over 9000, seriously, it was incalculable IQ) and he was excited.

Not her, holy shit, she wasn't prepared for anything involving him.

Yuuta, who she just realized had no knowledge of any backstory was unpredictable, the only thing that was predictable was the knowledge how random he was. His power seemed to have reached beyond the skies and hers is an ant!

Now that's saying something.

She wondered if Madoka ever wished to be a goddess, she still thought Yuuta can beat her, heck, if Homura became a devil for some reason that would like affect everything and everyone, she would still be unable to beat him.

Why did she just think that?

Yuuta had some profound effect on her. She was more expressive than she ever felt in many timelines and that his existence entirely alienated her. She even felt Kyubey have some sort of fear of him.

For god's sake, he can alter people's perception of his sexiness! She thinks he altered his higher because she found him a tad bit handsomer.

But she didn't feel attracted to him though.

But she wondered what was his drive? She doesn't know why he never have one simple need for a Grief Seed, she questioned what is in his head. What was his life before that made Kyubey go to him.

"Homura! Stop being deep in your thoughts!" Homura woke from her trance, "You dreaming of making Madoka moan in bed and something that Gen would never do because he loves tragedy?"

"Look, I'm as straight as Kyoko's spear." Homura assured him.

"Kyoko's spear can bend." Homura responded again by kicking his scrotum, "OW...OW!"

Homura proceeded to fulfill her personal enjoyment by beating his baby maker again...again...oh gawd, blood everywhere.

* * *

Day 7

* * *

Homura was overall displeased. Tomorrow is school and she found out Yuuta wrote his first name at the forgery paperwork, he would literally be called Yuuta, that's it. Nothing suspicious about it, just Yuuta.

JUST FUCKING YUUTA.

"Why, I could have written you as my distant relative?" Homura questioned his logic, currently he wore his own underwear on his head, "Would it be suspicious if the school found out there is this student with only a single name?"

"We Japanese folk are complicated. Yuuta isn't even my real name." With that, Homura's eyes twitched.

"What?"

"Japanese folk are complicated?"

"No, the other one."

"Yuuta ain't my new name-" He was suddenly grabbed by his fancy Puerum Magi suit and pinned to the wall by the ravenette, "Oh foreplay!"

"Why in the world, would you call yourself Yuuta?"

"Hey, in this place, we all look the same. Not in a racist way. I've got many names." Yuuta began explaining, "I was stuffed a condom in the suitcase in Pulp Fiction, shot Bambi's mom. I was Hoodini at some point." Homura let go of him after seeing her attempts in interrogation failing.

"Then what is your real name?" She finally looked at him, confused more than ever than she ever been. That's saying a lot.

"Not saying." His face was now a target from a pistol, "Woah woman, I know your stability is not the best but jeez!" She finally let the gun down, "See Homura? Guns don't solve problems. Morning Rescue does!"

He handed her bottle of Morning Rescue but she pushed it away from her, "WHAT, WHO DENIES MORNING RESCUE?!" He screamed in horror and disbelief, "THE MOST ORANGE OF BEVERAGES."

"Okay, first off. Don't do crazy things at school." He shook his head, "Do not blurt out crazy things in school." He shook his head, "And do not shake your head every time you answer me." He shook his head.

"Sometimes you can't force nature to change itself." He spoke in an American accent, "Sometimes you gotta make nature wait it out-" He was kicked in the crotch, "You damaged it so much, my resistance levels on my groin increased."

"Just who are you?" Homura asked him in the most serious tone ever, "You are an anomaly, a pure anomaly that nobody can comprehend, not even the person who gave you your powers (Kyubey) is nervous around your presence."

"Well, nature itself considers me wrong!" He answered in the most unorthodox way that mankind is ashamed he was born human, "I can guess your brain is telling me that I'm too dangerous for my own good."

Homura was a bit silent, his logic didn't make sense but was the only explanation. She felt like his mind was in another plane of existence.

"A-Alright." She was honestly confused, the past week, her emotions juggled around by him, "You are aware you are a terrible person, right?"

"I know." He beamed at her, "But really, I won't bother you if you make love to Madoka, or Kyoko to an extent."

"I really wanna shoot your Soul Gem right now and end you." Homura stated, taking out a pistol.

"Okay, I'll shut up!" Yuuta exclaimed, walking away while adjusting his stupid tie, "Bah. Wonder why I colored it like this. Mami gets to look like a medieval prostitute and Madoka looks like a princess but I get to look like a sophisticated asshole."

He began muttering away as Homura was ready to shoot herself.

Not yet though.

"See, now let's watch Up again." Homura began bawling again, "Oh shit, triggered it."

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter-Ep 2

"I cried like a bitch in Up." Yuuta greeted the readers in sobs, "I'll pull myself together, we have a special guest today and it is..."

"XMINERCOBRA!" The undisclosed author came out of nowhere, "Hiya Yuuta."

"Hey." Yuuta sat next to him in the radiation free couch, "A lot of people ask, why the fuck you would make this if you knew yuri loves will run you outta this place?"

"Well, I wanna explore new deeps in FF. This fandom loves yuri so much to the point any mention of males would be illegal. I wanted a fic that doesn't offend the fanbase but still has a male character."

"Well, you're fucked!" Yuuta stood up and had a hat, "News says that yuri lovers found where you are."

"THEY FOUND ME?! CUT THE PROGRAM-OH GAWD, THEY'RE COMING IN! FACK!"

* * *

 **HEY GUYS!**

 **Yuuta is especially random, a bit of a pervert also but it is in his nature. Also if you think Homura is going tsundere on him, who wouldn't? Remember, no romance but I would tease you guys once in awhile.**

 **Review! Yuuta will get Arnold, Shirou and Menma to get you ass if ya don't.**

 **STAY TUNED.**


	3. School Days

School Days

* * *

 **HERE WE GO!**

 **ACTUAL PARTS OF THE ANIME ARE HERE!**

 **I'm so sweaty where I am.**

 **Kalafina and Aimer4Life**

 **Yuri lovers, have mercy on my soul.**

 **STORY IS NOW**

* * *

Yuuta was busy humming a ridiculous and lovely tune right behind Homura, "Thanks for those two students for providing the opening song to the anime." He laughed heartedly much to her irritation, "I mean, I really don't it, the opening shows Madoka having bigger boobs than the show. I also really don't get how Japanese girls where panties and call it gym shorts-"

"Can you please just shut up." Homura interrupted him as they walked to the school, Yuuta finally wearing the uniform, "I had to stress forging the papers to let you in and I don't wanna be stressed because of you right now." She huffed, due to Yuuta's...nature, they left early in the morning before most students.

"Oh! Homura getting a bit more interactive!" He teased her, "Also if you wanna date Madoka, I created a guide just in case." He brought out a literal novel, "Just for you."

Homura grabbed it from him and stared at the title, literally titled 'How to Bang a Pink Girl in the Most Non-Racist Way Possible', "You look it, eh-" She was suddenly kicked in the nuts by her again, "Alright...did not expect that." He groaned in pain.

Homura secretly put the book away in her bag as he moaned in pain.

"Alright, alright." Yuuta spied on the three girls, jumping in tree to tree, Homura told him to spy on them and he talked with her through an earpiece, "The three girls are talking about Madoka's cute ribbons currently."

"Okay." Homura actually wanted Yuuta out of the picture until class because he'd likely get arrested, "What else?"

"Hitomi being talked about her love letters, Jesus, I mean, how can every student have such big boobs at this school? I mean, look at Mami!" His ears temporarily died when Homura began slapping her earpiece purposely, "I won't be a perv! Sorry!"

"Good."

How could you do that?! Come here, you shameless little girl!" Sayaka tried grabbing Madoka while Yuuta watched from afar, looked at the adorable scene but with that sentence Sayaka made...it was a bit perverted.

"Shit, gotta go." Yuuta jumped down and began rolling away with his Invisibility Cloak.

* * *

"I have something important to say to everyone. Please pay attention." The teacher named Kazuko Saotome said, "Do you like your fried eggs fully cooked or half cooked?" She pointed her stick at that Nakazawa kid, "Answer me Nakazawa-kun!"

Yuuta was under the desk and sneak into it via Invisibility Cloak he conjured up. He was busy trying not to laugh his ass off.

"Ah." He whispered to himself, "Middle school." He jittered underneath himself.

"Okay. Now I have not one, but two transfer students to introduce to everybody." The class talked a bit to themselves at the news, one complaining about the eggs part earlier, thanks to Yuuta's mastery over Earbending arts, he felt Homura was walking behind the class.

"Please come, Akemi-san!" Kazuko introduced the raventte who walked him slowly, "Where is the other student?" Kazuko looked around.

"THE GLORIOUS YUUTA IS-" He made the cloak vanish and he bumped his head while he was under the desk, the class ignoring Homura entirely and everyone stared at the teacher's desk to where the noise came from.

Homura wanted to slap herself so much.

"Uh..." Yuuta began crawling out. The entire class looking at him in shock, "Ow..."

"I didn't notice you sneak under there!" Kazuko didn't look mad, just impressed, "You must be the new transfer student alongside Akemi-san!" She motioned for him to stand up which he did before slapping himself to get rid of the dizziness.

"Alright, let me start again." Kazuko coughed, "This is your new classmate, Akemi-san!" Everyone began discussing to themselves how beautiful she looks while Yuuta knew Madoka was thinking Homura was in her dream, "And here is..."

Kazuko paused, "What was your full name again? I only remembered your first name." She turned to Yuuta who merely had a devilish smile.

"Yuuta, just Yuuta, no honors, please." Kazuko and the class blinked, he didn't look American but still...their cultural taboos.

"Well then...Akemi-san, Yuuta. Please introduce yourselves." Meanwhile, Yuuta wanted to troll Homura by heightening his attractive levels.

"I am Akemi Homura. Nice to meet you all." Homura introduced herself.

"I am Yuuta everybody, just Yuuta." He bowed in a stylish way in front of them. Suddenly all their hearts were attacked by his charm. Homura gritted her teeth under her lip as Yuuta personally wrote both his and Homura's names on the board behind them.

"Wow, he's Kamijo level handsome!"

"He's strange but for some reason, I don't care!"

"People die if they are killed."

"No, I am your father."

"What kind of 'nese' are you?"

Yuuta hurried towards his seat and Homura bowed in front of the class before going to hers. It seemed like they lost the ability to clap before clapping loudly at their new classmates, one hot one and one ravenette.

Afterward, Homura was basically being mass harassed by girls of the class. Yuuta believed it was personal to ask what shampoo did you use as he used his Invisibility Cloak to hide from boys trying to recruit him or some shit.

Yuuta was currently and creepily behind Madoka and Sayaka and Hitomi.

"Akemi-san seems so mysterious." Hitomi commented, "Also Yuuta-san is a bit odd." Yuuta gritted under his teeth at the honorific he was given, "Did you hear that?"

"Likely nothing. Madoka, do you know her...or him?" Sayaka asked her best friend, "It seems like they have been staring at you for awhile now." Sayaka then beamed up, "Which one is the admirer?" She gave Madoka a rather sky grin and the pinkette reddened. Madoka was to speak but then.

"Excuse me-" When he made the cloak disappear, Sayaka slammed a fist down his head, "OW!" He rubbed his head, the three girls looking shocked.

"S-Sorry!" Sayaka apologized as he was helped up by her and Madoka, "You surprised me, that's all!"

"Ah, you got extreme strength." The three stared in shock as what it seemed like a waterfall of blood come out of his mouth, "Ah, a bit too much strength." The class stared at him as blood rushed out of his mouth. The three girls backed away in horror, "My tongue came off. Nice job."

He spoke in gurgles as everyone, even from the other classrooms stared at the now blood drenched boy with the floor being a puddle that is too big for its own good, "Who's in charge of escorting to the nurse's office? Your blow is too powerful."

"U-Um, me?" Madoka raised her hand, less blood flowed out of his mouth, "B-But we should call an ambulance." Yuuta shook his head, "W-What?"

"No, just a MINOR injury." He opened his mouth to laugh, showing his bloody mouth. Madoka wanted to fainted right there. Sayaka was busy staring at her own hand like she was Jojo and Hitomi ran away...

"I don't feel well. Kaname Madoka." Homura walked up to them, the blood on her shoes, "Can you please escort us to the nurse's office? You are class nurse."

"O-Of course!" Madoka kept her distance from Yuuta and the three hurriedly walked out of the classroom, receiving stares mainly due to Homura leaving a disgusting trail of bloodied footprints while Yuuta was leaving out blood entirely, one student puked once he passed them.

"Um...excuse me?" She tapped Homura's back, "How do you know I was the school nurse?"

"Saotome-sensei told me." Homura answered cooly, Yuuta was busy sucking as much blood in. Madoka was shocked that Homura wasn't disturbed by the bloodied boy behind them.

"Oh r-really? Well, the nurse's office is-" Homura kept walking, silencing Madoka.

"Girl likely has a crush on you." Yuuta told Madoka who turned to him, he looked like Dracula now, shit, "Don't waste this time to bang her!" Madoka blushed at his statement that was so...naughty.

"This way, right?" Homura asked her, she looked behind her to see Yuuta not bleeding out of his mouth.

"Y-Yeah, you're right..." She turned to Yuuta, "So...Yuuta, I'm sorry for my friend's...damage!" She apologized on Sayaka's behalf. He smiled giving a rather disturbing image.

"We aren't going to the nurse's office, are we?" He questioned with a nervous look, "Homura will likely molest us."

"E-EH?!" She jumped at that idea, she turned to Homura, "Akemi-san-"

"Call me Homura." She stopped her from talking as they kept walking.

"Homura, is a very fancy name!" She exclaimed, Yuuta tapped her back, she turned to him and he shook his head, she got what he meant, "O-Oh, not in a weird way...I think it's cool!"

They stopped by the bridge intersecting the wings, Homura turned to Madoka and the two stopped walking.

"Kaname Madoka. Do you believe that your life is precious?"

"This is getting to yuri levels of weird, excuse me! I'm gonna escort myself outta here!" Homura wanted to shoot him badly, "See ya! Gonna change myself." He walked away as the two watched.

Homura sighed in relief, a bit from Madoka also.

The rest of the day is eventful. Mostly for Homura and everyone else not Yuuta. Sayaka was trying to break her desk apart with bare fists though.

* * *

The class was surprised when Yuuta came back and cleaned all of his blood trail with a 'magic' mop as he called it and he wore this suit with a very tacky tie. He took Homura's place and solved an equation too complicated...then made an entire new mathematics system right there and then.

He actually didn't join the boys at their P.E class and joined the girls who were gonna kick him out but he offered if he could beat Homura's record (currently the highest one), he would be allowed to join. Everyone was shocked he DESTROYED Homura's record and the coach thought he broke a world record.

All in his goddamn suit.

He immediately became popular with the girls as a boy version of Homura but 99% more insane but efficient. During track, he flailed his arms around like crazy and ram for first place, breaking another world record. Homura noted how much stronger he was, with or without his suit.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kyubey watched him in the shadows.

In the mall, the three girls were conversing on the events just happened today. Sayaka was busy trying to smash the chair to bits with her bare hands.

"Sayaka-chan, can you please not do that here?" Madoka pleaded to the girl, "We don't need to be reminded of what just happened."

"I don't get it! What is going on today?" Her two friends looked at her, "I mean, this hot chick comes up and looks to emo for her own good then this crazy (hot) boy who was nearly bleeding to death suddenly comes back wearing this suit and a bad tie and demolishes academically and athletically!" She exclaimed in frustration, "We got WAIFU and a HUSBANDO in our school!" Sayaka plopped her on the table.

"I'm also wondering where he got the mop from." Hitomi stated, "Madoka, you were with them towards the nurse's office. Have you've ever met Akemi-san or Yuuta-san in your life?"

"Well, assuming I haven't lost mind."

"What, you're partially crazy?" Sayaka sat back up.

"Uh, I kinda saw Akemi-san in a dream last night." The two friends of her slurped their drinks and began laughing.

"Wow Madoka-" Suddenly something plopped onto the table, Sayaka and Hitomi recoiled in shock and Madoka stood still, frozen. All costumers helped the girls and got Madoka out of her seat as there was debris and a body on the table.

On the roof above the table, a human shaped how was there.

"Gah. Oh shoot." He body stood back up to everyone's surprise, he wore a helmet of a jet pilot and a suit of one, "Parachuting without a parachute is not a good idea."

He took off his helmet, revealing Yuuta to the three girls' shock, "Man, hey Madoka! Sayaka, don't pound my head again. Hitomi! There is no such thing as forbidden love!" He looked at them, seemingly unscathed of what happened. They were frozen in shock of what happened.

"I need to pay for this." He went to an employee and gave him a sack of cash, a huge one from nowhere, "Here ya go! Enjoy your day people!" He began walking while whistling away, the patrons of the restaurant having a 'wtf' face on.

"Wat." Madoka finally said.

* * *

Even after that ordeal, Madoka and Sayaka went to the CD store, still startled by the events that happened that were implausible. Yuuta disappeared and the mall security along with the police searched for him. They never gave out his name though. Hitomi left early so it was only the two of them left.

Apparently, Madoka had followed a voice to...a parking lot? It was empty and someone screamed help to her. A ceiling panel was about to fall above her and she jumped back (gee, Yuuta technically now made her react to stuff like these) and to her shock, a creature of sorts was laying on the panel, broken as fuck.

After some 'OHS' from Madoka, she knelt down and grabbed the creature despite it likely has rabies, "Was it you?" She asked it, likely a question like 'Are ya fucking alright?' would be more satisfying than this.

"Help..." Kyubey said in fake emotion, suddenly chains rained down from the ceiling and Homura in her magical girl outfit was in front of the pinkette.

"Homura-chan?" Madoka spoke out in confusion.

"Hey guys!" Everyone turned to Yuuta was was casually walking towards the, back in his suit, "Man, Homura, this popcorn from Chef Tony's™ (please support Chef Tony's their popcorn is godlike) is AMAZING! Want some?"

"No." Homura blankly replied before turning to Madoka, "Leave him alone." She said to Madoka in the most cold way possible.

"B-But, he's injured."

"How can you tell it's a he?! Damn fansubs." Yuuta cursed, "But really, you guys should try this popcorn, holy shit it tastes so good." Madoka stared at him and Homura with a mix of fear, confusion and disturbance. She was basically at a gunpoint here and Yuuta-san decided popcorn is the best idea?!

"This is not your time Yuuta." Homura growled at him before walking up to Madoka, "And this is not your business."

"B-But he asked me for help!" Madoka pleaded as of Homura was gonna molest her.

"Oh gawd. Homura, get a room before doing this!" Yuuta turned away, Homura shooting him a look before returning to Madoka.

"Really?" Homura questioned Madoka, the chains around them clanging while Homura gave this deadly stare. Suddenly Sayaka with a fire extinguisher doused Homura and subsequently Yuuta with chemicals.

"NO! CHEF TONY'S!" Yuuta sobbed as his favorite popcorn has been vandalized, "YOU MONSTERS!" Fuck despair, this is the true tragedy Gen wrote down, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR HOLY MOLEY HORSESHIT! BUT WHY THE POPCORN! IT WAS TOO YOUNG!"

"Sayaka-chan!" Madoka ran to her friends side and Sayaka threw the fire extinguisher at them, Homura blasted away the Zchemicals but Yuuta was still crying over his popcorn.

Great, now the witch showed up!

The two magical teens were now surrounded by a meth dream of sorts with butterflies, barbed wire and cards! What bastards.

"Woo! Now this is gonna get interesting." Yuuta chimed. With Sayaka and Madoka, they were running for their lives through the metal...place, they never explained where they are, ok?!

"What the hell is she doing?!" Sayaka yelled as they ran, "Is she dressed up in a costume trying to kill someone?! And why is Yuuta-san there?!" Her last questioned was the most wanted answer, Homura depending on her attitude might like killing fetishes, "By the way, what's that in your arms?"

"I don't know...but I have to help him!" Now there were running into drug lands...

They looked around, confused on their whereabouts, "What? Where's the emergency exit? Where are we?" Sayaka wondered.

"W-What's going on here?! Everything's changed!" Yeah Madoka, no shit.

"I've had enough! What's going on?!" Sayaka said outlaid, Madoka perked up and looked behind her.

"There's something behind us!" Madoka exclaimed, to their horror, the monstrosities were...mustaches, "Eh?" The two paused and looked around the drug world they were in.

"This isn't real. I just snorted a bag of crack, right?" Sayaka hugged Madoka, "Madoka, I'm having a nightmare, right, RIGHT?" The mustaches were more frightening now, who knew? Also there was also this floating dog that looked like a dick going past them, I'm drugging the readers more everyday.

Fuck it! Deadpool.

"Hey guys!" Deadpool suddenly ran in front of them with chains, "Woo! Cameo!" He promptly left and suddenly below them was a seizure inducing light. Madoka's mouth foamed but she can deal with it later.

They had no words after Deadpool showed up.

"That was really dangerous, but you're safe now." Suddenly a blonde with drills for hair and likely the biggest mammies ever showed up behind them. They turned around to see her holding a chain and a jewel of sorts in her palms.

"Wow, you saved Kyubey?" Mami asked in an impressed tone, "Thank you, he's an important friend of mine."

"I heard him. He spoke in my mind." Madoka brought up, well, the usual question is 'who are you', 'the fuck just happened', and 'what do you stuff in your bra'.

"I see." Mami nodded in understanding, "Based in your uniforms, I assume you two are from Mitakihara, are you second years?" Sayaka still couldn't keep her eyes off those melons.

"W-Who are..." She still stared.

Mami ignored her stares and kept her usual demeanor, "Right, I need to introduce myself first. But before that..." Chains around them spiraled into a cage. Oh great. The Puella Magi transformations.

"SHIT. SHE LOOKS LIKE A MEDIEVAL BARTENDER." Mami shot a glance at where Yuuta's voice came from, and how the person can see all the way from there, but decided to focus on the matter in hand. She brought out muskets from nowhere, "RAINING MUSTACHES! HALLELUJAH!" The mysterious person narrating from afar screamed as Anthony's mustaches were everywhere.

Madoka and Sayaka stared in awe at their savior, "C-Cool!" Madoka can only say, the little pinkette still has the worst words for these situations. The world around them began to fade back to normal.

"I-It's back to normal." The two not magical people sighed in relief but their moment of happiness was silenced when Homura and Yuuta appeared in front of them.

"Hey." He waved, "Morning Rescue?" He offered them, "Sayaka, I can forgive you for nearly crushing my skull but when someone messes with my Chef Tony's. I won't kill you, or hate you. But never. Ever. Do that again."

The three stared dumbstruck and Homura slapped her forehead in frustration, breaking her deadly stare.

The witch has already fled. If you want to kill her, please go after her as soon as possible. I won't get in your way this time." Homura regained herself and stayed silent.

"I need to deal with-"

"Morning Rescue." He jammed the bottle up Homura's mouth, Sayaka giggling afterwards. Mami then turned to Yuuta with a calm expression.

"And who are you supposed to be?" She knew something wasn't right about this boy but she needed to be made sure, "Are you her sibling? Or civilian she must keep an eye on.

"Nah. Kyubey never told ya but I'm a MAGICAL BOY!" He made a rainbow motion with his gauntlets as if he was Spongebob saying 'IMAGINATION', "I live with this crazy son of a bitch and I slept with her."

Everyone but Yuuta turned red from this statement, "Oh sorry, I meant I crawled up in her bed in her sleep. Not sexually molest her." Everyone stopped blushing after that correction before Mami gave this sickening calm stare.

"Well, I won't kill you both this time-" Suddenly Yuuta gave a surprise scream that made Homura fall on her face. The ravenette picked herself up immediately afterwards.

"Sorry, just wanted to do that." He laughed suddenly, Homura didn't even get a goddamn chance to speak. She suddenly withdrew a gun and shot his abdomen to everyone's shock, "FACK. Just kidding." He had the bullet in his hands, "Next time, aim for the gem. Hid it somewhere nobody would wanna shoot."

"Your butt crack?"

"FUCK."

"Well then." Mami exchanged a rather amused look at them, "You two better not cause trouble, otherwise I may have to deal with you." With that, Homura slowly turned around and jumped down, Yuuta threw a Morning Rescue at Mami who caught it.

"Gen is suffering." He followed Homura suit, the two began walking away as Homura reverted back to her school uniform.

* * *

"So, hey, Homura." Yuuta looked at the girl, "You coulda did sweet Madoka love if you weren't so threatening." Homura didn't respond but gave him a cold look.

"Alright, guess I can save that for another time." He paused momentarily, "Tat ending to Up though-" Homura began bawling, "Shiiiiit-" The two flooded the supposed parking lot in a minute.

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter-Ep 3

"Hello my crew and all!" Yuuta came in, wearing bling and rapper related clothing, "I'm offending in all new levels." He sat on the couch with a sudden frown.

"Today, we have a new guest!" Mami came in, headless and all, "Hey, that ain't supposed to happen!" He exclaimed, "YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HEADLESS YA BIG BOOBED BASTARD!"

"Big what?"

"I mean, a little big." He corrected himself to the headless girl pointing her gun at him.

"WHAT?!"

"I mean, chubby." He closed the camera due to the scene getting violent afterwards.

* * *

 **HEY GUYS!**

 **Took awhile to make this, copying from a fansub is tiring,**

 **pls don't kll me yri lvers**

 **Review! Yuuta loves hearing your opinions!**

 **(Yuuta brings Ea)**

 **STAY TUNED!**


	4. Poop Witch

Poop Witch

* * *

 **Hey guys! I'm a bit lazy because of how badass Xenoblade is. I'm addicted.**

 **Too addicted.**

 **Yuuta: I swear if you ship me with Kyoko...**

 **Heh, sorry, not gonna do that or else the yuri lovers will shoot my ass. Also Nagi no Asukara's second opening song though ;-;**

 **STORY IS NOW**

* * *

"WAKE UP MADOKA! TIME FOR YOUR SCHOOL!" Yuuta held his cymbals against Madoka's ear. Madoka opened her eyes and blinked, she saw Yuuta holding the damn cymbals. Madoka stared at him before narrowing her eyes.

"A hallucination and a weird dream." She yawned, Yuuta had this look that read irritation, "Great, now I'm thinking of boys."

"Look behind you." Yuuta told her and Madoka turned around to see Kyubey on her shelf of plush animals staring at her.

"Good morning, Madoka!" Kyubey welcomed her with the same false innocence he was infamous for. Madoka gasped before sighing, Yuuta then began hearing the opening and the two nude Madokas.

"Ah, fun times." He teleported away to Homura before Madoka realized his presence was real, "EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS FAKE! YOU LIVES ARE NOTHING MORE THAN ANIME!" She heard his echo before frowning and shrugging off the echo.

"Where have you been this morning?" Homura tapped her feet in impatience, sheesh, he must have annoyed her out of her to make her talk with him before class.

* * *

"Woke Madoka up. No harm done." Homura slapped her forehead, "Trust me. I'm not a pervert."

"Uh, fuck me life." Homura said to herself before widening her eyes, her intelligence and coolness is going down, "Uh! Why is my mind breaking down?!"

"I'm an awesome guy, that's why, Homura." He gave a thumbs up. Homura's eye twitched.

"And again, call me Akemi-san. Not Homura." She demanded with sternness.

"Why not?! I know I shouldn't be subtle racist, that's XMinerCobra's job but really! I live with you, no Japanese name pronouncing shit for this." Homura spanked his head, "Ow..."

"Who's this XMinerCobra person you keep blabbering on about?" Homura asked, "You keep bringing him up nearly every hour."

"It's someone I don't wanna talk about..." He trailed off, Homura raised an eyebrow at his hesitance, "I mean, I REALLY don't wanna break a wall here. A really big one."

"A wall?"

"Oh gawd, it's cracking." He began sweating nervously, different from his normal upbeat attitude, "SORRY, GOTTA REPAIR IT!" He dashed away, leaving Homura there, "FORBIDDEN LOVE!" He screamed, his speed was frightening as he left dust on whatever he passed.

"I'll never understand him. Kyubey must have broke his sanity." Homura blinked, "Why am I talking to myself?"

* * *

Madoka sat on her chair the invisible Kyubey going on the desk, "Hey, you look like you don't look concerned being in school." Kyubey spoke to her through telepathy.

"Why would I be?" Madoka questioned to Kyubey's amusement.

"I told you, the girl from yesterday just transferred into our class. Isn't she trying to kill you?" He reminded the two girls.

"I think I'm safer at school. Mami's here but that's not what I'm worrying about."

"Yuuta? Oh, I know him. He speaks the truth, he is a magical boy." Kyubey stared up at them, "I made a contract with him a long time ago, his power makes Mami's look like a very busty ant." The two girls were stunned at the declaration.

"I can hear you."

"Oh yes, Mami's in the range of my telepathy." Kyubey informed the two.

"G-Good morning Mami-san!" Madoka greeted her senpai.

"Good morning Kaname-san. Don't worry, the black haired girl won't come after Kyubey in public, I cannot saw for this Yuuta person."

"Sorry for the busty ant comment but it's true." Kyubey apologized.

"Forgiven, but this Yuuta person is a rather mysterious person to read. Who is he?" Mami asked, Madoka and Sayaka listened for Kyubey's explanation but before he can, Homura walked into the classroom.

"Where's Yuuta?" Kyubey wondered, Homura gave Madoka this deathly stare that read yuri all over it. Madoka held her breath before Sayaka turned to her.

"Don't worry Madoka! If she tries anything, I'll smack her real good."

"That sounds really gay Sayaka." A new voice entered the telepathy line, "Yuuta here! I kinda broke into your system Kyubey."

"You can do that now?" Kyubey asked, amazed in his tone.

"Yup, now Madoka, Sayaka, look at your desks and back to me." Madoka and Sayaka had looks of confusion.

"And why should we?" Sayaka questioned, suddenly out of nowhere a flashbang was stopped in the middle of the class and shined everywhere in their eyes. Since the classrooms had windows, the light was bound to hit a few more classrooms.

"MY EYES!

"I'M BLIND!"

"IS THAT GOD?!"

"CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!"

The flashbang wore off and everyone saw Yuuta holding a grenade in his hands, "Don't worry folks, minor setback, although many of you are dazed and messed up." Sayaka stood up to punch him but fell on the floor instead, "Oops."

"WHAT ARE YOU?!" Sayaka screamed through the link, Yuuta mind whistled, "YOU CAN MIND WHISTLE?!"

"Yup." He began making a deathly orchestra out of his head and Madoka and Sayaka clutched their ears, but forgetting it was in their minds only,

* * *

It was class now and the school excused the flashbang for a light system error. Homura stared at Yuuta who was secretly playing Xenoblade Chronicles for new 3DS (yes, I pulled it out). He didn't need to study due to his smartness.

Madoka stared at Homura who was staring at Yuuta, Sayaka and Kyubey were napping so the stare chain couldn't go on. Madoka smiled at the two as she began sketching her Puella Magi outfit.

"So, you busy?" She heard Yuuta call out to her, "Kyubey isn't the only one who can make a telepathic link."

"Oh! Um..." Madoka tried something to say.

"Hah. Cute. I can see you're sketching." Madoma glanced at Yuuta who was busy staring at his Xenoblade, "I know many things. I'll give you some tips also."

"Eh? What tips?" Madoka asked him and she heard him psychic laugh.

"About Kyubey. I won't spoil it for you, but I'll tell you two tips. One, your Puella Magi powers are depending on your wish." Madoka nodded, "And two, Homura wants to bang you."

"E-EHHHHHH?!"

"Just look at how she stares at you. The eyes scream 'TAKE ME! TAKE ME NOW!'" He began making Homura-like moan sounds to her embarrassment, "If straight doesn't cut it out for you, Homura will there to have fun in bed all night long."

"W-Wha-"

"I'm cutting the line." Suddenly, she couldn't here anything anymore. She turned and saw Yuuta looking at her, winking as her face turned red.

* * *

The bluenette and the pinkette were on the roof, Madoka feeding Kyubey some...food, "Hey Madoka." Sayaka turned to her, "Have you thought of a wish?"

"Have you?"

"Can't think of anything, it isn't helping that boy is breathing down our necks." Sayaka stretched her arms, "I kind of thought everyone would have one but...there are a trillion wishes I want." She stood up, "But the risking my life part doesn't sound good to me. I don't want anything that bad."

"I'm surprised, most girls would get their wish on the spot." Kyubey commented, "Also Yuuta summoned a telepathy line." The two turned to him, "Boy surprises me."

"Yo yo! Madoka and Sayaka!" They groaned, "I'm gonna follow you guys latter, Homura will have my head, over and out!" The line fell dead, Sayaka headed for the fence and grabbed the wires.

"Who is that boy Kyubey?" Sayaka asked him, "You seem surprised by his very existence, and that's saying a lot."

"It's...a day I would not like to remember. I've seen some terrible things in my life but...Yuuta stole the cake on disturbing." The girls shivered, feeling Kyubey's regretful tone.

"I see. Maybe ignorance is best for now." Sayaka said, "It's not like wishes you'd give your life for are that unusual. I guess a lot of people out there have them." Madoka stared at her friend Sayaka gripped the fence harder, "So if we can't think any because how lucky we are...our ignorance is truly a blessing."

"Hey guys!" Yuuta's voice chimed in, "So you-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Sayaka screamed, "I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU KEEP ON COMING HERE, I WOULD BEAT YOUR ASSHOLE!" Madoka jumped back at Sayaka's outburst.

"Alright, beat my asshole? Meet me at that hotel latter to do it!" Yuuta's sentence made Sayaka go red, "You owe me this much after Chef Tony's." He bleeped out, Sayaka sighing in relief.

"How do you keep up with someone like him Kyubey?" Sayaka asked the Incubator, "Why did you give him a wish of all things?"

"I didn't expect him to act like that after the wish." Kyubey shivered, "Actually, he was the opposite back when I first met him."

"When you first met-" Suddenly the wind blew, Homura and Yuuta standing there with extreme ominous presence and began walking towards them...Yuuta more or less strolling.

"Hello ladies~" Sayaka moved next to Madoka, "Nice to see ya'll here."

"Don't worry." They turned to see Mami standing by a nearby tower holding her Soul Gem.

"Hey Mami!" Yuuta called out, Mami flinching at the sheer loudness if his voice. Homura simply eyed Mami briefly before walking towards the two not magical girls.

"Picking where we left off yesterday, huh?"

"I have no such intention." Homura stated coldly to the bluenette.

"Homura! I gotta bazooka!" He shot out the missile into the air, Homura's eye twitched.

"It's Akemi-san." Homura told him without facing him before eying Kyubey, "I wanted to finish him before he met Kaname Madoka. It's too late now." She eyed the two girls, "So, what will you do now? Will you two become magical girls?"

"HOMURA! NOW SPOILERS!" Homura threw a baseball at his face, "CHUCK NORRIS! I FAILED YOU!" He plopped on the floor, pretending to be dead.

"I..." Madoka started until her tomboy friend butted in.

"And what gives you the right to ask?" Sayaka questioned in a pissed tone.

"OH SHOOT NOT ON MY BA-!" Homura threw another ball, "MY CABBAGES!"

"Do you remember what I said yesterday?" Homura reminded, Madoka nodding her head, "Very well, I won't warn you twice. Pray." Homura began walking away.

"I'm okay!" Yuuta jumped up, "Time to go!" He and Homura were walking away until Madoka called out to them.

"H-Homura-chan! Yuuta-san!" Yuuta's eye twitched. A ghostly image of him appeared in front of the two girls.

"What did you call me?"

"I-I mean, Y-Yuuta! What did you two wish for when you became magical...people?" Yuuta shrank back to their relief.

"I wished for infinite universal knowledge, smartest being ever made over here." He tapped his forehead to their surprise. Homura gave her a blank stare before she grabbed Yuuta and walked away, "Try this popcorn, it's good." He offered her before they disappeared from their view. Mami gave this 'WTF' expression when she saw Yuuta chopping his neck at her direction to simulate decapitation.

* * *

It was later when Homura and Yuuta began talking somewhere by the bridge/corridor place. The two have been the talk of the school due to their extreme association with each other, isn't helping that Yuuta and her call each other by their first name.

"Yuuta." Homura started, "It's nearly time for Tomoe-san's death." She reminded him, "And will you stop eating popcorn!"

"Chef Tony's! Morning Rescue combination is too powerful!" He handed her both of the products, "Want some?"

"For the last time-" He shook it in her face, "Uh, fine!" She grabbed a popcorn bit and the juice, she stared at them and opened the bottle's cap. She immediately shoved food down her mouth at the same time.

Homura truly realized happiness.

"W-What is this feeling?" Homura had a light coming down to her and angels singing, "GIVE ME!" She took out a gun and aimed it at his face, "GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHEF TONY'S AND MORNING RESCUE!"

"N-Never!" Yuuta began running away, "NEVER!"

"You little shit...!" Homura began chasing him, some witnesses now solidified this was a tsundere relationship. Fucking E-rank Luck to them.

* * *

In a cafe in the mall, the busty blonde, the tomboy bluenette and the supposedly innocent Madoka were sitting down, drinking coffee even though it is likely illegal, "Alright, time for your first experience of what it's like to be a magical girl." Mami smiled at them, "I hope you're looking forward to it!" She looked at them, "Are you prepared?"

"I'm not sure this is enough but...LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT!" She brought out a dildo-oh wait it's a bat, my mistake, "I figure it's better than nothing."

"Well I'm glad you're into-"

"HEY GUYS!" Yuuta spoke through them with telepathy, Sayaka growled st. his persistence, "Sayaka, don't show dildos in public!"

"It's not a..." She grit her teeth as she spoke with her mind, "What do you want?"

"I'm just gonna warn Mami not be aHEAD of herself!"

...

"But don't worry, Mami's too HEADstrong for that."

"W-What's happening?" Madoka asked, confused as fuck.

"If ya'll do anything wrong, you'll be HEADing for disaster." They heard him chuckle in ire, "You'll get it one day, NOT TODAY!" He beeped out, leaving the three speechless.

In a sidewalk somewhere, the three girls were tracking down the witch from yesterday, "Maybe I would have caught her. But dealing with you two is more important."

Madoka let her head go down in shame, "Sorry."

"It's okay." Mami comforted.

"I always knew you were an ally of justice!" Sayaka exclaimed, she then clutched her hand while holding her fist up, "On the other hand, that transfer student is a pain! That Yuuta is also insane!" Madoka began wondering if Homura and Yuuta are really bad guys? Well...she knew Yuuta was insane already but-

"It rhymes! Good job Sayaka!" Yuuta made the three jump in surprise at his sudden appearance, nevertheless, in FRONT of them. Sayaka took out her bat and aimed it at him.

"What are you doing her, Yuuta-sa-" Madoka tugged Sayaka, "Oh right, Yuuta, why the hell are you here?" They stopped but Yuuta chuckled, he still wore the suit and ridiculous tie though.

"Can't a guy join three ladies on this fine day?" He asked, his eyes locking into Sayaka's, "I mean, I'm shorter than Hitomi here." He was bonked in the head, "You trying to make me look like a perv?!" He was hit in the toe, "SON OF A-"

Sayaka, Mami, Madoka flinched when he began cursing a million things, the universe never saw someone curse so many curses, it was heard all over Japan, the entirety of Asia, the whole world, the solar system, the galaxy, the universe itself. The curses reached the Holy Grail and alternate worlds also. Sayaka and Mami covered Madoka's ears.

"Okay! You can come!" Mami said out loud and he stopped cursing, "My head hurts from your naughty words."

"Yay!" The all sighed in relief but just realized what they did.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

If you guys ever found out, Yuuta is a MadoHomu shipper4life, he was just waiting for the two to go in the safe room with each other.

Heh, only if so.

"So, Mami-san, do you have any idea where the witch is hiding?" Sayaka asked the blonde,

"A witch's curse can have the most impact around crimes and accidents." Mami gave Yuuta a glare, "Or him." He whistled sheepishly, "So it's best to check major roads and red light districts where fights tend to break out-"

"Oh the fighting? I kinda did some stuff..." They stopped and looked at Yuuta, "Trust me, you don't wanna know."

* * *

" _Where are we?!" The yakuza members looked around where they were and the sky was fucked, "WHAT THE NUTS?!"_

 _"Welcome to the Phantom Zone!" The warden introduced himself, "We're gonna have a nice time here."_

* * *

They ran towards an abandoned building after Mami got a reading of a witch. They stopped some woman from jumping off but Toby kind broke the strings before she was safely down...

"MY BACK!" The woman yelled in pain before fainting.

"Is s-she."

"No Madoka, she's unconscious, look that up latter." Yuuta told her, "Witch is inside, c'mon!" They began running inside the building, they arrived by a staircase and Toby activated the witch's barrier.

"Heh. This is gonna be great." Yuuta declared, he grabbed Sayaka's bat and turned it into a lightsaber.

"What the..." Sayaka activated the blade and the blade activated itself, "W-Woah!" She swung the laser blade around.

#DarthYaka

"Sayaka, careful. You might decapitate someone! I know I have!" Yuuta warned them and they blinked once or twice, Mami and him walked up the stairs, "Wanna be BADASS?!"

"Yup!" Sayaka and Madoka raced after them, the two not magical girls went first but Mami and Yuuta were still by the barrier's entrance.

"What game are you plying at?" Mami looked at him, "You don't seem to need the grief seeds, why are you still here?"

"I'm an ass that's way, your Mammies are a shield but that won't protect you from a witch." Mami frowned, "LET'S GO!" He jumped into the lair before Mami sighed and followed him.

Meanwhile Homura was behind them with her eye twitching, "Yuuta..." She gripped her fists.

"OH SHIT!" Yuuta took out the Monado and began slicing up enemies in their path, Mami shooting down familiars and Sayaka and Madoka just running behind them. Sayaka still used her lightsaber.

"GO AWAY!" She swing the blade at a familiar who was sliced up, "Heh. This is fun!"

"I know right!" Yuuta complimented, "MONADO BUSTER!" He sliced an enemy up.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Aw..."

"Are you scared?" Mami asked Sayaka who was busy doing badass Star War flips, "I guess not." They began running to where the witch is because all of the lair looks like poop. They finally found the door and-

"POOP WITCH!" Toby pointed at it, "Is that a poop witch?" He stared at the witch, "AW GROSS! I AIN'T LOOKING AT THAT SHIT!" Yuuta snapped his fingers and the Gate of Babylon, "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE."

Before Mami can even react a million weapons were on Gertrud and the witch died, "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE ROPE POPE LOPE GOAT BOAT COAT SOAP NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!" He blew the witch to smithereens.

"But Tiro Finales!" Mami whined, missing her chance to be a showoff. The barrier around them evaporated, leaving the girls and him in a hallway.

"H-He won...HE WON!?" Sayaka had her jaw drop. Madoka simply stared at his pure badassness. Mami was still crying why she didn't use Tiro Finale.

"Hmm!" Yuuta walked over to the grief seed and picked it up, "Grief seed girls, an egg." He began walking towards Mami and snatched her soul gem as Sayaka and Madoka watched, "ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT." He began smashing the grief seed onto the soul gem which made Kyubey shrink back.

"Grief seeds replenish your magic on your soul gem-" He still hard Yuuta smashing the soul gem while screaming 'ABORT' again and again, "He's replenishing it alright."

"Well, it's okay now!" He tossed the grief seed away, leaving Mami in a rather depressed mood, where he threw it though, Homura caught it and came out of the shadows, "YOU ARE A STALKER HOMURA."

Homura looked at him, "It's your prize, you won it." She tossed the grief seed towards him which he caught but he threw it to Mami which bounced of her bosom.

"Well, I don't need it." Yuuta went up to Homura, "Let's go home. We can discuss what to do latter." Yuuta took out something...from his ass and pressed it and they teleported away. The three girls just stared at just happened.

"I am confused." Sayaka merely stated to their agreement.

* * *

"So, I supposed you can't tell the future by this point?" Yuuta smirked, Homura didn't wanna say it but he was right, anything could happen now due to this point, for better or worse.

"Yes, you're correct. By this point anything can happen." Homura agreed.

"Well, that's good! Time to eat." He brought out steak, "Foodgasm at our finest."

She wouldn't admit it but later, he was correct out the foodgasm part.

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter-Ep 4

"What I have here now is..." Yuuta gulped, "A mob of yuri lovers." On the couch, a million yuri lovers had torches and pitchforks, "Hey guys..."

"HE SAID 'GUYS', GET HIM!" Not even Yuuta has the power to stop them.

Poor kid.

* * *

 **HEY GUYS!**

 **THIS IS TAKING A SHIT LOT FOR ME TO WRITE AND HOLY CRAP.**

 **Review because my butt hurts!**

 **STAY TUNED!**


	5. Homura Python

Homura Python

* * *

 **WAITING FOR THE YURI LOVERS TO RUN ME OUT OF THE SITE.**

 **OH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDD.**

 **But really, I'm doing so much for this fic for you guys.**

 **Yuuta: But really, if you ship me with Kyoko...**

 **But you two look so cute together!**

 **(Yuri fans surround XMinerCobra)**

 **Review! I like your opinions! I was busy so sorry it was late as fuck.**

 **STORY IS NOW**

* * *

"This is a story. A story how a girl who used to be a nerd, now is a badass is trying to bang a girl with pink hair." Yuuta paused ever so slightly, "Welp, that's all I got." He and Homura drank their Morning Rescue, "Say, Homura..."

"What is it?" Despite Homura not stating it out loud, she was starting to love Chef Tony's and Morning Rescue to her shock.

"Gen never stated that you had parents or...he just never said." Homura gave him a frown that won't be seen by most people.

"Of course I have-" Homura paused, she doesn't know her parents' names. Are they dead, are they alive? She just realized that truth just now, "What?"

"See, Gen never bothered to give you a backstory." He told her, "MY GOD THIS DRINK IS GOOD!" He gulped down more of the Morning Rescue and Homura stayed silent.

Who the fuck was Gen?

With that, only Yuuta, Deadpool and Notch noticed a crack in reality. They scoffed it off though. They just hoped the fourth wall repaired itself in time.

...

"Homura, DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN?" He was promptly shot.

* * *

"Where am I?" Homura spoke to herself, she was with a group consisting of Miki Sayaka, Sakura Kyoko, Tomoe Mami and her all time best friend Kaname Madoka with Yuuta apparently behind some rocks.

"Shush! You see the BEAST?!" Yuuta told the girls, Homura only noticed she was wearing a knight's outfit along with Mami, Kyoko and Sayaka and Madoka wore a crown and some armor instead of their own pieces of chainmail. Yuuta wore a ragged tunic, "IT'S COMING! SHUSH!"

"What is...?" Homura blinked and saw that they were in front of a cave. Suddenly a bunny came out of it.

"AWWWWW!" Everyone else moaned at its adorableness except Yuuta and Homura.

"Don't AWWWW it! It's a dangerous creature!" Yuuta spoke out, Homura frowned, seeing Yuuta was going all levels of stupid.

"Heh. If this is a freaking thing, I'll kill it then." Kyoko smirked and took out her spear, "Might get a little messy. King Madoka, cover your eyes." King Madoka? Homura was now thinking that she was in a fever dream.

"DON'T, PLEASE!" Yuuta begged, Kyoko scoffed it off and jumped over the rock, she headed towards the rabbit swiftly and stood over it. Homura then looked around to see bones everywhere and questioned why so.

"Huh, the beast eh? Well, sorry, I gotta kill-" Suddenly the rabbit jumped on Kyoko's throat and ripped it off and subsequently her head in a gory mess. Everyone widened their eyes in shock and horror.

"JEEEEEEZUS CHRIST." Sayaka exclaimed, Homura was busy trying to comprehend what the hell just happened.

"I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU SO, DID YOU LISTEN TO ME?! NO NO NO NO-" Yuuta was jumped by the rabbit and it ripped out his throat also and that's when everyone panicked.

"RETREAT!" Madoka declared and they all began running away, "SIR HOMURA! USE THE HOLY HAND GRENADE!"

"YES!" Homura didn't even know what that was but she took it out of her pocket and looked at it, it was a white grenade but with a halo and Kyubey's face on it. She took no chances and threw it onto Yuuta's corpse and it made the bunny blow up along with his body.

"Huh. I supposed that we can't underestimate appearances." Mami grimaced, looking at the blown up bits of Yuuta and Kyoko's headless body.

"Moral lesson learned." Sayaka shivered, "I mean, KYOOOOKOOOOOOOO!" She got on her knees and cried in the most fake way possible.

Homura slapped herself.

* * *

"GAH!" Homura woke up to see Yuuta on her bed, who had a fishing rod with a couple of DVDs on something called Monty Python on it.

"Whoops!" Yuuta grabbed a frying pan and brought it down onto her.

* * *

"The first child of something something!?" A Kyubey with a human body asked Homura who was tied in chains by what it appears to be Kyoko and Mami dressed up as Romans. Homura looked and saw she was wearing a prison jumpsuit and on the ground.

"Y-Yes?" She answered hesitantly.

"You have been found uttering the name of our lord and so as a BLASPHEMER!" He announced and the crowd around them gasped, "And you will be stoned to DEATH!" The crowd had rocks with them making Homura sweat.

"Look, all I wanted is to save a girl with time traveling but then this crazy guy comes up in my house telling me he can help me save Mdoka-" The crowd gasped. Kyubey pointed a finger at her.

"BLASPHEMY! SHE DID IT AGAIN!" The crowd uproared, "DID YOU HEAR HER?!" The crowd nodded, readying their stones. Suddenly squeaks came out of some of them. Everyone paused, "Are there woman here?" They all murmured to themselves, "Very well. As decree by the Incubators, vested in me-"

A member of the crowd threw a rock at Homura and hit her head straight on, "Ouch." She said in a monotone voice, "We didn't start yet."

"Okay, who threw that?" Kyubey asked around, "Who threw that stone c'mon?" The crowd pointed at one person who kept apologizing in a bery awkward voice, "Go to the back."

"Alright." The person went of the back of the crowd.

"Always one isn't there." The alien mused, "Now where were we-"

"What's wrong with saying Madoka?" The crowd gasped at Homura's sentence again.

"ARE YOU MAKING IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF?!" Kyubey accused.

"Worse? I been through SHIT! How can it be worse?! MADOKA! MADOKA! MADOKA! MADOKA!" She became OOC and began jumping around while screaming Madoka, the crowd began going in a frenzy.

"If you say Madoka once more-" Kyubey was hit in the back, "WHO THREW THAT!?" He looked amongst the crowd in anger, "C'MON, WHO THREW THAT?!" The crowd pointed at one manwomanthing, "Was it you?"

"Well you did say Madoka." The man was abruptly pelted to death by numerous of rocks, Kyubey stepped back in shcok.

'I hate my life right now.' Homura thought.

"STOP IT!" Kyubey stomped on the ground, "No one is to stone anyone, until I blow this whistle!" He took a whistle from nowhere, "You understand? Do I make myself absolutely clear? Even if they do say Madoka-"

Kyubey was now rained upon by hundreds of rocks and his pain was ended by a giant rock squishing him. Meanwhile, Mami and Sayaka looked at each other.

"S-Should we do somethin'?" Kyoko asked her friend who shrugged.

"No, Sakura-san. You need to wait this out." Homura blinked, before a rock hit her face.

* * *

"Yuuta!" She woke up, saw Yuuta, she had a face of pure RAGE which scared Yuuta so much, he hit her again but with a hammer this time.

"I...hate...my...life..." She whispered out before slipping back into unconsciousness. Oh yeah readers, no YuuHomu, NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

* * *

"Hmm." Homura was now in a uniform of a general of sorts in an office. She blinked and gripped her fingers with the most emotionless face ever seen.

She was going to fucking kill Yuuta.

"Miss Homura!" Someone barged into the room wearing a soldier's uniform, he saluted, "I wanna quit the army!" It was Yuuta who actually looked sand.

"W-Why?" Homura was confused on what the hell is happening.

"IT'S DANGEROUS!" He said with fright, "THEY HAVE GUNS OUT THERE! SOME OF THEM HAVE TANKS ALSO!" Homura grabbed the nearest gun and shot herself.

* * *

"BASTARD!" She jumped out of bed, making Yuuta shriek as she proceeded to beat him to death.

"NUUUUUUUUUU-!"

"Die." She began shooting him a billion times and not stopping unless for bathroom breaks or midnight snacking on Morning Rescue™ and Chef Tony's™.

"Hello there young man!" A rather short doctor came into Kyosuke's bedside. The silver haired boy eyed the doctor who wore this mask on him. The boy looked slightly shorter than him, maybe even shorter than Shizuki in his perspective.

"Hello..." Kyosuke wasn't sure why he was so...positive. As it to make him feel better on now being basically crippled on his arms? Or perhaps it was to mock him?

Actually it was both.

"Kamijo Kyosuke? The guy hated by all Madoka fans! I'll just call you Kyosuke!" Kyosuke blinked once, maybe twice to see if he was hallucinating. Unfortunately, he wasn't.

"F-Fans?"

"They hate your guts, BAAAAAADLY." He took out a pair of glasses, "Just wait a minute." Kyosuke was now disturbed by this person's demeanor, "I'm doing this for the fic to be appealed by the yuri fans." He took out a wooden mallet.

"W-Wha-" His legs were immediately hit by a hammer, "OH GOD!" He screamed in pain.

"I broke your legs." The supposed nurse smiled at him sheepishly. He tried screaming for help but suddenly he placed a gag on his mouth, "Don't want people interrupting us? Would we now?"

Kyosuke had tears in his eyes as he poked his legs with a stick, with extremely hard pressure added into it.

"Welp, now to neuter you!" The nurse declared to his horror, "FOR THE LULZ!" He took out a chainsaw out of nowhere and hovered it over his privates, "This will only hurt...a lot! KAMIJO-KUN THIS MUDDASSHOLE."

"MMMF!" He was crying now. Yuuta laughed as he did so.

"Don't be a pussy! You're making more reasonable for me to chop off your privates!" Suddenly the door opened, revealing Sayaka holding a music player.

"Kamijo-THE NUTS?!" She nearly dropped what she was holding, seeing Yuuta in a nurse's outfit holding a chainsaw over her crush's nuts, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"I'm doing the yuri fans a favor!" Yuuta yelled, "He'll date Hitomi later! Also this is the only way for the yuri fans to get off XMinerCobra's back!"

"YOU'RE INSANE!"

"GIVE ME NEW NEWS!" Yuuta yelled back and Sayaka took out her Yuuta slaying bat to his horror. She threw it at him and he smirked, "TELEPORT!" He teleported away and the bat hit Kyosuke who screamed in pain.

"K-Kamijo-kun?" Sayaka ran towards Kyosuke but she saw out the window Yuuta holding his middle finger. She clutched her fists as he ran away.

* * *

"TIRO FINALE!" Mami yelled as she blasted a familiar with it, blasting it to smithereens, the witch's barrier disintegrated around them.

"Wow, Mami-san! I never knew you can do that!" Sayaka cheered as Mami stood on a lampost.

"Sorry I couldn't do it last time. That's when..." Mami trailed off before growling under her breath, "I'm not here to just give shows, Miki-san." She turned back to her school uniform, "You have to know this is dangerous."

"Yes ma'am!"

Kyubey ran towards them and jumped onto her shoulder, "That was just a familiar sloughed off the actual witch. Familiars don't carry grief seeds." Kyubey explained to them.

"That wasn't a witch?"

"YUP!"

"Oh no." Sayaka groaned as Yuuta jumped into the scene.

"Familiars grow up into witches later. Gotta kill the baby before it grows up you know-" He was bonked straight in the balls, "OH FUCK!"

"THIS IS FOR KAMIJO-KUN!" She began beating him repeatedly with the bat, one of the few weapons that can harm him.

"Hey! I went back and repaired his legs!" Sayaka stopped beating him, "And also I fixed his arms." That's when Sayaka finally dropped the bat.

"W-What?"

"I fixed him! His hands are sloppy but after awhile he'll be admitted out. The doctor's are still wondering what the fuck happened to him." Yuuta was promptly hugged by the bluenette, "TOUCHY TOUCHY TOUCHY!"

"Thank...you!" Sayaka began chocking him with the hug.

"You're...welcome..." Yuuta got out of her death grip, "I know you were trying to kill me woman!" Yuuta handed her a postcard, "Here you go!" Sayaka opened it and it was Kyosuke, him pumping his muscles to show he was better. Sayaka immediately got a nosebleed.

My god the yuri fans will kill XMinerCobra.

"Miki-san!" Mami tended to her as Sayaka had a nosebleed spasm from the photo. Yuuta went up to Madoka and handed her a phone number on a piece of paper.

"W-Wha-" Madoka was taken aback.

"It's Homura's, not mine." Madoka 'ooed' in relief that he wasn't flirting with her, "You and her are my OTP."

"O...T...P?" Madoka had never heard those terms considering it was in english.

"WHOOPS! Homura's gonna kill me! Gotta go!" He vanished into thin air, Mami was finally done making Sayaka recover her nosebleed.

"Sayaka-chan." Madoka turned to her, "What's OTP?" Sayaka had another nosebleed seizure afterward.

* * *

"Homura!" Yuuta galloped towards her, she was busy watching every Pixar movie ever made but she nearly broke the TV when Cars and Cars 2 came up, "What are you doing? Shouldn't you be being badass and shit?"

"I do not require the need to destroy witches, your ability to create grief seeds renders me hunting them down obsolete." She stated, "I am just busy formulating plans if this timeline fails."

"By playing CoD?" Yuuta questioned, "I had to kill all witch's not important in this timeline." Yuuta gave her a glare, "So, what are we gonna do about Mami?"

"I rather prefer that we leave her to die. We may endanger Madoka's safety if we let her live." She informed him and Yuuta did a 'thinker' pose.

"Nah! I'll save her!" Homura's eye twitched, "I'll make sure I can save her and even get you and Madoka to bang each other!"

"Why?" With that voice, she sounded like she was referring to both saving Mami and the Madoka banging.

"The first one is I shall prove even though I'm insane, I can save lives. The second is that I can fulfill my OTP." Homura began processing that. The first sentence sounded deep and concerning but the second one kinda sounded...Yuuta-ish.

"I supposed you may save Tomoe-san. But if she becomes insane and harms Madoka..."

"Don't worry, don't worry!" Yuuta gave her a smug look, "Oh look Jessie's backstory!" Homura turned to the TV for the Pixar movie and then the house reflooded. It wasn't the first time but Homura cried because of Cars 2 for an entirely different reason.

* * *

Madoka woke up, her dad was budging her to wake up.

"Madoka? You awake?"

"Uh huh?" She rubbed her eyes, tired as it is, "What is it dad?" Her father led her downstairs to her surprise to see her mom drunk...

With Yuuta.

"Your mother went back from the bar and brought home what I think is a supposed homeless orphan from somewhere and I don't know if she made him drink while she was drunk or not but..." Tomohisa cringed, "But that boy has a foul mouth."

"Junko! The yuri fans have executed XMinerCobra! My secret bunker has a box with a futa ray!" Yuuta declared as he stood on the chair, Junko laughed.

"You tell the best of stories Yuuta!" She drank another shot, "You can marry my son any day!"

"Woo!" Yuuta spilled his drink all over his suit, Tomohisa blinked.

"I'll get your brother from waking up. Madoka, can I trust you with this task to make sure you can stop two drunk monsters?" Madoka nodded, "Good, your mother needs this. She works too hard and she needs this. If that boy passes out, drag him towards the yard."

Madoka nodded again and her father went upstairs, she looked at the two drunks being assholes.

"Madoka! This kid is offering for you to have a wife! He says she has black hair and purple eyes!" Madoka shivered at that sentence, "YUUTA! YOU SEE THE NAZIS!? WWII IS BACK ON!"

"OH SHOOT! THE AMERICANS WILL COME AFTER US!" Yuuta screamed like a little bitch, "HIDE UNDER THE TABLE AND COVER MY ASS!" The drunk duo ducked under the table, "EVASIVE ACTION!"

Madoka sighed, she didn't know why Yuuta was with her mom of all things, from what she can presume is that Yuuta was underage drinking and met her mom, both drunk. She can guess they drank too much and were gonna hangover at the Kaname residence.

"WE WON THE WAR! BLACKADDER SAVED US!" The two cheered, Madoka smiled seeing her mother was having fun, "OH NO! GAMERGATE RESURFACED! PHIL FISH AND HIS TWITTER POSTS ARE INVADING THE GAMING INDUSTRY! WE'LL COUNTERACT HIS HIPSTER INFLUENCE WTH HIS OWN CREATION!"

Yuuta suddenly brought out a fez, "FOR GLORY!" He threw a fez towards Junko who wore it and the world spiraled, "FOR THE ETHICS!" They got out of under the table and ran towards the indoor garden, "FEZ WAS A GREAT GAME! IT WAS PHIL FISH'S HIPSTER INFLUENCE THAT MAKES GAMERS HATE THEM!"

Madoka tilted her head, seeing her mother and Yuuta beating the heck out of supposed 'CNN newsmen' and 'guys who kicked that comic Tumblr maker who could have helped our society out of Tumblr'.

"I wish I could drink with mama when I grow up." The pinkette sat on the chair and stared at the table with some shots still there, she wondered if Yuuta can drink, why can't she do it also? Reasonable idea, "I supposed one can't hurt."

She grabbed a shot, looked around if her father was looking and drank it.

Oh gawd, it was to stroooooooooooooooo-FYCHRBCNFNRHNCNFNRJF!

* * *

"Kyubey is a lovely cat! Isn't he?!" The three drank as more shots decreased their sanity, "Kyubey is a FIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNE pussy/rabbit/magical thing." Madoka burped, "SWAG!"

"You said it Madoka." Junko happily chirped, "Maybe I should adopt him as your brother. That'll be nice."

"ALRIGHT! Madoka, remember what I taught." Yuuta held up a photo of Homura...in a bikini...where did he get it, "This is your one true love!"

"My one true love..." Madoka burped again, "Okay then..." She nodded lazily, "What else?"

"These are yuri fans." Yuuta showed her another picture, "Make sure you get them not to kill me."

"I will not let them kill you."

"Now last but not least, keep this fic rated T by not having lesbian sex anywhere."

"Okay..." Junko and Madoka passed out. It was actually hours ago that Yuuta sobered up and was trying to implant knowledge into the pinkette's subconscious.

He still never got how Madoka's parents have purple hair but pink haired children.

Anime logic sucks.

* * *

"Do you even care?" Homura and Mami were inside a restaurant called Pizza Hut, a western restaurant, "You are aware you're leading people, children into danger?" Homura told the blonde, her voice having venom in it.

"What are you talking about? Kyubey chose them, they're a part of this now." Mami frowned at the ravenette.

"You're steering them to the path of being magical girls."

"And I supposed you don't like that." Mami nearly had her breasts ready to shoot-whoops, this is not Austin Powers.

"No. Especially if Kaname Madoka's involved." Homura replied cooly, she had this look of pure utter gothic chick written on her, "You or Miki is not my concern."

"Uh huh." Mami nodded, "Then you noticed her potential too?" Mami raised an eyebrow at the girl.

"I won't let-"

"HEY GUYS!" Yuuta came out of the kitchen, "Lelouch told me this is the place to eat." He forced the two to sit down, "Dig in." He put the pizza on the table. Homura and Mami picked them up, hesitating before biting.

HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAAAAAAAAAAH.

* * *

In the mall the next day after school, Sayaka got off the elevator and went towards Madoka who sat on a bench. Sayaka sighed in her head because guess who she was forced to be dragged with her...

"Hello Madoka!" Yuuta bowed down, "Pleasure to see you!" He sat next to her, "Wonderful day!"

"Yuuta-k-" He glared at her, "Yuuta...what are you doing here?"

"Enjoying the gift of life of course!" He replied whimsically, "You can do so much things with life! Explore treacherous lands, invent a skeleton who can shoot babies from a bazooka, be in a Baltimore riot-oh wait, scratch the last one."

Madoka turned to Sayaka, "Sayaka-chan?"

"Eh. I tried going to Kamijo-kun but the hospital are wondering if aliens put technology in him." She growled, directing her anger at Yuuta, "When I bumped into this bastard and he dragged along with me."

"I do what I do." Yuuta smiled, "C'mon ladies. We go for a walk." Kyubey (who is barely mentioned anymore) sat on Madoka's lap and the two girls cringed, knowing they had to obliged.

"And then, the Terminator showed up and Homura had to blow up the entire living room!" Yuuta's story made Sayaka laugh so hard as they passed through the bicycle store (not really a store but bicycles are everywhere). The bluenette was laughing at Homura's misery, "Well, Madoka seems to notice something."

"Eh?" Sayaka turned to see Madoka was staring at the wall, "Madoka, whatcha looking at?"

"It's a Grief Seed!" Kyubey exclaimed, the object stuck on the wall, "Stay back! Shoo! Shoo!" In response, Madoka and Sayaka went towards it to Yuuta's amusement.

"N-No way! What's it doing here?"

"Oh no! We gotta run away!"

"Why the fuck would nobody steal a piece of jewelry on the wall?!" They turned to Yuuta, "I mean, a crack is there so the damn thing should be noticeable! Jesus, why can't humanity be selfish?" The girls blinked, he had a point on the stealing thing, "It's gonna form a barrier."

"Then we have to get Mami-san!" Sayaka turned to Madoka, "Do you have Mami-san's phone number." Madoka shook her head, Sayaka turned to Yuuta, "Do you have her phone number?"

"You have an OP magical boy here and you need Mami, sexists feminists." Yuuta mumbled under his breath before putting a phone against his ears, "I know where Mami is, it's gonna take awhile. We're getting so arrested for loitering." He clicked a button.

* * *

"Ma'am! Please! You ate twenty boxes of pizza! Stop!" The waiter begged to the girl who ate at Pizza Hut, "As a member of this establishment, we care for your health safety!"

"MMMMMF!" Mami was busy eating all the pizza, it looked like she was a monster currently, "NVEEEEEER!" It would be a few hours later she would finally take a shit and look at her phone.

* * *

"Okay, Madoka is getting Mami, so now us adventurers must save the day!" Yuuta had his gauntlets up and Sayaka carried Kyubey as they walked through the lair, "This is creepy, the familiars should be here!" One passed them, "There he is."

"Are you afraid Sayaka?" Kyubey came up.

"Yeah, duh." Sayaka merely answered, "I'm peeing myself." Yuuta jumped back seeing yellow liqued everywhere.

"Well, if you want, I can make you a magical girl, right here, right now." The Incubator offered, Sayaka shook her head, they arrived by a gate.

"I have Yuuta here. I'm not going to waste a wish right here and now." Sayaka stated, "It's not like I need it. Yuuta did it already."

"I'm a miracle worker." Yuuta quipped.

* * *

"OH GAWD!" Madoka pushed Mami who was puking due to exercise from eating, "Mami-san, c-can you please not eat at Pizza Hut again?"

"ALRIGHT, WHERE IS THE LAIR?" Mami puked one last time and looked at the crack in the wall, "Kaname-san, why is nobody fixing the crack?"

Madoka shrugged, Yuuta was so right, it hurt.

Mami used her ring to open the lair up and closed her eyes, "Kyubey, what's happening?" She telepathy spoke through the cat.

"We're still okay, we have Yuuta, do not worry." Kyubey eased her, "The witch ever showed up yet. Don't provoke the witch though, you still have to get Sayaka out of there."

"HOLY SHIT! A PORTAL!" A passerby yelled, a PedoPoliceman, a cop who arrests lolicons thought he was pointing at Madoka so he was arrested, "Noooooo."

"Well, better get in there." Mami and Madoka went through the portal and it closed as they did.

* * *

"I'm glad Yuuta-kun is with Sayaka-chan." Madoka and Mami held hands as they traversed the hellish landscape, "Hope they're still okay."

"I should be punishing you three for doing something dangerous." Mami told her, "Who would go here."

"It was Sayaka-chan's idea. Wasn't it?"

"At least the witch can't get away." They turned around to see Homura standing behind them.

"I told you I never wanted to see you again." Mami reminded the ravenette.

"Today's hunt is mi-" Suddenly Homura was promptly grabbed in the legs by Madoka, "W-What the-"

"HOMURA-CHAN~" Madoka cuddled on her, Homura's face turned red, seeing this is NOT supposed to happen, "Be my waifu~"

"K-Kaname-san!" Mami tried pulling her off Homura but she was the tightest thing ever, "Get. Off. Her!"

"Never Mami-san~" Madoka rubbed her face against Homura's legs and steam and blood came off her nose.

"Uh!" Mami summoned her ribbons and it tied up Homura, Madoka letting go of her legs due to physics, "Sorry Akemi-san, but Madoka needs security."

"Homura-chan~" Madoka was dragged away by the blonde and Homura was busy wriggling in the ribbons. Now she realized why Madoka acted that way.

"YUUTA!" She bellowed in anger.

* * *

"M-Mami-san." Madoka started, "What happened to me back there?"

"I don't know Kaname-san. You acted like a boy who looks like a girl in a hentai anime." Madoka blinked once, maybe twice, "You were grabbing her and holding her like it was your birthright."

"Mami-san, how do you know why I acted like a hentai character?" Mami froze in her tracks, "Mami-san?"

"Err, nothing Kaname-san!" Mami's laugh was one of pure IMPLYING, "Heh heh."

"Mami-san's...one of those girls!" Madoka stepped back, "I am shocked!"

"Alright. You are getting too ahead of yourself Kaname-san." Mami began dragging Madoka away as the girl began babbling on hentai-Mami.

She also wondered what if Mami was an anime character and how many hentai doujinshis she would be in.

Likely a lot.

* * *

"Mami!" Kyubey called out, "The grief seed is hatching!"

"Alright, let's blow this thing away." Mami turned naked with yellow all over her into her Puella Magi outfit, "Stand back Madoka, you might get cake after this."

"Yes!" Madoka fisted into the air, the area around them turned into cake, "MY DREAM CAME TRUE!" She watched in awe as Mami slapped away familiars with her muskets.

"C'mon!" Mami grabbed Madoka and they ran into a door, they went towards Sayaka, Yuuta and Kyubey who were sitting behind a donut, "Sorry we took so long."

"We were just eating." The three ate the bits of the donut, "This is good! Can't we keel the witch alive?" Yuuta asked as he ate.

"Look out! It's coming!" Kyubey yelled and the grief seed turned into a box? Meh, anime logic. The box exploded revealing the witch.

"Got you." Mami smirked and jumped towards it. Yuuta and the girls were behind the donut still.

"So...how you been?" Yuuta asked Madoka, "How long did it take you to push Mami?"

"Mami-san puked everywhere. I don't know why she was in Pizza Hut but I guess she went through a million pizzas." Madoka shivered, "It was horrible."

"Madoka, I don't know what to wish for." Sayaka brought the issue up, "I was gonna use it for Kamijo-kun but now he's okay." Sayaka gave a thumbs up to Yuuta, "Thanks."

"No mention." Yuuta ate more giant donut, "Madoka seems to have a yuri attraction to Homura." Sayaka looked at Madoka, "Seriously, heard everything through telepathy."

"Madoka, I never knew you were that kind of girl!" The bluenette hugged her friend who was protesting, "Don't deny it Madoka-chan."

"I-I'm not into girls Sayaka-chan!" Yuuta laughed as they watched Mami beat the witch down. She used Tiro Finale and the ribbons wrapped around the witch before it squeezed what was out what was truly inside.

"Whoops! There's Nagisa!" The girls turned to see the witch coming for Mami to their horror, "HERE I GO!" He snapped his fingers, somewhere around the labyrinth, Homura was free, "That takes care of what." Charlotte opened her mouth to eat Mami.

Too bad Yuuta was there.

"NOT THIS TIME!" Yuuta punched the thing while Mami was frozen. Charlotte was punched onto a cake and recovered and roared at him, "I see we're just getting started." He looked at Sayaka and Madoka who just nearly saw Mami die, "Mami, see what potential you still haven't reached." He looked at the frozen Mami before Charlotte rushed towards him.

"Amateurish!" He dodged the man eating witch and grabbed it by the tail, "YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME?!" He pounded the witch on the floor to the awe of the girls, "FEEL PAIN NAGISA! FEEL THE PAIN." He threw Charlotte across the room.

The witch recoiled backwards before turning back to him with a frown, the witch ran towards her in blinding speed and...swallowed him hole.

"OH GOD!" Sayaka walked backwards, seeing their ally (because friend is too strong) being eaten quickly. The witch licked her lips and stared down at the four remaining and dove down. Mami still wasn't moving to everyone's horror.

"Madoka, Sayaka! Make a contract with me before-" The witch stopped in midair and EXPLODED. Bits of it went everywhere and onto everyone and guess who floated down.

"Few, exploding someone from the inside is tough." He saw Homura walk in, "Hey Homura! Whatcha doing?"

"Can it." She merely told him and looked around, bits of Charlotte were everywhere, "What happened here?" She looked and saw Madoka readying to leap on her despite being covered in witch bits. The world faded around them and they were back on the street.

"Nothing." He pointed at Mami, "I'll keep her in line." He caught the grief seed, "I need Charlotte's seed for various reasons. Here." He tossed another grief seed towards Mami and it bounced off her shocked state, "Sorry but I gotta go." He put the grief seed in his pocket.

Yuuta went to Homura and the two walked away, leaving four stunned people and everyone who passed by though Mami was a cosplayer who dressed up as a character who stared in a lot of hentai.

They do not know how true is it.

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter-Ep 5

"I am so sweaty." Yuuta declared, "OH SWEATY."

"Bitch, I will kill everything you love." A train engine came out of nowhere and stared at Yuuta who stopped dancing.

"HOW DID A TRAIN ENTER MY SHELTER-" He was run over promptly and the conductors of the train were yuri fans.

* * *

 **I'M GONNA HAVE A HARD TIME INCLUDING MAMI IN THIS FIC.**

 **I nearly thought should kill Mami but I was like, fuck it!**

 **STAY TUNED!**


	6. Mother Watches Me

Mother Watches Me

* * *

 **NOW THIS SOLIDIFIES THAT THIS IS AU AS FUCK.**

 **THIS WILL BE LATER THAN IT SHOULD, SORRY MY DEAR READERS.**

 **Yuuta: Hopefully you cancel this fic, the yuri fans will disintegrate me.**

 **SHIIIIIIIT. Also turns out my mom reads my shit.**

 **Yuuta: OH GAWD!**

 **Also now I have to do this for my English project.**

 **Yuuta: EVEN WORSE.**

 **Review! We love your opinions! Even the ones sending me death threats! I would totally watch a show called Homura Python.**

 **STAY TUNED!**

* * *

Later that horrible day and the girls left to do their own stuff (after Homura and Yuuta left, Mami was still shaken up and Madoka as well), Sayaka decided she needed to go to Kyosuke just to say hi.

"Eh?" Sayaka wanted to hear again what the nurse just told her.

"Sorry but he's trying to play violin and..." The nurse trailed off, "We had to put him in a soundproofed room for a good reason." Sayaka nodded and went towards the soundproof room the nurse mentioned.

Then she opened it and heard the most horrible thing ever.

"G-GAH!" She covered her ears as the noise as it was too unbearable. When it finally stopped, she saw Kyosuke with a violin, "Kamijo-kun?"

"Sayaka." Kyosuke sighed and set the violin down, he was alone in the room, "So you heard, haven't you?"

"What?" The bluenette closed the door behind her, "What's wrong?"

"Even though my body parts healed out of the blue-wait, was I attacked by an insane nurse who looks our age?" She nodded, "Anyhow, even though my arm works again, my violin skills are...to say..."

He brushed a finger over and Sayaka clutched her ears, "See? I think my skills died while I armless." Kyosuke looked down, "I'm a failure."

"No you're not! With a little practice, you can-"

"DON'T PITY ME!" Kyosuke yelled, it was soundproof so nobody could hear, "You didn't get your arms broken! You didn't get attacked by a crazed nurse! You didn't get sucky violin skills!" Sayaka was taken aback how her crush was cursing at the world, "If it wasn't for the accident-"

He paused, "If it wasn't for..."

"Kamijo-kun?" Sayaka looked at the silver haired boy in concern.

"I just realized, I don't remember why my arms broke." He muttered, "Sorry Sayaka for yelling. I...need some time alone to remember." He made a 'thinker' pose and Sayaka nodded. She opened and closed the door and sighed, knowing that she either needs Yuuta or Kyubey to fix this.

* * *

That night...

"Chef Tony's™, you have destroyed out lives." Around Homura and Yuuta were empty piles of Chef Tony's™ popcorn. It was a horrible sight for the normal man/woman, "Homura, what have we've been doing?"

"I am unaware but I do not care." She drank more Morning Rescue™, "What happened to Madoka and what is the reason for her sudden affections?" She glared at him and he whistled sheepishly.

"It's better if you don't know." He stated and the two resumed eating, "SEGATA! THROW HOMURA!" Suddenly Sanshiro Segata grabbed Homura and thrown her out of the window...

And had her exploded.

* * *

That morning...in the next day...

Madoka was eating breakfast with her family, she was still startled about how Mami and Yuuta were so close to dying and Kyubey encouraging her to make a wish.

That means the cat knew Mami would be next and she would die.

Of course they lived but Madoka was aware of what the extreme dangers of being a Puella Magi meant.

"Madoka." Her mother poked the pinkette, "You okay? You've been poking your food." Junko asked in concern, "Something wrong?"

"Yes mama. I'm fine-" She felt her mom's food that were still in her mouth were being spitted at her, "MAMA!"

"Whoops." Everyone in the family laughed, maybe that should get off her mind. She would still have to talk about it to Mami and Sayaka though.

"MADOKA!" A telepathy voice screamed in her head, "YOU GOTTA GO~" Yuuta chimed her, "YOU MIGHT MISS HOMURA~" Madoka stood up from her chair almost instantly.

"Sorry mama! I might be late for school!" Madoka stood up and ran off with her bag faster than Junko had ever seen. The woman blinked before chuckling.

"I've never seen her run that fast, Tomohisa?" She turned to her husband, "It's actually a bit early for her to leave. Why do you think so?"

"Maybe she's got a crush. I don't know." Tomohisa replied, cooking a bit more, "As long as she doesn't starve, I don't care."

"But as parents we must care! Who is supposed male who our daughter is interested in?!" Junko stood up, clenching her fists in determination, "I must defend my daughter from lewd thoughts involving males."

"Honey, our daughter knows what sex is-" Junko covered their son's ears, "Whoops. But it doesn't have to be a boy." Junko blinked.

"Eh?"

"It might be a girl for all we know. She might be interested in more than one person, boy or girl." Junko did the world's most horrified gasp.

"My daughter is a bisexual HAREM MASTER?!"

"Well I wouldn't take the idea too literally-" Junko clutched her head.

"MAH DAUGHTER-"

"Uh oh." Tomohisa grabbed Tatsuya and hid until the 'era of Junko's rampage' is over.

* * *

At the walkway to school, Sayaka was busy talking to Hitomi about one of the stories Yuuta told her, "And then, the shop owner told him to go to the bathroom and make a miracle happen!" Hitomi laughed a bit too hard.

"Sayaka-chan. About yesterday..." Madoka telepathy started.

"Not right now. Mami-san's okay. She just was a bit shocked, that's all." Sayaka eased her, "C'mon." Sayaka started running ahead of her, Madoka looked down. Welp, time to find Homura.

Madoka looked up and skipped to school.

* * *

"YOU CANNOT HAVE BABIES! YURI LOVE IS BEST LOVE!" Yuuta to the surprise in the class was teaching sex ed, "YOU CAN MAKE MAGICAL BABIES IF YOU'RE A MAGICAL GIRL." The class didn't pay attention to their computers but Yuuta (except Poorfag because she can't afford it) because his skills in teaching were invigorating.

Even the teacher was busy learning.

"But how cute do the babies look like if they're magical?" Kazuko raised her hand as she sat in Yuuta's seat, Yuuta nodded.

"Because YURI MADE BABIES ARE CUTE!" The class cheered except three girls who were a bit uncomfortable right now.

"Our generation is screwed." Sayaka mind talked Madoka, "Kyubey, can you connect to Mami-"

"SAYAKA! Homura-chan is looking at me!" Madoka squealed in delight, Sayaka sighed knowing Yuuta may be right about this lesson.

* * *

On the rooftop, Madoka and Sayaka sat down, looking at the sky, "I feel like I'm in a foreign country." She stated, looking up at the sky.

"Until yesterday, the only strange thing was us being involved with magical girls and a meth eating magical boy-" Sayaka paused, "Why didn't I feel foreign yet? We're surrounded by strangers."

"Wouldn't that create STRANGER DANGER everywhere we go now?" Madoka questioned and Sayaka perked up.

"I don't know. I feel like we just tapped into a world where nobody can see." She sighed deeply, "How about you?"

"I feel this...urge to molest Homura-chan." Sayaka backed away, "Sayaka-chan! Now you're being like Hitomi-chan!" Sayaka laughed and hugged the girl, "I-I was so scared..."

"Aw, it's alright to be a lesbian Madoka." Sayaka comforted.

"I was talking about Mami and Yuuta."

"It's okay to ship."

"Their near deaths."

"Oh." Sayaka stopped hugging her, "Whoops." The silence was awkward as that meth addict under what they sat on.

"C'mon." He opened his bag of crack, "OH YEAH!" Unfortunately nobody can hear him choke on it.

"Hello Madoka." Kyubey approached them, "Hello Sayaka also."

"Kyubey. Is being a Puella Magi that dangerous?" Sayaka asked the Incubator.

"Well, if you're not careful." Kyubey smiled at them (smug prick), "It depends, Mami was getting too cocky that time." Sayaka nodded, she guess pride was a major issue, "There would be more and more witches later on. Many Puella Magi will try fighting over territory."

"So Mami-san needs backup." Sayaka muttered, "Against people who are like Akemi-san?"

"Yup! Everyone wants those grief seeds, except Yuuta I supposed." Kyubey paused, "I can see why you two are so scared of dying. There are some cases where a witch killed a Puella Magi." Madoka widened her eyes, "But hey, if a man fights a lion, the man has a fifty percent chance of living."

"So Kyubey, who is Yuuta anyhow?" Sayaka asked, Kyubey for the first time ever, blinked, "Kyubey?"

"That's hard..." Kyubey muttered, "Every time I try remembering, all I got is a DEADPOOL in my head." Ah yes, the person in the weird outfit when they first saw Puella Magi, "I won't force you two to be magical girl so I have to find some girl who will. Not a boy since that was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Sorry Kyubey." Madoka apologized to the alien, "But I'm having a hard time thinking if I should be one."

"Don't worry! I'm sorry I got you two involved." Kyubey looked at them, "Ah yes, Sayaka, if you keep hugging Madoka, you might get infected."

"Okay..." Sayaka backed away, making Madoka fall.

"WHO'S MAKING ALL THIS RACKET?!" The crack addict screamed underneath them. They too screamed.

* * *

At Mami's residence, Madoka looked at the sign. She opened the door slowly and looked around to see Mami was busy eating Pizza Hut, "Mami-san?"

"Hey Kaname-san." Mami groaned out, "What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting, seeing if you are alright." Madoka went towards the table. And set a book of tea etiquette down, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Yuuta-san seemed to have a spare supply of grief seeds to he sent me his." The blonde held up a bag, "I don't know why but he means well. I need a break after that, to recover." Madoka nodded in understanding.

"Pizza?" Mami offered, Madoka blinked before shaking her head. The pizza was filled with puke and grief seeds (she ate them).

"No thanks." Madoka slowly backed away and out of the apartment.

"I'm so lonely." Mami sighed, "Oh well, time to dwell on it."

* * *

Outside the building Madoka stepped out and saw to her shock and horror and love was Akemi Homura.

"Homura-chan~" Madoka ran towards her and tugged her leg, Homura blushed.

"Yuuta! Restrain her!"

"Got it!" Madoka was restrained by Enkidu and was hung up into the air.

"So, is it nice Tomoe's alive?" Homura questioned, Madoka nodded as she was still lovestruck, "You seem to have taken my advice. Yuuta, put her on a leash."

"Yes ma'am!" Yuuta came out of nowhere and attached a dog chain on Madoka.

* * *

"Yuuta! Let me touch Homura-chaaaaan~" Madoka begged and she was restrained. They walked through the bridge and anybody who saw the, thought this was creepy threesome foreplay.

"Madoka, do you know what would happen if Yuuta wasn't there to save Tomoe-san?" Madoka blinked, "If Tomoe-san died, I would have needed to save you."

"Wow Homura-chan! You seemed to be so wise, mature, so cute..." Homura had Madoka's head run down her leg to her sheer pleasure.

"Don't get kinky here." Yuuta reminded them.

"If Tomoe Mami died in that barrier, her body would never be found. If would take a very long time for someone to declare her missing."

"I love your voice Homura-chan~" The ravenette wondered why the girl was acting like this.

"Yuuta, what did you do?" She dead stared at him as he rubbed his head awkwardly.

"Didn't do anything." He stated, "My guess, she realized her lost and desire for you." Homura kicked his nuts, "Or...maybe not!"

Homura grabbed Madoka and tied her leash onto a railing and put the key far from her but not unreachable, " should protect me." Homura and Yuuta began walking away as Madoka squirmed for the keys.

"Halp!" Madoka yelled and Youtube commenter passed by.

"Boo, you suck!" He yelled as he threw Madoka a cup of coffee and she screamed as the hot liquid drenched her. Yuuta was busy smiling.

* * *

Here is some filler.

Kyubey was busy walking around the city looking ripe horny teenage girls to trick into contracts. He looked around until he saw something very familiar to him.

For the first time ever, Kyubey was terrified.

"INCUBATOR! YOU HAVE BEEN TARGETED BY THE DALEKS OF SKARO." The Dalek screamed as Kyubey was being cornered into the alleyway.

"A D-Dalek?!" Kyubey said in fright, "You're supposed to be dead, you're race! The Time War!" Kyubey shouted in denial, he was horrified that such...a monster still existed. Even the Incubators, who lived in secret knew these things, even though they say it was impossible for them to have emotions, this is one of the few times emotions can be triggered.

"WELL, WE ARE NOT DEAD." The Dalek aimed his gun at him, "PREPARE TO BE EXTERMINATED."

"NO!" Kyubey closed his eyes in fear, even though he'll get a new body, the gruesome acts of Daleks have been known throughout history, or at least to aliens people.

"Hah!" For the first time, Kyubey realized instantly he was played. What came out of the Dalek was Yuuta, "The look on your face! You actually thought a Dalek was here!" He laughed, Kyubey, even though it was impossible for his race, felt RAGE.

"Excuse me, but why did you get a Dalek body?" Kyubey asked, Yuuta felt his anger in the voice, "Tell. Me."

"Magic." Yuuta chuckled, "Anyhow, this is...the fourth time I made you feel emotions, counting your fear and anger." Kyubey looked at him, noting her smug exterior, "I'm the largest oddity you've seen but you barely know my backstory."

"I do. It's...uh."

"See, XMinerCobra never wrote a backstory!" Yuuta exclaimed, "He simply says it's a day you don't like remembering because it never existed! I never existed until I helped Homura!" Yuuta screamed, Kyubey tilted his head.

"XMinerCobra...you speak of this person as if he is god." Kyubey noted.

"Because he IS!" Yuuta retorted and ran away, leaving a curious Incubator in an alley with a disintegrating Dalek armor. Kyubey found the boy strange, especially his ability to even create a contract. Kyubey's eye twitched, being aware it was his fault for a such an...anomaly to exist even though he was aware how the anomaly started.

* * *

"Kamijo-kun?" Sayaka looked at the boy who was busy listening to music, "Are you okay?" The boy looked depressed as fuck.

"No Sayaka, this is NOT okay." He declared, "I can't play! My skills are trash now! I'm useless!" He bitch whined, Sayaka went towards him.

"It's okay! With time and effort, you can recover!" Sayaka encouraged him, Kyosuke simply looked at her in pure shock.

"How can you say that? My GAWD! I killed a bird with that violin!" Kyosuke cried out, "I'm so terrible that I'm gonna be banned from playing music again?"

"T-That's not true! You'll recover!"

"HOW?! I CAN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC!" Kyosuke brought his hand down to the music player and he broke it, his hands bled, "OH SHIT! I FORGOT I CAN STILL FEEL!" Kyosuke simply fainted to Sayaka's horror.

"K-Kamijo-kun!" Sayaka looked at his hand, she looked out the window to see Kyubey.

"Contract?" Kyubey asked, as if he was waiting. Like a molester in a alley-scratch that sentence.

* * *

At nighttime, Madoka was walking through the street. She was soaked with coffee and the leash was still on her collar (it was nearly impossible to take it off).

"Yuuta-kun. Why do you must harm everything that comes in your way?" Madoka asked herself silently, "But Homura-chan is cute, so, yeah." She drooled, imagining Homura doing naughty things to her.

'Madoka-chan...' Imaginary Homura drenched chocolate over the girl's sweet body, 'You'll taste so sweet...'

"KYAH!" Madoka squealed in pleasure of her fantasies, she turned to her left before stopping, "Hitomi-chan?" It was the girl in question, "Hitomi-chaaaan!" Madoka ran towards her, "I need specific love advice!"

She stopped when she saw the kiss on her neck, a witch's to be precise, "Oh crap!" Madoka didn't think she would say crap so easily, likely a bad influence by Yuuta, "Hitomi-chan!" Madoka stopped the girl from walking.

"Ah, Kaname-san, how do ya do?" Hitomi welcomed, Madoka began freaking out.

"W-What happened to you? Where are you going?"

"To hell of course!" Hitomi answered in delight, "I can drink meth and get boob jobs all day!"

"Hitomi...!"

"Ah, Kaname-san, please come with me!" Hitomi grabbed Madoka's leash and began pulling her, Madoka's butt scrapped on the floor.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!" As Hitomi walked towards a warehouse whilst dragging Madoka, people who were in similar states walked towards the warehouse, dazed like her.

"Sayaka-chan!" Madoka yelled in help. Sonce they were inside the factory, she could hear the rambling of depression.

"I can't beat Dark Souls..."

"Why did I have that potato?"

"Why did I walk-oh yeah."

She looked around the place as the door closed, a woman set down a bucket and poured some chemicals into it. A man came also with another bottle, Madoka remembered this.

"Madoka, if one day an alien in our house and nobody is here and the world is being invaded, mix these two together and it'll blow this house and kill everyone." Junko smiled at her.

"W-Why am I doing that?!"

"Look, this is OxiClean, this is crack." She held the two bottles, "I'm not being impregnated by aliens." She handed her the two bottle to her, "Don't fail me when aliens come!"

Madoka was left speechless.

"Y-You can't!" Madoka ran towards the hypnotized people until Hitomi lunched her gut, she puked everywhere.

"Don't interfere-" Hitomi looked at her puked hand, "Ew." She wiped it on Madoka's uniform, "This is a HOLY ceremony. You're disrespecting god if you interrupt."

"But you're an atheist!"

"I found paradise." Hitomi simply answered.

"B-But what you're doing will kill everyone!" Madoka protested, Hitomi simply smiled.

"Ah, but we'll reach the holy paradise!" Hitomi twirled around, "No more ISIS or any of that. I love being dead, we'll be back when the zombie apocalypse occurs! Dirty sex in heaven is good, Kaname-san."

"B-But you're a homophobic also!"

"Not if I'm dead!" Hitomi grabbed her hand and the zombiefied people in the background clapped, "It will be necrophilia! Not gay sex!"

"G-Get away!" Madoka ran towards the bucket, grabbed it and threw it out of a window, she looked behind her to see very rapists looking zombies coming towards her. She backed away and found a door and opened it and slammed the door shut before anyone could get in.

"What should I do, what should I-" She whimpered until she saw the witch, "Oh SHIT." She slapped herself for cursing and suddenly familiars came up and began latching onto her, "Y-You're in my pantsu!" Madoka yelled and then she exploded.

* * *

Madoka blinked and saw she was in methville as TVs hovered around her, showing memories in different perspectives, "Is this...how I'm going to die?" She asked herself out loud, "I'll die a virgin...I can't date Homura-chan...lame way to die."

Soon some familiars began stretching her and she yelped when a big ass sword took them out, "S-Sayaka-chan?!" Madoka looked at Sayaka who wore this very fetished outfit of a corset and a cape, "Sayaka-chan! Why are you wearing such a sexy outfit?!"

"I'm trying to save you!" Sayaka slashed some familiars going after them with her blade and aimed for the TV witch, "My finishing strike!" Madoka looked up to see the awesome move only to see something else that was blue.

"Sayaka-chan! Cover your pantsu!"

"I'm busy!" Sayaka stabbed the witch and it exploded once it connected to supposed 'ground'.

* * *

Meanwhile with Homura and Yuuta on top of a pair of pipes, eating Chef Tony's™.

"Well, that was an awesome fight even though it was quick." Yuuta mused, "Does Kyubey create the costumes or does the magic create the costume in accordance to the wisher?"

"I cannot say." Homura replied, "I am not interested in these sorts of things."

"If it's the first, Kyubey has a lot of explaining to do for dressing Mami like an English prostitute and Sayaka as a not too sexual stripper." Homura frowned, her face hardened and she now found new reasons to shoot Kyubey.

* * *

In the warehouse, the zombie people were now unconscious people (best sentence ever) and Sayaka put her hands behind her head.

"Sorry, you had to see my pantsu." Sayaka apologized.

"Sayaka-chan? Why are you dressed like not too sexual stripper?" Sayaka frowned and bonked Madoka with the hilt of her sword lightly, "Ow.."

"Made a contract." Sayaka smiled, "I might be new at this but I did a pretty good job, no Yuuta to mess it up." They looked next to them to see Yuuta and Homura staring at them.

"Hello!" Yuuta threw his empty Chef Tony's™ onto the ground, "Why do you look like a not too sexual stripper Sayaka?"

"I'm not! Why does everyone keep calling me that?!" She glared at the two, "Want me to beat you two down?"

"You're an ant compared to what I have!" Yuuta boasted to Sayaka and Homura's irritation.

"Oh yes I can."

"Uh no you can't."

"Oh yes I can."

"Uh no you can't."

"Oh yes I can."

"Uh no you can't."

"Oh yes I can."

"Uh no you can't."

"Why is Madoka wearing a leash?"

"Because she wants to f#%$!"

* * *

Meanwhile in a hospital, Kyosuke woke up suddenly with the urge to play music, he looked around and grabbed his violin which he wanted to use, "I'll just fail again." He grabbed it and began playing it, to his shock, it didn't sound shitty, "What the nuts?!" He played it and it played a soothing rhythm, "It's back baby! Ah yeah!" A rock went through his window and hit his head, knocking him back at the bed unconscious.

"That's for tainting Sayaka!" A yuri fan yelled before walking away.

* * *

Kyoko was busy watching over the city as Kyubey landed next to her, "It seems I never expected you of all people to be here." Kyubey said as Kyoko ate her apple.

"I heard about this magical boy you never told me about." Kyoko bit her apple, "You say he can create more grief seeds than what it looks like and is a pain in the neck for you."

"Yes as it seems." Kyubey paused, "You aren't going to attempt to kill Yuuta, are you? I also gave a new contract to another girl."

"No, I won't. For the second, that's annoying. She'll try to take my new turf." She growled under her breath.

"What are you gonna do Kyoko?" Kyubey questioned and the girl smirked.

"What do you think? I'll defeat the new magical girl. For Yuuta..." She smiled, "It's like what they say. If I kill the goose, I can't get the golden eggs."

"Well picked words, Kyoko. Well picked words."

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter-Ep 6

"We have a very important guess today, Kamijo Kyosuke." The imaginary audience clapped as the kidnapped boy screamed under his gag, "Oh shut up!"

"HLP ME!"

"As today's skit, we'll be performing surgery." Yuuta had a chainsaw, "Do not worry! I'm a professional at this!"

"AHHHHH."

* * *

 **HEY!**

 **This took so long! My ass hurts, my school hurts, everyone freaked out Paris blew up, that stuff.**

 **Yuuta: The goddamn yuri fans will hang you if you ship me with Kyoko.**

 **STAY TUNED!**


	7. No Ships4U

No Ships4U

* * *

 **Hello my sexy sexy viewers who are here to read this fic! I know I haven't been the most quickest of authors but I'm here now to help this fic! My damn homework is everywhere because my teacher loves watching me suffer. My mom won't print my homework since it would take ten seconds (THEN WHY NOT USE TEN SECONDS RIGHT NOW)?! Also APEC decided to kill my internet but I was able to use tape and a marker to get it back. Obama, please, I don't live in the US anymore, please.**

 **Yuuta: You bastard!**

 **W-What?**

 **Yuuta: You're trying to ship me with Kyoko!**

 **No!** **I have promised to not ship Yuuta even though the two are adorable together-**

 **Yuri fans: YOU SON OF A BITCH.**

 **GAH!**

 **T-800: Get down.**

 **STORY IS NOOOOOOOOOW.**

* * *

Sometime ago on top of a hospital...

"You really have the power to make wishes come true?" Sayaka asked Kyubey who nodded.

"Yup! I think I know what you want to wish for." Sayaka nodded and Kyubey used his ears to touch Sayaka's heart and she fell down...ish.

"Take your soul gem. You need it." Sayaka grasped it.

TIME FOR THE OPENING.

* * *

Yuuta's here~

Yuuta's here~

To fuck the show~

Oh yeah~

Fuck your shit~

Screw Gen and his dark bull~

Oh yeah~

Yuuta here to rape this show's seriousness~

Fuck ya shits~

Why~

(I dare you to sing that to the show's opening. I double dare you, mothermucker.)

* * *

Hitomi yawned in the classroom, "Oh my, sorry, I'm too tired." Hitomi rubbed her eyes, "I was at both the hospital and police station last night."

"Hmm? How come?" Sayaka asked, knowing why she did so.

"They say I was sleepwalking. They found me on the ground with everyone else." Hitomi explained to them.

"Scary." Sayaka mused, "So what happened then?"

"The doctors explained I and the people were suffering from collective hallucination from ISIS or something but suddenly I became very religious." Madoka cringed, "I gotta go back there tomorrow after I visit church."

"So it's a 'revelation'?" Sayaka joked, "I think you should take the day off."

"I can't! I'd look like I had Ebola or something." Hitomi refused, "I'm not going out of school because of a terrorist attack." Hitomi took something out of her bag.

"You're such a honor student! So dedi-" Sayaka blinked, "What are you putting in your mouth?"

"Vibrating dildo, duh." Madoka and Sayaka looked in horror as Hitomi was using a vibrating dildo to brush her teeth, "I also found this weird homosexual urge also."

"Nice...'revelation'?" Sayaka stuttered out, "Where did you get that-"

"I brought extra." She was took two more out while brushing her teeth still, "You both want some?"

"No thanks..." Homura stared at them in the most kawaii pose she has ever done.

"I'll take one." Madoka grabbed the dildo from Hitomi and pointed it at Homura while licking her lips. Homura gave the most horrified look she has ever had while Hitomi still offered the dildo.

"I know you want it..."

"N-No!"

"YUUTA'S HERE BITCHES!" Suddenly Yuuta fell through the ceiling and everyone looked at him as, again, he broke through several layers, "I'm back." The class stared at him as Sayaka grabbed Hitomi's spare dildo and lodged the object into Yuuta's eye, "This is surprisingly relaxing."

* * *

Homura banged her head on the table.

By a field of windmills, the trio consisting of Yuuta, Madoka and Sayaka were lying on the grass and not minding the dangerous radiation coming from the lake.

"Ah, never felt this great in ages." Sayaka stretched her arms, "What about you Yuuta? Madoka?"

"Aren't you scared Sayaka?" Madoka asked her in concern, "You saw what nearly happened to Mami-san."

"Who wouldn't?" Sayaka replied, "But we're okay, as long as I'm protecting people, I'm okay. What's Mami-san been doing? We haven't...talked in awhile."

"I recommend you don't go to her place." Madoka and Yuuta said to Sayaka's confusion.

* * *

"OPEN UP!" Mami was busy with her musket defending her apartment from the police who received a report of extreme amounts of cheese coming out of the roof of the apartment underneath Mami's. When the police came to her doorstep, she defended the place with her life, "MISS, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR, WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN."

"NEVER." Mami shot the door, "I'll shoot again!"

"We need backup, asap!" She heard the officer yell to his radio, Mami grabbed another slice of Pizza Hut and aimed at the door again.

* * *

"Yeah..." Yuuta trailed off, "Also, are you aware I'm both younger than you?" That's when the girls grabbed their Morning Rescues™ and spatt ehm out.

"W-What?" Sayaka repeated to the brunette who laid on the grass uncaringly.

"I'm younger! I'm just barely older than Homura." This info came to be shocking for the girls as it seemed so out of place but so appropriate at the same time.

"So...awkward silence." And that just happened for awhile, "Well! Show us your soul gem Sayaka!"

"Oh, right.' Sayaka took her soul gem out, "Ever since getting this thing, feel...maybe pride, confidence, fear? I don't know but I like it!" She declared hotly to Yuuta's amusement. Sayaka stood up.

"The Sayakachopter!" Yuuta ran and dove into the lake at the sight of Sayaka's head overlaying a windmill' image, "No? Okay." Yuuta immediately got out of the water, soaked, "I need to get dry." He flexed and suddenly he exploded, "I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIIIIIIIIIN!" They saw he was now a twinkle in the sky.

"Well, I supposed now magical girl Sayaka will protect the city with magical girl Mami once I try getting her." Sayaka smiled at Madoka.

"So...you don't regret it at all?"

"Nope!" Sayaka pumped her fists into the air, "I made my wish and I needed to do the other part of the deal. I can die trying but I won't go down easily!"

"Sayaka..." Madoka sniffed, being moved by her heroic declaration

"Now what are you thinking?" Sayaka poked Madoka's face, "C'mon, don't be like that!"

"But should I..."

"Look Madoka, I don't care if I'm a magical girl, a police officer, maybe even a construction worker, if they're happy, I'm happy." Sayaka told the pinkette, "I made my wish and if I had another, I just wished so I can realize what I wished for a wished for that wish."

"That last sentence is horrible." Madoka muttered, "It is really horrible."

"I'm not the best in school." Sayaka stood up, "Well, I need to go!"

"W-Where?"

"Somewhere." Sayaka was waltzing away towards the hospital as-

"INCOMING!"

Sayaka was crushed into the ground when Yuuta landed on her and made them plummet into a hole in the ground.

"S-Sayaka-chan!" Madoka looked into the hole. She turned red seeing what the problem was.

"Sayaka! Is that you? I see something blue so it must-" He was kicked out of the hole, "Oh, that's what it was-" He was dragged back to the hole and was being beaten by Sayaka.

"GET IT OUT OF YOUR DAMN HEAD!"

"I can't if I'm looking right at it." This prompted her to beat him further. Madoka couldn't help but giggle at his misfortunes. She had this fetish for suffering, so she can make it all better later. That's fucked up.

* * *

Back at the hospital (hope that place gets blown up), Sayaka was busy sitting next to Kyosuke was busy strumming his violin and was amazed how it was not killing a baby every time he strummed it.

"So, you've not been discharged yet?"

"I need leg rehab because of this bed, the doctor thought I could walk just fine because I'm supposedly surrounded by miracles." Kyosuke rubbed the bandage on his forehead, "They also said bad luck happens to me because of my head. Don't know why I can play violin again but I'm happy for it to be back."

Sayaka smiled, seeing him happy again, "So, does everything feel okay now?"

"It feels like I'm now blessed and cursed now, as if I'm a man who just woke out of bed and decided 'I should overdo with extremely dark stuff because my name is Gen-'" He paused, "I'm just so happy." Petals came out of the window, "Sorry I was mean to you. I was like a little girl screeching over her doll.

"Ah, I don't remember that." Sayaka eased him, "Kyosuke is happy now and I don't care about anything else but him right now."

"You're so sweet." The two remained silent, "Is there a person with a rock outside?"

"No." Sayaka looked at her watch, "It's almost time."

"Eh?"

"We need fresh air Kyosuke." Sayaka clapped her hands.

* * *

"Why are we on an elevator?" Kyosuke asked, on a wheelchair, "And the roof also?"

"Don't worry, just watch." Sayaka grabbed the wheelchair and the two waited as the elevator began hovering upwards. Once they arrived, Kyosuke was pushed outside to see his parents, the doctor and the nurses who took care of him clapping.

"Huh?" Kyosuke jumped, "Everyone? Even the fatass nurse?"

"See, nobody loves me." The male nurse sighed in sadness.

"We'll have a real party once you're discharge. But since you hands were healed first..." His father grabbed the violin off a nurse's hands and towards Kyosuke.

"You told me to do something with it but I couldn't watch it get thrown away or rot in an attic." He opened the box.

"Uh, dad."

"Yes?"

"That's a box of porno."

"Oh, well then." He took out another box and opened it, "You had two boxes the same so I took both. Why do you have-"

"Never mind." Kyosuke wheeled over to the violin and grabbed it, "Can I...?"

"Don't be afraid." His father encouraged him, "Just do it."

"DO IT!" Shia LeBeouf yelled at him, "JUST DO IT!"

"A-Alright." Kyosuke played the violin which everyone listened silently.

Jesus, this was boring.

"Thanks Kyubey, my wish has been granted." Sayaka looked at the sun bleached sky, "I have absolutely no regrets. Happiest moment of my life right now."

Once his violin playing ended (violin skills level up), Kyosuke was greeted by applause to which he bowed down at.

Then a bird pooped on him.

* * *

On another equally tall building, Kyoko was busy watching Sayaka through binoculars, "So that's the magical girl with Mami? Huh, I've seen worse hair than blue."

"Are you sure you can take her?" Kyubey asked, "She has Mami to back her up."

"Nah, she looks like she's a newbie." Kyoko looked back at the Incubator, "I'll just punch her lights out."

"And Yuuta?"

"Don't get worried! Is this is part of your 'grand plan'?" Kyoko walked around the tower, "Now there turns out of be another Puella Magi in town? Why didn't you tell me that earlier?"

"I didn't create a contract with her."

"Whaaaat? You're shitting me." Kyoko said in disbelief, "All contracts come from you."

"Maybe, perhaps no but all I know is she is one of you."

"An anomaly."

"Exactly. I cannot tell what she's gonna do but she's only your second greatest threat." Kyubey warned her, "Yuuta is the most powerful magical girl (boy) I have ever created and he exceeds me in so many ways."

"I like challenges, keeps the boredom away, "Extra spiciness." She ate her fish cracker (I don't know what it's called).

"Anybody call me?"

"Eh?" Kyoko looked to see Yuuta standing there as if he was waiting, "How the fuck did you get here without me noticing you?" She manifested her Puella Magi outfit and aimed her spear against his neck, "Better hand me over all those grief seeds."

"Oh shush now! I won't unless you do a favor for me!" He slapped the spear onto the floor with his gauntlets, she growled and summoned another one, "Kyubey, were you conspiring against me?"

"I cannot deny that. You are too powerful for your own good." Kyubey responded, "Kyoko, you may need to beat him down."

"Kyubey, I know when I'm gonna be beat, I'm not that stupid." She vaporized her spear, "Now what the hell are these terms?"

"First off, I'll hand you a box of grief seeds later after you deal with the two other chicks." Yuuta grinned, "Second...I'll treat you out to dinner."

"Heh, I'll do what-say what." She blushed deep red, "The fuck did you just say?"

"I'll treat you out to dinner, some fast food? Ice cream afterwards to smooth things over? What do you say?" He offered, "Not a date, I promise."

"O-Okay?"

"Splendid, see you!" Yuuta jumped out of the window and flew away (oh yeah, he's that OP), Kyoko was left pondering what she just did before smiling.

"Maybe I can make this work..." She smiled evilly before leaving to do business.

In the meanwhile, XMinerCobra was being beaten by yuri fans.

* * *

Back at the mall, in the cafeteria, Madoka was busy with Homura and the pinkette was trying to use her feet to get up her skirt, "Homura-chan~"

"M-Madoka, please, not here!" Homura blushed, seeing the passers have uncomfortable looks, "Can you please tell me why we're here?"

"Oh yeah, wait." Madoka licked her lips, her having...dangerous fantasies, "It's Sayaka-chan, she's thickheaded, stubborn but nice, brave and amazing!" Madoka had this scary rape look, "But not better than Homura-chan."

"That's weakness for a Puella Magi." Homura responded, "Once you accept that, your personality becomes your weakness and-OH~" Homura felt the girl's foot slide up her thigh, "Madoka..."

"You like it Homura-chan~"

"Christ! Do it in a room!" An employee went to their table and poured the coffee onto their heads, "I don't need to pay to clean semen covered seats after the ceiling incident which cost me my salary!" He left, huffing, Homura wiped the coffee off her hair.

"Well, I supposed I cannot do anything but warn you to give up on Miki. Now excuse me." Homura stood up, "I have leave, really badly."

"Homura-chan~" Madoka cried out, tears flowing out of her eyes, "Don't leave~"

* * *

In a room (likely her apartment, never damn specified) with three mirrors, Sayaka looked straight into the center one, "Are you nervous?" Kyubey asked, Sayaka smirked.

"Not at all, time to go outside." Sayaka (because she lacked any other clothes, I mean really, she always wore the same damn clothes), "Nothing else to wear today. If I had a second wish, I would have wanted clothes."

"You're a hobo Sayaka, you're a hobo." Kyubey stated factually.

Sayaka exited her apartment complex before jumping slightly, "Madoka? Yuuta?"

"Pleasure's all mine. I had to walk Madoka home because she got drenched in coffee...for a second time this week." Yuuta sighed, "Mami never dealt with these problems."

* * *

"STAY BACK MOTHERMUCKERS!" Mami shot with a musket at the officer who wore bulletproof armor. Mami was using an actual firearm this time.

"Miss, please. We are not here for your Pizza Hut, we are here to wonder why you have firearms without a license in your home." The officer reasoned and stood back as Mami aimed the musket on his face.

"You'll never take Pizza Hut from me!" Mami fired at his head as the bullet entered his brain, the body collapsed as brains and blood with a hint of skull littered the floor, "Oh no, what have I done!"

Mami panicked, dropping the musket, "I gotta get rid of the body, boobs! Will you help me?" They jiggled, "That's a yes!"

* * *

"I still do not wish to visit her home." Yuuta shivered, "So, Madoka! Talk!"

"Sayaka-chan, are you...gay yet?" Madoka asked to Sayaka's horror.

"N-No! My feelings are with Kamijo-kun!" Sayaka declared proudly, "I shall patrol the city in Mami's place!"

"Um...I shouldn't come, I'll get in your way."

"Oh lighten up! In one in a million timelines you can get your friends killed but in a few others, you'd only traumatize them!" Sayaka glared at him, "Whoop. Triggered." He was kicked in the balls, "Weak spot."

"Well, as the successor to Mami, it's my duty to watch over the city." Sayaka smiled, "Then go with us! Yuuta will just give them hell if I can't fight. He'll protect you while I'm there fighting witches!"

"After I heal my ballsack."

"After he heals his ballsack." Sayaka corrected herself after Yuuta's pain, "If he does anything perverted to you, tell me and I'll kill him!" Sayaka gave a smile to a mortified Madoka.

"Don't worry, I'm bi, also Madoka is too flat-" Sayaka kicked his nuts again, "Why does that hurt of all things?!"

"Do not worry Madoka! As your friend, we shall fight until the world decides to burn!" Sayaka clutched the pinkette's hands, "So, what do you say?"

"Kiss, kiss." Yuri fans in the background had their cameras ready, "We're busy."

"Enemy twelve o'clock! Attack!" Kyubey yelled and Yuuta and Sayaka pulled out their weapons to defend themselves against the perverts.

"We cannot be killlllled!" The yuri fans blasted into the stars, leaving Kyubey wondering what the fuck just happened.

"I'm old."

"What Kyubey?" Madoka perked up.

"N-Nothing." Kyubey looked at her, "Do not worry Madoka, look how badass these two are, if you make a wish now you can become like them and help people."

"Help...people..." Madoka murmured as they walked a VERY large amount of distance and she didn't notice, the sun was about to go down, "Sayaka would be against it though."

"You don't have to decided yet, you can decide whenever." Kyubey told her as they walked down the stairs and (Jesus, you guys are walking in the speed to the Buddha's timeframe) and through a crowd of older men.

"This is uncomfortable." Yuuta whispered to Sayaka who nodded. Their gems glowed when they reached an alley. The moment they looked the entire area around them exploded into yellow.

"This barrier is likely caused by a familiar." They walked through the endless staircase, "But that shouldn't butter you up on the fight." Suddenly out of damn nowhere, a familiar on a WWII wearing a princess crown zoomed by them screaming gibberish.

So this is Star vs The Forces of Evil now?

"I got it, Yuuta, take care of Madoka." Sayaka commanded, Yuuta shrugged and grabbed the girl's hand.

"The moment Sayaka is killed, your body will be my shield against the blood." Yuuta teased her to Madoka's horror. Sayaka did the not so sexual stripper outfit transformation right on top of them, Yuuta covered Madoka's eyes with his hands, "Sayaka! There are children here!"

"Well excuuuuuuuuuuse me princess!" Sayaka summoned circle of swords around her and threw them at the witch who dodged and deflected each attack until it ran away.

Boom, Kyoko.

"The hell are you guys doing?" Yuuta was still covering Madoka's eyes.

"Who are you?" Madoka got out of Yuuta's blind grasped and Sayaka charged at Kyoko who pointed a spear at her in retaliation.

"You two should have let it go. That was a familiar, not a witch." Kyoko bit her fish cracker, "Why did you want to kill it? Oh hey Yuuta."

"Why do I want to-?! People will die if that familiar is-" Sayaka paused, "YOU KNOW HER?!" Sayaka yelled at Yuuta who had a sheepish grin.

"Long story. I kinda asked her for dinner..." Sayaka and Madoka's jaws dropped, "Not in a bad way, I do this in good faith to my humanity."

"Uh." Sayaka groaned before returning to Kyoko, "Now who are you and what you're doing letting that familiar get away?!"

"Well jeez, don't you know? Familiars grow into witch's if they aren't butchered yet." Kyoko twirled her lance, "That's how you get grief seeds. Killing the damn goose that kills the eggs."

"So I should let innocent people die to those monsters?"

"Pretty much. You got some messed up ideas kid, you're new to the magical girl business, aren't you?" She went towards them, "It's like the fucking food chain really, the predators eat the prey, then bigger predators eat the predator. We're the bigger predators, the predators are witches, and the prey are the poor fools who get killed. Even princess over there knows that."

Madoka shrunk behind Yuuta as Kyoko bit another part of the fish, "Damn cycle of life, you know?" Now she towered over Sayaka as if she was a not well experienced youth who asked a gangster for money, "Ideas about heroic service and the greater good are bull."

They just kept walking and walking as the yuri fans who are in space took photos.

Chains from Kyoko's spear stopped Yuuta and Madoka from interfering, "Really? You believe in such crap about justice and saving people?" She took a quick glance at Kyubey.

"Bastard...people like you are better off not living!" Sayaka swung her blade at Kyoko but the redhead blocked it with her spear.

"Christ, give it a rest!" Kyoko exclaimed as Sayaka put more force into her slash, "You're really pushing yourself too much." Kyoko bit into her cracker again, "Dumbass." Kyoko knocked Sayaka over, using her chains as a whip and made Sayaka knocked away before the bluenette couldn't even stand up.

"S-Sayaka-chan!" Madoka exclaimed, "Y-Yuuta help her!"

"She'll kick my ass if I do!" Yuuta retorted, "Not doing that!" Kyoko turned around, away from Sayaka.

"That should put blue hair out of commission if she's not stupid." Kyoko looked at the two, "What are you looking at you princess and grief seed laying machine?"

"Do not worry! Sayaka had wished for someone's recovery so she can heal as a 'bonus effect' from her wish." Kyubey stated as Sayaka stood up.

"Why the hell...SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?!" Sayaka brought out her sword from the ground and aimed it at Kyoko, "People like you cause so much problems!"

"You piss me off." Kyoko bit the last of her cracker, "That's not the way to talk to your senpai."

"Shut up!" Sayaka slashed at her but had to go for the defensive once Kyoko used her chains, Sayaka kept blocking each blow until she lost her footing and Kyoko wrapped the chains around her a flung her into a wall.

"Potato?" Yuuta offered to Madoka who knew this wasn't the best time for it.

"You don't get don't get it when I talk to you, or even beat you." Kyoko charged at her, "So I supposed I'll just kill you!" Sayaka blocked the spear's jab woth the tip of her blade, "What?"

"I won't lose!" Sayaka swung forward as Kyoko jumped into the air. Sayaka jumped back and Kyoko slammed her spear onto the ground as if it was a hammer. Madoka watched in awe as the two kept on fighting.

"Why...why is this this happening? Why can't I do anything?" Madoka wondered out loud, "They're both not witches, they're on the same side! Why are they fighting?"

"Because you're not eating a potato." Madoka had a potato jabbed in her mouth, Madoka had her brain recharged but still had no idea what to do.

"Do not worry! I can make a contract with me and I'll make it ALLLLLL better!" Kyubey offered yet again as the two still fought.

"Of course, if I contract...but then again I can't do my daily Homura fap session...or play GTA V." Kyubey had veins of irritation pump into his head. Kyoko beat Sayaka down by tying her chains around her legs and tripping her over.

"I'll finish this!" Kyoko aimed her spear above Sayaka and dove down.

"That's my cue." Homura suddenly stepped into the middle of the battle, her pistols pointing at the two in a Western style. It was quiet, the silence was unbearable as two people who were ready to stab each other had a girl with two guns on their heads in the middle...

Well back to Mami!

* * *

"HIYA!" Mami tossed the sack with the body inside into the river, "That's take care of the problem." She looked around, "I ran out of money to buy Pizza Hut, what should I do to get more money?"

"Tech children buttball." A man suddenly startled her, "It's the future's best sport. You will be paid highly for this part time job." Mami immediately nodded, not knowing what the fuck buttball was.

"Fire rule." The man started, "Never tell your parents." He took out two fingers, "Second. NEVER TELL YOUR PARENTS." The man said loudly, "Here commemorative buttball plates." The man handed Mami a golden plates,

"Thanks...?"

"Go to a mystical house of teacups tomorrow." The man left leaving a confused Mami with a plate of Mr Wilson.

I am so sorry about this joke, here's the ending song.

* * *

FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH.

FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH.

YUUTA'S FUCKING YOUR SHIT. WHY ARE STILL READING THIS?! ARE YOU FAPPING TO MAMI HENTAI THERE.

(YOU HAVE A TINY WEINER)

NO YURI FANS HERE! OR ELSE DEATH THREATS WILL APPEAR. GAME GRUMPS REFERENCES HERE.

(WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS)

I NEED POO SO BADLY. YUUTAXSAYAKA WILL NEVER BE A THING. THIS FIC IS SHIT, WHY AM I STILL READING THIS. THIS MAKES JOHNNY TEST LOOKS LIKE A MASTERPIECE!

(WAAAAAH)

WHY IS THIS CREDIT SONG'S ANIMATION SO CHEAAAAP. I KNOW IT'S RANKED THE BEST ON SO MANY LISTS. MAINLY BECAUSE IT'S DEPRESSING, BECAUSE MADOKA RUNS. WHY ARE YOU STILL GONNA RUUUUUN.

EVEN THOUGH LEEAND,IE AND YCNANG MADE A COVER. I WON'T DENY THEIR EXISTENCE. WHY AM I STILL POOING WATCHING GAME GRUMPS?! YUUTA IS HERE TO FUCK GEN'S STORRRRRRY

(FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH!)

(FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH!)

(POOOOOOOPBCDBCRNCRNCNDC)

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter- Ep FUCK IT

"XMinerCobra forgot to write this?! Lazy bum." Yuuta was disintegrated immedietely.

* * *

 **HOPE YOU LIKE THE SONG. ON ITUNES NOW! PLATINUM RECORD.**

 **STAY TUNED.**


	8. Homura is Suffering

Homura is Suffering

* * *

 **HELLO MY FELLOW VIEWERS! MY GAWD THIS FIC IS HARD TO WRITE. I CANNOT WATCH ANY OTHER ANIME UNTIL I FINISH THIS. NO REVIEWS SINCE LAST CHAPTER, HOW GRATEFUL (SARCASM).**

 **Yuuta: Serves you right for messing with the wrong order.**

 **Eagle on a Chair: YOU FOOL! YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG ORDER!**

 **Anyway, the anime I want to watch is Nagi no Asukara (due to its opening) but because of you guys, I'm stuck.**

 **Hopefully I can finish this before Christmas as I need to open my presents from Santa.**

 **Santa: You will be buried for messing with our cute lolis.**

 **THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME. MY E-RANK LUCK IS HIGH!**

 **Yuri Fans: He's here! Get him!**

 **STORY IS HOLY SHIT-BLAAAAAAH.**

* * *

Like the previous episode, Sayaka was getting her ass handed to her by Kyoko. Until Homura intervened with her hair flowing. Homura sighed and pulled the pistols back into her shield.

"The fuck?" Kyoko aimed her spear at Sayaka before facing Homura, "So you're the irregular? You're technique is..."

"I couldn't be here, was busy flooding my house after watching The Fault in Our Stars." Homura wiped the tears off her face, Madoka was trying to get the chains off to get to Homura.

"Homura-chan~!" Madoka drooled, "My waifu."

"Jeez, that girl is gay." Kyoko stated, "And that's saying in a world where nearly all the damn girls are female."

"STAY OUT OF MY WAY!" Sayaka suddenly charged at them, sword in hand.

"Why do I fucking bother?" Kyoko poked the girl with the end of her spear in mid charge, making Sayaka fall onto the ground, "She's unconscious. Don't fucking worry." The redhead snapped her fingers and the chains disappeared.

"NO!" Homura and Yuuta yelled as Madoka ran towards Homura.

"This is interesting." Kyubey said as he watched the scene of Homura trying to kick Madoka off her leg.

"The fuck?" Kyoko frowned, seeing the scene, "Hey irregular. Why the fuck are you here?"

"I am an ally to the calm and an enemy to those who-MADOKA, DAMMIT." Homura finally flung Madoka across the all, "Sakura Kyoko, which are you, the enemy or the ally?"

"Eh?" She looked at the ravenette, the two stared dead eye into each other before Kyoko twirled her spear and out it on her shoulders, "I'm not wearing a tag telling me which side I'm in. I'm leaving with my dinner."

"Wise decision-" Homura paused, "What?"

"Your boyfriend over there invited me to dinner! I can tell he's gonna keep the damn word." Homura frowned before looking at Yuuta, "What you didn't know?"

"Whoops. Forgot to mention." He saw steam come out of Homura, "WELL, GOTTA LEAVE!" He and Kyoko jumped away as Homura stared with a baffled look. Sayaka was busy being ignored as Madoka crawled to Madoka.

"HOMURA-CHAN~! MAKE LOVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!" Madoka went up Homura's skirt and Homura was running around.

"M-MADOKA GET OFF OF ME!"

"NEVER!"

"I'm just here, unconscious. Don't mind me." Sayaka woke up for a second before passing out again.

"Akemi Homura...could she be...?!" Kyubey had the revelation that fit everything together before being trampled by Homura.

* * *

HERE'S THE OFFICIAL YUUTA OPENING SONG!

YUUTA IS HERE! TO FUCK UP! TO BREAK YOUR SANITY. WHY ARE YOU STILL READING?! THIS FIC IS SHIT. IT'S GARBAGE. I WANNA PEE SO BADLY!

(YUUTA MAGICA TITLE CARD OPENS UP)

WHEN YUUTA WAS YOUNG HE STRANGLED A BEAR. HOLY SHIT THAT'S MESSED UP AT LEAST HE'S NOT NORWEGIAN. I AM NOT RACIST BUT I'M NOT TELLING YUUTA'S RACE. BUT I'LL LEAVE THAT UP TO YOU BECAUSE I DON'T DAMN CARE!

HE HAS FABULOUS HAIR. IT MIGHT HAVE KILLED SOMEONE! LUCKILY HIS DICK DOESN'T HAVE ANY HAIR!

WHAT THE FUCK I AM TELLING THIS?! THIS FIC SHOULD M RATED. WHY THE FUCK AM I GONNA WRITE TODAAAAAAAAAAY.

YUUTA SHOOTS LASERS, POTATOES, SOME TACOS. EATING CHEF TONY'S™ ALL DAAAAAAY. WHY AM I SINGING BECAUSE I AAAAAAAAAMMMMM NEED WORDS!

THIS AUTHOR WANTS TO MAKE LONGER OR ELSE HE'LL GUILTY FOR BRINGING SOME CRAP. WHY THE FUCK AM I WRITING. EXCUSE ME AS I DIE!

(Applause)

* * *

"Okay. Like your food?" Yuuta asked Kyoko who was busy munching on Pizza Hut, "Uh..." Yuuta covered himself as bits and pieces of food.

"This is good pizza!" Kyoko bit into it more, "Fucking hell! Best date I've ever been to!"

"YOU SUCK!" A yuri fan threw a rock at Yuuta.

"So...negotiations?"

"Oh yes!" Kyoko finished eating her pizza, "Now, the amount of grief seeds?" She asked impatiently, "Where the fuck are they?"

"Dirty mouth!" Yuuta said, "You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Well she's damn dead!" Kyoko retorted, "What about your family?"

"My family is the world! Even if they blow each other through terrorism, call each other niggers through Youtube comments, or maybe threaten to rape feminists. I have a pretty terrible family." Yuuta stated to a puzzled redhead.

"Uh...the grief seeds?"

"We also never comment on good fics even though the said person dedicated his time into it. We also kill anyone who doesn't love yuri. We put First World terrorists attacks before Third World ones. My family is REALLY, REALY TERRIBLE-" He was slapped back to sense, "Oh sorry."

"My grief seeds, where are they?" Kyoko growled, "You're wasting my damn time as it is."

"Oh yes." Yuuta stood up, "I can give you to them...later."

"WHAT?!" Kyoko grabbed Yuuta and dragged him to the nearest alley (not to rape him, I'll never get away with that), she transformed and aimed her spear against his face, "Give me one reason not to stab this between your eyes."

"Well..." Yuuta brought outa dvd, "Magic Mike?" He brought out a dvd to Kyoko embarrassment, with very scantily clad men in the cover, "C'mon, you're a closet pervert."

"Uh!" She grabbed the dvd, "But still, where the fuck are my grief seeds?"

"I'll give them...another day! I promise." He smiled at her to ease her, "XMinerCobra needs my backstory is check before then."

"Wha-"

"TO VICTORY!" He flew away, leaving Kyoko shocked on wtf just happened. Her face turned into a grin as she looked at the dvd.

"Well, this became interesting." Kyoko said before a man came up to her.

"Excuse me, will you teach children the future's favorite sport known as buttball-" Kyoko jabbed her spear into the man's eye, "Okay, I'll call this recruitment a failure. Why didn't I work for Vault-Tec?" Kyoko jabbed him again, "Ow!"

* * *

 _And for a lazy way to gain reviews._

 _"Hello people. This is XMinerCobra here." The man himself said to the reader in the tone of a fancy business commercial, "As you know, we need your reviews, or else Madoka will be sad."_

 _XMinerCobra brought out a picture of a sad Madoka, "See this? You don't want this, review. Or else you get sad Homura." XMinerCobra nodded sympathetically before the commercial gets cut._

* * *

At Sayaka's apartment, she was busy bumping her soul gem and grief seed together to cleanse her soul gem. Sayaka left Madoka to do...whatever because the bluenette was pissed that Madoka cared more about getting into a hot thirteen years old's pants than her unconscious and potentially seriously injured friend.

"Don't close the corners, the witch hatching might speed up." Sayaka offered the empty grief seed to the alien and Kyubey took the item began rolling it to the insignia on his back where...it ate it, "Great, we're safe."

"Y-You ate it?" Sayaka asked in awe.

"Yup, just a duty of me, a not so suspicious cat rabbit thing!" I swear that was a Chowder reference, "But you gotta kill more witches to purify your soul gem next time." Kyubey told her as the lights turned on.

"Is it that important to keep it clean?" Sayaka stared at her soul gem.

"Sakura Kyoko was a fierce foe, was she not?" Kyubey pointed out, "With a pure soul gem, you can do whatever you want without worrying about using all your energy, like a MP bar in Kingdom Hearts. That's why Kyoko was stronger than you because she had a cleaner soul gem."

"So that's why she would try Minecraft farming grief seeds." Sayaka clenched her soul gem.

"As you use magic, your soul gem gets dirtier. The more dirty, the more weaker you become." Kyubey tilted his head, "Sayaka, the only way to beat Sakura Kyoko is a fair fight is to use grief seeds."

"I guess..." Sayaka yawned as she was tired as fuck, "Mami-san doesn't have that many grief seeds, but she still fights...where is she now?"

* * *

"What is THIS?!" Mami looked at the buttball in all directions, "This is...like American football except...it's futuristic." She eyed it carefully, she looked around her apartment to see if anyone was looking before she climbed on the buttball and sat on it.

"Hmm. It messages ." Mami blinked at the buttball vibrated, "Good thing I'm wearing panties or else this will be M rated."

* * *

"But she still fought." Sayaka continued, "Was she more skilled and talented than me?"

"That is undeniable true." Kyubey spoke truthfully, "She is older and more experienced in the magical girl area, sorry." Sayaka hung her head down before staring at the ceiling.

"NO FAAAAAAIR!" Yup, no wonder she's a few hundred people's waifu.

"It's unavoidable, Kyoko's talented and a veteran, also a sweet ass." Kyubey licked his mouth, "But on the other hand, prodigies can defeat veterans if their skill is better even though the enemy is more experienced."

"Eh, who?" Sayaka turned to Kyubey, "Yuuta?"

"Yuuta? No, that guy's the scariest thing since my thoughts I have alone in a bedroom." Woah, too dark, "I was talking about Kaname Madoka."

"Madoka?" Sayaka frowned, "You sure, she's kinda...lovestruck at the moment."

"Even though, I seen she has EXTREME potential to be a Puella Magi." Kyubey admitted, "If you're that desperate to get the power to stand up to Kyoko...Madoka is the best bet. Yuuta is a negative number because he'll make friends with the enemy."

"N-No! I won't ask help from any of them. I wouldn't forgive myself if she was hurt by this. This is my fight." She stared at her soul gem as her buttball fell off the shelf, "My buttball!"

"Buttball?" Kyubey looked at the object.

"The future's most popular sport!" Sayaka looked at the ball, "How does it work again?"

* * *

The next day in the mall, Kyoko and Yuuta were busy playing Chinese ripoff arcade games, Yuuta was winning because...fuck it, he's Yuuta.

"I'M A WINNER KYOKO! YAR YAR YAR YAR!" He and Kyoko got drunk last night and were having a ridiculous amount of fun fucking around the city. Homura stood behind them, amazed and slightly flabbergasted by the scene.

"The fuck are you doing here?" Kyoko kept on dancing, "I'm busy beating this bastard!" Kyoko bit her chips as she danced, "The hell you wanna asks me for?"

"The city's territory is your, you can keep it-" Homura was interrupted when Yuuta was busy doing the most mind boggling dance moves ever.

"I don't need to be in the game to win!" Yuuta's entire upper body slid off his lower body to Homura's shock and the lower body was still dancing.

"The FUCK?!" Kyoko kept dancing as well as kept eating, "Why do you have a change of heart, irregular?"

"People like you are better suited to be a Puella Magi, Miki couldn't handle such responsibly." Homura stated, "Why is his upper body still moving."

"Homuhomu, help me back to my body! There are ants! ANTS!" Homura sighed and grabbed the upper half of his body and placed him on his other half and they returned as if nothing ever happened, "Woo!"

"You're good with or without the halves of your body!" Kyoko grinend as the intensity of the game increased, "What about Sayaka? She'll try mowing me across the damn city later." Kyoko turned the conversation back to Homura.

"Perhaps this feud can end peacefully." Homura said, "Stay out of it."

"Homura! I can feel someone else coming!" Yuuta kept on doing-WTF, HOW ARE HIS LEGS DOING THAT?! Homura turned around as their game ended, "I'm winning!"

"No fair!" Kyoko turned to Homura who was tilting her head and staying silent, "Who the hell are you really?"

"Hey guys!" Homura turned around to see Mami, "Oh, it's you." Mami deadpanned.

"Tomoe, what are you doing here?"

"I arrived at the mall to get the basics on buttball." Mami shook her head, "Got a job and-is that Sakura-san?" Kyoko turned her head as she still kept on dancing (HOW ARE THERE LEGS STILL NOT COMING OFF).

"Oh yes, I forgot to mention, Walpurgisnacht is coming in a week." Kyoko frowned as Mami widened her eyes, "How I know is a secret."

"Hmm. The omega witch." The redhead grit her teeth, "Oh yeah, hey Mami."

"Hey Sakura-san." Mami greeted back, "So, this is an interesting revelation. Sakura-san, I supposed you ket Yuuta?"

"No shit, how many rounds did we do last night?" Homura had a nosebleed, "I mean, it was all night!" Mami immediately gained a larger nosebleed, "Yuuta, how many."

"Around thirty to forty, didn't count." Mami was puking blood, "Playing fighting games were hard, thirty rounds!" The blood subsided.

"Well, if any of you win..." Homura wiped the blood off her face, "I will leave this city." Mami smirked at that.

"So, how's Kaname-san and Miki-san? Are they doing okay?"

"Madoka is still Madoka. Miki is a magical girl now." Mami frowned before smiling again.

"Phew, I can finally take a break from witch hunting, the main reason I had to kill them is because they are ugly." Mami nodded her head nonchalantly, "Miki-san must be very brash around it."

"More like, it belongs in the trash!" Yuuta and Kyoko kept on dancing.

"Walpurgisnacht, huh, Yuuta keeps boating all night he can kill her." Homura's eye twitched.

"Yup, I WIN!" Kyoko punched Yuuta's face after the boy declared he won, smiling as he fell onto the floor, "Want some?" Kyoko pulled out some Chef Tony's™, "I know you want some." Homura didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

Back at the same alleyway from last night, Madoka and Yuuta walked around the creepy place until they saw Sayaka.

"So, the familiar was here but the tracks are gone." Kyubey nodded, "Oh well."

"This is her personal business, she'll kick my balls if I talk to her." Yuuta whispered to the pinkette, "May I also remind you that you left her unconscious as you whined about your crush?"

"H-Hey Sayaka-chan?" The bluennte looked at Madoka.

"Madoka! You left me unconscious last night!" Sayaka whined but not in the angry way, "Why?"

"S-Sorry Sayaka-chan! My hormones!" Madoma cried out, "If you keep hunting witches, you'll run into that girl from yesterday again!"

"Well, that's the case." Madoka stepped back.

"I think you s-should find her and talk things out before bad things happen." Sayaka turned to her not too sexual stripper outfit and aimed her sword at Yuuta.

"AND WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?!" She questioned him, "I had my wallet robbed from me! Thrown into a dumpster and then was teabagged by a CoD player!"

Yuuta whistled.

"Okay, but the sword day, lady, don't want people to come by to mistake this for teenage foreplay." Sayaka frowned before reverting back to her not so magical outfit.

"Kyubey, tell Madoka how was the fight yesterday." Sayaka said and Kyubey perked up.

"It was a duel to the death, they were like dogs trying to rip and gore each other." Kyubey informed to a shocked Madoka, "They wanted to kill each other but Homura didn't let that happen."

"That's horrible."

"Yes, that's why it is better to fight that girl!" Sayaka spread her arms open, "She uses innocent people to get grief seeds. We can never compromise."

"But S-Sayaka-chan, you became a magical girl to hunt witches!" Madoka reminded, "She isn't a witch, she's a magical girl just like you?"

"But don't worry about me! I'm COMPLETELY ignorable." Yuuta spoke up, "Don't need to mind me."

"There are ways for you two to be friends! You might have different ways to get grief seeds but you both want to hunt witches! There's Homura-chan~" Madoka may had a mini orgasm, "Homura-chan~"

Sayaka frowned, "Madoka-"

"Homura-chan~" She cheered on, "HOMUUUUUUURRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA-CHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN~"

"It's official, Homura is worse than Kyoko." Sayaka grit her teeth, "Those two must pay! Mami-san will agree!" Sayaka felt a tug in her leg, "Eh?"

"DON'T HURT HOMURA-CHAN~" Madoka bit onto Sayaka's leg and the two began running about, "DON'T YOU DARE SAYAKA-CHAN!"

"Y-Yuuta! Kyubey! Help!" Sayaka was surprised how Madoka overpowered her, "HELP!"

"It is your battle! Not mine!" Sayaka gave Yuuta the middle finger as Kyubey was trying to tempt and not listening Madoka to make a contract.

"Make a contract with me to get your Homura-chan!"

"OKAY!" Madoka leaped onto Kyubey before Yuuta grabbed Madoka and muffled her with his hands.

"NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. NOT DOING THAT IN THIS STORY!" Yuuta shouted, "Not fucking yet!"

* * *

Madoka was sleeping in her bed in her house due to the 'holy shit' day she was having. She opened her eyes and frowned, she needed advice on two subjects, one on Sayaka and one on how to bang Homura.

Then she heard glass break.

"Hmm?" She stood up and walked downstairs to see her mom and Yuuta again, "Oh no..."

"Junko? To waaaaaar! The Brotherhood of Steel is against us!" Yuuta and her mom were in drunk cosplay and Madoka didn't recognize the outfits (Power Armor).

"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" Junko brought out a laser gun and a real laser shot out of it and disintegrated a chair which made the girl jump in fright, "TO WAAAAAAAR!"

"We need the Doctor for this situation!" Yuuta took out a Sonic Screwdriver, "We need more references! The Triforce!" He brought out the famous sigil on his hand out with all Triforces on it, "THE POWAR!"

"KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAAAA!" Junko did the famous move and obliterated and made gaping wall in the house, Madoka was now very afraid of what they can do.

"M-Mama?" Madoka went down slowly, "Did you just...?"

"MADOKA! DON'T GET IN FIRING RANGE!" Junko shouted, "Mah gawd! I could have been FIRING MAH LAZAAAAAR at you!"

"Okay?" Madoka took a deep breath because right now, she was scared as fuck, "Mama, I need advice-"

"Shush Madoka! I know you have hormones for someone!" Junko said in a slurred way, "Even your adopted brother knows that!"

"HEEEEEEY!" Yuuta hiccuped, "She never actually adopted me!" Yuuta rammed his face to the wall.

"So, mama, I need advice." Madoka gulped, "There is a girl that I like and-"

"You want to bang her?" Junko drank another shot, "I mean, who doesn't wanna bang? Me and your dad overdid it a bit too much, that resulted you. Who knew a man could take so much of me riding him could-"

"M-Mama, stahp!" Madoka blushed and plugged her ears, "Alright, second advice, I need to help Sayaka. How can I?"

"Well, first things first. You're a damn cute girl." Junko barfed, "Your friend is a bit bold and brash but then all that belongs in the trash." Junko frowned, "Wait, what?"

"CHOCOLATE!" Yuuta ran past them.

"Well then, your brother over there is busy with...something, I supposed that means you are a nice girl." Madoka nodded, "You better take care of your friends and bang them! Otherwise life would be boring."

"I'M REALLY FEELING IT!" Yuuta took out the Monado, "I AM GAR!"

"Is he gonna be...?"

"Don't worry about it Madoka!" Junko calmed her, "Not like we did any SERIOUS damage." In the background, the door collapsed onto the destroyed place, "Drink?"

"I'll save it when I'm older mama, I had my share for the next few years." Madoka smiled, "Thanks for the advice."

"Anytime, Madoka, GHOUL!" Junko shot the window behind Madoka, "FOR VICTORY!"

"FOR VICTORY!"

Junko grabbed Madoka and Yuuta threw a grenade at no ine nd the world blew up around the house. How did her dad not hear that?! Junko set Madoka on a chair and it collapsed when she sat down and the pinkette rubbed her bum as the drunk duo continued to blow up stuff.

Madoka knew this was gonna be the longest of nights, especially now that she had to clean up...I mean she had to really clean up.

* * *

The next fucking day (these transitions are tiresome) and Sayaka was running around the hospital and opened a certain door of a boy whom all yuri fans wanted to hang and crucify at the same time.

"The hell?" Sayaka looked to see he wasn't on his bed anymore, in fact, the room looked like nobody was there. A nurse passed Sayaka (the fatass nurse).

"Oh, you must be looking for Kamijo-san, his rehab just finished. He was doing so well and when he left the hospital, he was ran over by a truck and lived! The boy is both blessed and curse." The nurse quipped, "He's not here anymore, sorry dear."

"I-I see..." Sayaka bowed down in respect, "Thank you Fatass-sama." Sayaka left leaving the nurse to look down in shame.

"Nobody loves me..." He said to himself in sadness.

* * *

Sayaka went towards the doorstep of the Kamijo residence (for a family who can afford so many hospital bills, he sure lives in a shitty home in a highway) and heard his violin. She smiled before turning around to see Kyoko staring at her eating fish biscuits (wait, weren't those called crackers the last chapter).

"So, you're just gonna go home? You just wasted a day going to a hospital and you don't care even if you're snatched by pedophiles." Kyoko bit her biscuit again, "Really a waste of time actually."

"You..." Sayaka clutched her fists.

"I know everything about the kid that lives here. How he sleeps, what porn he watches, stalking your enemies' friends are hard!" Kyoko coughed, "He's the damn reason you made a contract with Kyubey. You blew it Sayaka! You wasted one miracle on him!" Kyoko slapped her forehead.

"You'd never understand what I did!"

"You're the dumbass who doesn't understand." Kyoko replied, "Magic is used to fulfill your desires! Use it for someone else, it will end up bitting you in the asshole. Did Mami tell you that? Heard she was busy with a new job of BUTTBALL?"

Kyoko just realized what she just said, "Buttball? The fuck is buttball?" Kyoko dilated her eyes as Sayaka growled at her, "If you wanna et him in your bed so bad, I've got a better idea!" She ate the last but of her cracker, "Take the magic you got and-"

"Break all the bones in his body?" Yuuta suddenly showed up, "Hey guys, I'm the neutral party, don't kill me." Yuuta waved at them and they awkwardly waved back.

"Um...I've been meaning to asks, what did you two do the other day?" Sayaka looked at them both, "We never really touched on that."

"Oh, we had a couple of rounds." Sayaka nearly puked, "In the arcade, why does everyone misinterpret that? XMinerCobra!" Yuuta waved his fists into the air, "You mothasshole! This is like that Petal Carousal hentai!"

"Back to me?" Kyoko deadpanned.

"Oh yes, back to you." Yuuta answered.

"Just break his bones, make him helpless, then the boy will be yours!" Kyoko recommended, "His heart, his body. If you're too shy to do it then I'll break him for you! What are colleagues for? It'll be easy as killing a puppy with your bare hands."

"Great writing." Yuuta was suddenly in his Jontron outfit, "Wounderful."

"I'll...I'll never let you!" Sayaka exclaimed, "This time...I'll break you until every last bone is screaming!"

"Then why don't we go to somewhere more private! Don't wanna wake violin boy back there!" Kyoko smirked, "Am I right Yuuta?"

"Yup!" Yuuta clapped his hands, "Boutiful."

* * *

Madoka was back at home doing her English homework, you know, the subject every Japanese student hates? That one, "Why is English so hard?!" Madoka clutched her head, "Well, if the cat jumped over her dildo, I mean, diddle then-"

"Madoka! Madoka!" Kyubey came in by the window, "Sayaka is in trouble!"

"Is it Yuuta?" Madoka frowned, "Is he making her dive into worms?"

"No...Kyoko." Madoka stood up, "And why is the lower half of your house wasted beyond wasted?"

"Alright." The trio were on top of the highway on a bridge, "We go all out, no witnesses, just us." Kyoko announced and summoned her soul gem and transformed (oh gawd, Kyoko why are you naked for a second), Kyoko jumped down and aimed her spear at Sayaka.

"Woo! Kyoko! You go also Sayaka!" Yuuta cheered and Sayaka summoned her soul gem, that's when Madoka was running towards them.

"Sayaka-chan! Wait!" Madoka called out, Yuuta sighed, this will be awhile.

"This isn't any of your business Madoka, please stay with Yuuta while I finish her off." Sayaka told her.

"No! This isn't right!"

"My gawd, you two are annoying! If fucking princess over there doesn't move, I'll finish you both!" Kyoko threatened, Yuuta nodded.

"My kind of woman." He kept nodding while looking out for yuri fans.

"Is your friend making progressing?" Homura suddenly gave Yuuta and Kyoko a jumpscare, this made Kyoko turn to see the ravenette, "I told you not to lay a finger on Miki."

"I don't remember a damn thing you just said, you're too...involving!" Kyoko chastised, "Besides, she wants to kill me as much as I want to."

"Fine." Homura stepped up, "I'll fight alongside you then." Kyoko had a confused look on her face before it went back to normal.

"Alright, but after I'm done eating."

"MY WOMAN!" A yuri fan hit Yuuta with a blowpipe. Sayaka finally took enough shit.

"Enough! I'm right here and-" Sayaka was about to activate her soul gem but Madoka grabbed it.

"Sorry Sayaka-chaaaaaaan!" Madoka tossed the soul gem off and onto the road and Homura gasped and...teleported.

"Oh shit! This is where the story reeaaaallllly gets going!" Yuuta rubbed his hand together.

"Madoka! Why did you just do that?!" Sayaka asked in pure shock, "Why?!"

"Sayaka-chan! Where is Homura-chan~! I need her-" Sayaka collapsed in Madoka's arms, "S-Sayaka-chan?"

"You shouldn't have done that Madoka." Kyubey came up, "You'd met a terrible fate, haven't you? Why is the world would you throw away your friend of all things?"

"What..." Kyoko ran up to Madoka and grabbed Sayaka and lifted her into the air while Madoka begged her to stop. With Yuuta, he was taking notes.

"Alright, let me see...story, characters are done well. But my involvement needs to be more...involved." Yuuta frowned, "Eh. I'll be important later."

Kyoko widened her eyes as she felt Sayaka's neck, "THE FUCK?! She's dead!" Madoka's eyes darkened in horror. With Homura, she was busy running to get the soul gem.

"Sayaka-chan? Wake up Sayaka-chan?" Madoka begged as Sayaka laid on the floor, "W-What's happened to her? Come one! This can't be happening, Sayaka-chan!" Kyoko bit her lip, not having a clue of what just happened.

"The hell just happened?" She turned to Yuuta, "Do you know and where is the black haired chick?" Yuuta shrugged in a way that made sure Kyoko knew she won't get answers from him.

"You!" Kyoko turned to Kyubey, "The hell just happened to her?!"

"At best, you magical girls, or Puella Magi can only control your bodies in a hundred meter range." Kyubey answered,

"A hundred FUCKING meters?" Kyoko yelled, "The fuck is that supposed to mean?!"

"Most of you stay extreme close to 'it' so it doesn't happen THAT often." Kyubey explained, "Not my fault though."

"What just happened to her Kyubey, help her!" Madoka pleaded as she cried, she didn't know what was happening as Yuuta laughed.

"You guys are really dense? I solved the mystery the moment I made a contract!" Yuuta laughed in the background, "Sayaka was never in her body! Madoka just threw her away in a John Cena style way!"

With Homura, she was chasing the truck and grabbing onto the back. At the bridge, Kyubey and Yuuta were explaining.

"I mean, guys, it was obvious, did you REALLY think that a human, magical or no has the power to fight and get slapped around by it?!" Yuuta chuckled, "Kyubey you devious trickster."

"For magical girls, your 'body' is no more than a shell."

Back with Homura, she kneeled down and grabbed the soul gem from the back of the truck and looked at it.

"So Kyubey made a way to make humans use magic at the easiest of easies ways!" Yuuta declared, "He stuffed your souls into an item you never even bothered to separate from yourselves!"

"When you seal that contract to become a magical girl, my job is to tear your soul from your body and put it in a soul gem! Easy!" Kyoko and Madoka's eyes widened in horror and the realization. Kyoko went towards Kyubey in rage.

"You son of a cheap Sailor Moon clone!" Kyoko grabbed Kyubey and lifted him by the ears, "You turned us into zombies!"

"Zombies are cool!" Yuuta gave a thumbs up, "Even if a magical girl has her head blown off, even if she was burnt alive, even if she was fed a grenade, as long as your soul gem doesn't get destroyed in the explosion, it's okay! You'll be back before you can say 'WTF?'."

"Yes, it is much better than a weak a puny human form." Kyubey agreed, "It's the most efficient way to fight."

"That's awful!" Madoka disagreed, "It's really awful!"

"And so worth it!" Yuuta clapped his hands as Madoka cried.

"You girls all the same reaction when finding out, except Yuuta because he's a bastard." Kyubey looked dead in the eyes of Kyoko, "I don't get it, why do you humans get all emotional when you find out? Can't you guys be like Yuuta about it?" Yuuta was being haply in the background while Kyoko was enraged.

Homura came back and placed the soul gem back at Sayaka's hand. Homura stepped back a bit due to Madoka's obsession. Suddenly Sayaka woke up and everyone stared, "This is a nice ending." Yuuta commented.

"Eh?" Sayaka looked around to see nobody was trying to kill her, "The hell just happened?"

"Homura-chan~!" Madoka clutched onto the ravenette who creamed while trying to get her off.

"You're back to reality." Yuuta smirked as Madoka and Homura ran around.

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter- EPISODE I DON'T CARE

"I supposed that my presence is obstructing the main story." Yuuta conversed with the cactus, "I'm lonely."

* * *

 **QUICKEST WRITE I'VE DONE IN AWHILE. MY GAWD!**

 **I MEAN, REALLY?!**

 **STAY TUNED**!


	9. Make a Miracle!

Make a Miracle!

* * *

 **HEY GUYS! THIS IS XMINERCOBRA HERE TO TELL YOU THAT-**

 **Yuuta: HIDE!**

 **WHAT?!**

 **Yuri fans: He's in the bunker! Get him!**

 **OH CRAP! LOCK IT WITH THE DOOR!**

 **Yuuta: Arnold is still outside.**

 **From outside: I'll be back.**

 **OH CRAP, ARNOLD DITCHED US! Or he's being in a vat of molten stuff.**

 **Yuri fans: PUSH! He's trying to join a contest! Stop him!**

 **OH SHIT! STORY IS NOW BEFORE OH GAWDFNHFFNNXNDFNNDMDJMXJDDMJXMDNNDNNDMDMCMCMCMMMDMC. PLEASE REVIEW! MAH GAWD MY ARSE HURTS FROM WRITING THIS.**

* * *

Sayaka was busy being 'escorted' back to her apartment after the incident by Yuuta. They entered the apartment and Sayaka tossed her soul gem onto her desk as Kyubey looked at them, "You tricked us."

"All I did was ask you to make wishes and become magical girls." Kyubey replied, "I mean, sure I left a few 'important-ish' details out like how I ripped your soul from your body but..." Sayaka threw her chair onto the floor, "I guess you are pissed."

"Yup, she is." Yuuta muttered as Sayaka went to Kyubey and grabbed him.

"Why didn't you tell us?!" She demanded with rage.

"You never asked. As long as nothing was harmed, nothing evil or nefarious was done, you're okay." Kyubey said, "Honestly, the one of the few people who realized is next to you."

Yuuta waved in the background and Sayaka turned to him, "How long did you know? And why didn't you ever tell any of us?"

"My wish gave me knowledge, I didn't need to freak out because when you think hard, it is not very surprising." Yuuta shrugged in response, "Never told you because if I did, Mami would likely massacre all of you!"

"M-Mami-san wouldn't do that!"

"Of you don't even know the half of it." Yuuta retorted and Kyubey had his turn again to speak up.

"Anyway, does it manner? It wasn't like you had to use your souls for anything else but live. It's just a few neutrons, going down to the tip of your boobs. Even if you die, your spirit fades away. In order for you to prevent that from happening, I out your souls in soul gems to protect them! Makes fighting witches safer!" Kyubey walked around the room.

"Makes sense." Yuuta drank his Morning Rescue™, "Best plan, A++, five stars, nothing can backfire!"

"How are you okay with that?!" Sayaka yelled at him, "You aren't at least concerned about how your soul being ripped out from your body?"

"Well...magic is COOOOOOOL!" Yuuta declared and began fizzing out sparkles, "WHO CAN'T LOVE MAGIC!"

"Uh! Who gave you the right to do this?" Sayaka asked Kyubey who was busy staring.

"You humans are too dumb about fighting." Kyueby explained, "For example, think of the AGONIZING pain of having your eyes ripped out by an insane man." Kyubey hopped onto the desk and pressed his feet over Sayaka's soul gem, "Oops."

He pressed his foot at it and Sayaka clutched her eyes in pain, "Oh yeah, I forgot you can do that!" Yuuta remembered, "Can I try?" Sayaka was in too much pain to stop him, "If I press this..." Yuuta poked a different part of the soul gem, "It's like getting your heart ripped out!" Sayaka screamed as she grabbed her heart.

"Wait, if we press this...it's likebreak her spine!" Kyubey rubbed his ear on a part and Sayaka collapsed on the floor, "What else?"

"If I press the bottom, is it the equivalent of fingering?" Yuuta questioned Kyubey who shrugged, "Might as well try." Sayaka moaned, "Oh shit, better not make this M rated." Yuuta put it away, "The yuri fans nearly broke into my base once, not doing it again."

"See Sayaka? This is the truest of pain." Kyubey sat atop the soul gem as Sayaka writhed in pain, "The simplest blow to your soul and you might as well be destroyed. You were able to block out the worst of pain last time when you fought Kyoko."

"I call it PAIN transfer, you can't feel the pain even if you are bitch slapped a billion times." Yuuta explained, "Your soul is what translates the 'hurt'." Kyubey got off of the soul gem and Sayaka opened her eyes.

"Once you get used to it, you'll be able to black out all pain." Kyubey finished, "Of course, you also need training to train your reflexes as well."

"Why Kyubey? Why would you do this to us?" Sayaka asked in anger, "Why did you do this?"

"Hey, it isn't my fault, you all had a wish, right?" Kyubey defended himself, "They've been fulfilled and that's my end of the bargain." Sayaka wiped the tears in the corner of her eyes.

"Well, I'll use your bathroom, Sayaka!" Yuuta declared before waltzing in, "Going to the bathroom and making a miracle~" He skipped towards the bathroom.

* * *

Well school started and-HOLY FUCK, YUUTA'S DRIVING ON FIVE MILLION TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT-

Yuuta crashed into the classroom, making everyone hide behind their desks. The school had no fucking idea how to expel him because of all the damage but they decided to live with it.

"Oh, seems like you weren't tardy." Kazuko surmised, "STAND!" The students stood up, "Bow!" They all collapsed out of nervousness of Yuuta's presence. Madoka returned to her seat and rubbed her bum to see Sayaka was not here.

"Yuuta? Where's Sayaka-chan?" Yuuta winked at her as a response, he wasn't letting that slip. Madoka went OOC and threw a book at him.

She went turbo! STAHP!

* * *

Sayaka was under the sheets of her bed, staring at the object cradled in her hands, "I need to use my buttball." Sayaka went towards her buttball, "Hope I remember how to use this."

"Please reader, have a seat over here." Chris Hansen came out behind the reader, "C'mon, eat the damn cookies."

* * *

Back at school, Homura, Yuuta and Madoka were on the rooftop and Madoka was busy sitting on Homura's lap to the ravenette's embarrassment, "Homura-chan~"

"M-Madoka, please." Homura stuttered as Yuuta was busy being the farthest away from them, "Yuuta, help."

"Not my problem." He said.

"Homura-chan, Yuuta, you knew about Sayaka-chan?" Madoka asked whilst still rubbing on the girl, "Why didn't you say anything Homura-chan~, Yuuta I can understand but you~"

"Even if I told people, they would never believe me-" Madoka pecked Homura on the cheek, "HAAAAAAAAH~"

"You happy yuri fans?! HAPPY?!" Yuuta screamed at the group of yuri fans at the bottom of the school who all nodded with looks of hatred on Yuuta.

"Why would Kyubey do such horrible things to a cute girl like you~" Madoka kept kissing Homura on the cheek to Homura's chagrin.

"He doesn't believe they are good-MADOKA, STOP KISSING ME!" Homura shouted out and Madoka stopped, "Anyway, back to what was I saying, Kyubey had no concept of human value-"

"Homura-chan is bigger than me~" Madoka touched Homura's chest with her fingers and steam emitted from Homura's ears.

"This is interesting." Yuuta had a video recorder on.

"M-Madoka, not here!"

"If Sayaka-chan loves Kamijo-kun then I should have someone to love~" Madoka rubbed her skirted butt onto Homura's thighs.

"Oh lordy~" Homura groaned out, her secret fantasies being fulfilled.

"I am so gonna be arrested." Yuuta murmured, the video getting longer and longer.

"Oh yes Madoka, give up on Miki Sayaka, because-HOLY CRAP~" Madoka was busy bitting Homura's neck.

At this rate the M rating is coming faster than Homura's insides.

"Why do I feel?!" Homura yelled out loud, "I am not human anymore-" Homura's eye twitched when she saw Yuuta with a recorder, "YUUTA!"

"Send." Yuuta pressed the button and the universe stopped quietly. The only sound of universe made was Homura-chan~.

"YUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAA! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" Homura ran towards Yuuta and punched his face.

* * *

"How can I face Kyosuke with a body like this?" Sayaka asked, "My buttball ran out of batteries." She lamented and gloomed over until Kyubey came up.

"Geez, you're one of the mopiest girls I've seen in awhile." Kyubey spoke and Sayaka jumped out of bed and opened her curtains and saw Kyoko staring up at her on the street.

"Looks like you're in a fucked up situation." Kyoko bit her apple, "Let's talk."

* * *

The two travelled to the neighboring city of Kazamino, and would you know it, Sayaka still wore her uniform even though school ended a while ago.

"So, you okay? About your new body?" Sayaka shook her head, "Huh, a shame. I got used to it by now, Yuuta was right, it was easy to accept but you're a different case."

"Where is Yuuta?" Sayaka wondered, at this point he should have come out by now, "I mean, where is he?"

"No idea." Kyoko answered while tossing and catching her apple, "He's nice. Maybe I'll get him to buy me food if I see him again?"

"So, he's like your husband now?"

"What? No, no, no, no, no." Kyoko coughed a bit, "Anyway, I deserve what I got? Am I right?" Sayaka nodded, "Huh, you're a downer. Well unlike you, I survive with only myself to carry. Nothing else but food, really short panties and this hairdo."

"Really now?"

"I can take everything from anything." Kyoko turned to Sayaka, "Mami is crazy to not see that. Please don't tell her where are souls go, she's a bit coo-coo."

"Okay, I won't." They arrived at a church and Kyoko kicked the door down. This place looked old and abandoned and vandalized, caused likely by teenage vigilantes, homeless people, or fucking Yuuta, "Why did you bring me here?"

"We got a lot to talk about." Kyoko took out an apple and tossed it at Sayaka, "Want one?" Sayaka looked at the apple before dropping it at the floor in rejection,

Kyoko went apeshit.

"DON'T WASTE YOUR DAMN FOOD." She lifted her into the air, "YOU HEAR ME?!"

"How romantic." Yuuta suddenly showed up and Kyoko dropped Sayaka down.

"Holy shit..." Sayaka wheezed out, "You're stronger than you look."

"Hey Yuuta." Kyoko waved, "Sayaka, Yuuta, welcome to my dad's church." Sayaka frowned, this girl had a priest for a father? Kyoko was basically anti-Jesus by this point.

"Cute." Yuuta looked at the yuri fans, "AS A COMPLIMENT." A rock was thrown at his face, "Do you guys have anything better to do than stalk me?!"

"My dad was the kindest person you can meet. Everyday when he read the newspaper, he would cry like the saddest bitch there was."

"Your dad had issues." Yuuta shrugged.

"As I was saying, my dad believed that we needed a new faith for a new era. His sermons stayed behind the dogma of normal preaching. By the time his visitors began disappearing until he was excommunicated." Kyoko picked up the apple on the floor, "Nobody would listen to him. They all saw us as a weird cult."

"Just to remind you Sayaka, we do age even if our souls are ripped out of our bodies." Yuuta reminded, "Look at Kyoko, she's not flat chested."

"Okay, as I was saying until-" Kyoko looked down, "Hmm. It was smaller the last time I remembered. Society made him an outcast and my family was hungry and well...poor! I kept wondering and praying to God, asking why because he didn't do anything wrong! It's fucked up!"

"And?" Yuuta had an apple boomeranged to his face and the apple returned to Kyoko.

"Well, if the people just lent their ears, they would have understood he was right! But noooooo! Nobody listened! I wanted to mutilate their corpses and see their eyes cut from there-"

"Woah, too far Kyoko." Yuuta stopped her and pat her bath, "Take deep breath." Kyoko took a deep breath, "Now continue."

"Well I couldn't stand nobody could listen. I asked Kyubey to make the, listen to my dad." Sayaka just realized why Kyoko was hating on her ideals, "The next day, more followers arrived. The next day and the next day, some Japanese Christians entered our church?! Japanese ones for Christ's sake! Then I began killing witch's with Mami!"

Sayaka blinked, this girl knew Mami?

"Now I began killing witches for my dad's sake and I though I was doing so good! That we can make a happily ever after!" She bit her apple, "But then he found out. When he learned his followers' faiths were made by magic, he went crazy. Called me damn witch from hell. The irony is real!"

"Where is the yuri? C'mon!" A yuri fan yelled in the background.

"Dad went apeshit, slit the throats of my sister and mom them hanged himself latter. Of course, I lived, I guess because he didn't kill my soul gem." Kyoko threw the apple core onto the floor, "My wish devoured and ripped my family apart. I made a wish that I didn't think about much and looked where it got me."

"So that's why..." Sayaka finally knew why she was like this.

"That's why use magic to help yourself. Otherwise people will suffer if you try using it on them" Kyoko turned to Sayaka, "Hopefully you now know why you gotta be like me."

"Boutiful." Yuuta held a sign with a 10 written on it, "As good as Xenoblade Chronicles X and Fallout 4."

"Why are you telling me this?" Sayaka asked silently.

"You need an open mind about things Sayaka. It isn't only about preserving the life of others but also about living for your own sake." Kyoko told her, "You really need to go out more." Yuri fans were going apeshit right now.

"I don't get it. You talk about all this living for my own sake but here you are, worrying about me." Kyoko blinked. The yuri fans wanted to grab them and make them kiss.

"Well, you made the same mistakes I made at the beginning, how my wish backfired haaaard." Kyoko hummed to herself and took out another apple, "You don't need to be a hero. You will regret it later. You've been through enough and there is still a chance to turn your life around."

"Like you..."

"Yeah, I know what I'm doing and I can't see someone go through the same thing."

"Guess I misunderstood you. I'm sorry, I apologize." The yuri fans went even more apeshit, "But I don't regret what I made my wish for, I won't treat it for granted."

"The fuck? Why do you still think that?" Kyoko's eye twitched at the response.

"I don't think I suffered enough. Yet." Sayaka stared at Kyoko in the eyes, "This power allows me to do amazing things, where did you get that apple? Did you buy it?" Kyoko flashback as as she swam in a dumpster, "Can't tell me, can't you? I can't eat that apple because god knows only where it came from."

"Dumbass! We're magical..." She eyed Yuuta, "People! We don't rely on anybody but ourselves!"

"Well then, I'll continue fighting for the people I love." Sayaka rubbed where her soul gem was, "If you want to stop me later, I won't lose." Sayaka was stopped by Yuuta from leaving.

"Wait a minute Sayaka, I'm stopping you but-!" Yuuta flipped her the other direction and pushed her towards Kyoko. The two didn't even react until their lips pressed against each other.

"YEEEEEEES! YEEEEEES!" The yuri fans screamed in happiness. Sayaka and Kyoko let go the instant Yuuta forced them to stop kissing. How long was the kiss? Exactly 30.7 seconds. They stared in shock and a bit of horror what he just did.

"Wanna punch him?" Kyoko turned to Sayaka who nodded in agreement.

"Now ladies, don't-" Yuuta had two fists in both eyes, "Okay. Both of you need to go to the bathroom but what can I say? Tensions were high."

* * *

Time to make another cheap reviewer luring.

Hello, I'm XMinerCobra, if you are reading this, we are very grateful for you reading this fic. But I would like to make a special TV offer. At this time, you can own the Dennis the Menace Buttball Plate collection only from this special TV offer. If you review, you can also get a Buttball for only one review.

This offer will...cease to exists once Yuuta leaves his bunker.

* * *

At another peaceful transition to the next day, Sayaka and Yuuta walked towards school as Sayaka kelt punching Yuuta, "It's been a day."

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." She kept on punching. The moment Yuuta heard footsteps, he dove into the bushes as Madoka and Hitomi ran towards the bluenette.

"Sayaka-chan! Hello!" Sayaka looked up, "Good morning Sayaka-chan!"

"Yes, good morning Sayaka-san." Hitomi quipped and Sayaka rubbed her head.

"Well then, good morning to you also!" She greeted back in the most sheepish manner there is, "Welp, time to go!" Sayaka grabbed the two as Yuuta peeped out of the bush.

"Homura!" Homura came in and stared at Yuuta in the bush, "Seems like your goodly nefarious plan is working?"

"I supposed it is." Homura stated, "What are you doing in a bush for?"

"Sayaka beat me up because I made her make out with Kyoko." Homura frowned, "The yuri fans got off my back for awhile, that's for sure. Also do you notice how tiny Madoka is? It's ridiculous."

"Tiny Madoka?" Homura squeezed her hands together, "This tiny?"

"Yes and-" Yuuta was punched in the face, "Stop that!" He was punched in the face again, "Every time-" Punch, "Every goddamn-" Punch, "OH HAWD!" Homura snickered to herself as she got revenge.

* * *

"Did something happen yesterday? You weren't at school." Hitomi asked in concern but Sayaka blew a raspberry.

"Ah, it's nothing. Just felt a bit sick, didn't want people catching EBOLA." She answered all while keeping a laugh.

"Sayaka-chan..."

"Don't worry about it." Sayaka telepathically spoke to the pinkette, "I'm fine now." Madoka smiled in relief.

"Alright, let's-" Sayaka paused when she saw Kyosuke with crutches wobbling his way to school.

"Kamijo-kun was released?" Hitomi says in curiosity, "I thought his recovery would be a lot slower." Sayaka stared at Kyosuke, then rat came out of nowhere and bit his ass.

"OH GAWD!" Kyosuke kicked the rat into the river.

"C'mon SHAFT animators! Do your job!" Yuuta screamed at bush, "It's not even moving!" He kicked it repeatedly again and again.

* * *

Back at school, everyone was busy with their free time doing whatever. A certain violinists was busy being on a chair, "Are you all healed up now, Kamijo?" Nakazawa asked him.

"Yeah. Being cooped up in my house to prevent me from being run over won't do my rehab any good." Nakazawa gave a puzzled look, "Trust me, the less you know the better. They're trying to get me not to walk without crutches by next week."

"I'm so happy for Kamijo-kun." Madoka said to Sayaka who nodded quietly, "Sayaka-chan, you haven't even talked to him yet. Go say something while I look for Homura-chan!" Madoka placed her hand at Sayaka's shoulder, Hitomi was busy having a WTF face when Madoka mentioned Homura.

"N-Nah, I'm fine." Sayaka replied and OH GAWD! YUUTA-

"I'M BACK BITCHES! YUUTA: THE FURY ROAD IS HERE TO WHIP YOUR ASSHOLE!"

Yuuta suddenly came in with a monster truck in class and ran over Kyosuke, "ALRIGHT! WHAT DID I MISS?!" Everyone stared at him in shock, "THE FUCK YOU GUYS LOOKING AT?"

* * *

Later that day, Sayaka and Hitomi were busy eating some wieners with poop water on the side at the mall. They gave each other dead stares (this fic should be renamed SAYAKA at this point).

"Buttball!" Mami was in the back teaching lids the art of buttball (NEVER TELL YOU PARENTS). Suddenly she threw herself put of the window with said buttball.

"So...um...what did you want to talk about?" Sayaka questioned Hitomi.

"Love. Making love. Falling in love. All about love." Sayaka perked up upon hearing that, "I've been keeping a secret from you and Madoka-san."

"Uh?" Sayaka remembered how Yuuta forced her and Kyoko...shit.

"I've...always wanted to bang Kamijo Kyosuke, oh wait, been FOND of Kamijo Kyosuke."

Sayaka gasped as Yuuta hovered over her, "Spooky."

"So...really? Why Hitomi, I didn't think you were THAT naughty!" Sayaka put her hands over her head, "And that Kyosuke, such a ladykiller!"

"You're his childhood friend, aren't you?"

"Supposed I am, I'm always stuck to him." Sayaka lamented.

"Is it really that?" Sayaka bit her lip, "I've made up my mind, I'm not going to lie to myself anymore and it won't be like forbidden love! How about you? Can you face your true feelings?"

"What...what are you talking about?

"You exactly know what she's talking about." Yuuta whispered to her, "I'm invisible, play along."

"You're my dear friend, so I don't wanna steal your sexy man." Hitomi told her, "You've had your eyes longer on Kamijo-kun then I have. So you have the right to preempt me."

"Hitomi..."

"How the fuck do you guys talk like thirty year old British people." Yuuta spoke silently, "I mean, Japanese talking is equal to talking like your in the Fault in our Stars. At this right you'll be like 'You committed a great injustice'!"

"Tomorrow, I'll confess my love for Kamijo-kun." Hitomi closed her eyes, "I'll wait a day and make sure you have no regrets when you confess. IF you confess."

"This is boring." Yuuta snored.

"Hitomi..." The green haired girl got out of her chair, bowed and left leaving Sayaka to ponder what she just said.

"I'm here!" Yuuta stopped being invisible, "If you fail at confessing, there is always plan B!" He held picture of Kyoko much to Sayaka's chagrin.

* * *

Homura stared the clock at her home, it was strange because ow that Yuuta just somehow fucked up her life in a few days which is way shorter than a few years' worth of time looping.

"Uh..." Homura ate her Chef Tony's™ while she was watching Marley and Me, "Huh, what do they mean when they gotta put Marley to sleep-no. NO. MARLEY, DON'T!" Homura was crying her eyes out, "PLEASE DON'T!" They brought her to the vet, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS AMERICANS! THIS WAS A HAPPY MOVIE!"

"Homura, what-" Yuuta paused when he saw Marley and Me, "NO! DON'T INSERT THAT NEEDLE!" Yuuta sat next to her as the two blubbered tears.

"OH MY GAWD!" Homura was a mess when she saw Marley close her eyes, Yuuta wasn't faring that better, "WHYYYYY!?" Homura cried like a bitch while Yuuta and her hugged.

Sheesh. Marley and Me makes people huuuuuuuurrt.

* * *

Back at Sayaka's apartment, the moon shined over the building as Sayaka and Kyubey walked through inside said building. They got out of it and Sayaka looked to her left and saw Madoka and Yuuta.

"Sorry." Yuuta was wiping tears off his eyes, "Marley and Me feels hurt!" He burst into tears yet again. Madoka patted him on the back.

"I'm busy comforting him." Madoka kept comforting him, "He watched a movie and...mind if we tag along? We don't want you to feel lonely."

Sayaka began shaking.

"Hey! Only I have a reason to cry!" Yuuta scolded, "The fuck re you crying?"

"Why? Why are you two so kind to me?" Sayaka cried, "I'm not worth it."

"Don't say that..."

"I had a regret today." Sayaka admitted, "Just for a moment, I thought if I haven't save Hitomi, I'm not worth being an ally of justice! I can't look at Mami-san with a face like this!" At this point, Sayaka had tears streaming down her eyes. Madoka grabbed Sayaka and hugged her.

"What about me?!" Yuuta shouted in the background, "This feels like a Spanish teen drama!"

"H-Hitomi's taking Kamijo-kun away from me!" Sayaka kept on bitching, "I can't do anything about it! I'm dead! I'm a walking corpse!"

"I'm...still here." Yuuta moaned out, "Watching Marley and Me is worse!"

"I can never embrace him like this!"

"Oh fuck." Yuuta slapped his head.

"I can never tell him I love him!"

"This will take foreeeeeever." Yuuta noted Sayaka's mouth wasn't even in synch whole crying, "SHHAAAAAAFT!" He cursed at the heavens. Madoka let go of Sayaka who wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Sorry, thanks for that Madoka." Sayaka thanked, "I needed that."

"Sayaka-chan..."

"I'm okay now, needed to blow off some steam." Sayaka smiled at them, "Alright, let's go hunt us some witches!"

"Yes, do it!" Kyubey supported.

"Oh boy..." Yuuta mused quietly.

* * *

Kyoko bit her apple as she waited in the oiling section of the city. Homura dropped down and looked at Kyoko, "I wasn't expecting you to-OOOOOH GAWD!" Homura burst out crying to Kyoko's confusion, "Marley and Me, just Marley and Me." She stated.

"Um...Sayaka's fighting a witch today, not a familiar." Kyoko tilted her head, "It's gonna drop and grief seed."

"Why did you back off then?"

"Uh..." Kyoko stared at the puddle where the barrier was, "Shit, she's fucking it up again."

* * *

In the barrier Sayaka was busy slicing and dicing familiars and the witch in her not so sexually stripper outfit. She huffed a bit as snake familiars lunged at her and she sliced them.

"She's doing well." Yuuta patted Madoka's back, "I'm not helping her because of your presence." They watched as Sayaka kept slicing until she was surrounded and forced to jump. She kicked...some magical Weiss shit and charged at the witch but it grew a tree on its back and pushed Sayaka away.

"S-Sayaka-chan!" Madoka called out in worry but Kyoko saved her ass by slicing her out of the tree. The redhead landed beside them.

"Gee, you're such a mess when it comes to fighting." Kyoko grit her teeth, "Hey Yuuta, what's with Homura crying?"

"Good reasons." Yuuta replied, shrugging as he did so.

"Well. Seems like Sayaka's out of shape!" She twirled her lance, "Well I fucking gotta-HEY." Sayaka ran towards the witch before Kyoko could even react.

"Stay out of my way. I'm doing this myself." Sayaka warned her with determination in her tone. She sliced the witch's head off but the snake familiars pummeled her down. Kyoko went to Sayaka's side but she widened her eyes when she heard the bluenette laughing.

"What the fuck are you-" More snake familiars came out of the witch who still survived but Sayaka kept slicing them until she reached the witch and began beating it with her blade.

"YUUTA WAS RIGHT! I DON'T NEED TO CARE ANYMORE!" She screamed maniacally as she kept slashing it as blood ran down her face, "tHīS fEEłS amAZïNG!" More snake familiars grabbed her but she kelt on slashing.

"P-Please...stop." Madoka pleaded until Yuuta smiled.

"That sounds fun!" Yuuta went towards the witch and helped kick it as Sayaka slashed it, "Woo! Best moments of my life!"

Kyoko didn't even have an expression to give.

* * *

Yuuta's Bunker- EPISODE SEAL THE ROOM.

"HELP!" Yuuta pleaded to the audience as he and the author pressed on the door from the yuri fans, "REVIEW OR ELSE WE'LL DIE!

"Don't help us kill these bastards!" The yuri fans demanded s XMinerCobra and Yuuta screamed.

* * *

 **OKAY! GOT AN OFFER TO JOIN A CONTEST BUT I CANNOT CHOOSE. SORRY BUT IT MAY BE TOO COMPLICATED FOR ME TO HANDLE.**

 **Yuri fans: He's still in the bunker!"**

 **OH FUCK!**

 **STAY TUNED-HOLY SHIT.**


	10. The Sayaka Revelation

The Sayaka Revelation

* * *

 **Yuuta: Seems like we stopped the yuri fans this time.**

 **Seems so.**

 **Yuuta: Do you also realize this fic is now focused on Sayaka more than anyone?**

 **That's how the anime went.**

 **Yuuta: So you're rehashing the anime?**

 **What? No! You're here to fuck people up!**

 **Yuuta: Alright then. Then STORY IS NOW!**

 **Hey, I say that. Also nobody reviews this fic any more. My viewership count is 666. Always after I think my fic is gonna be popular, the reviews stop coming! Like God decided to hate me because I dedicate my time to this!**

 **Yuuta: Alright. No wonder you changed the summary quite a bit.**

 **STORY IS NOW!**

 **Yuuta: Nah, that's shitty. Hey look, our first review in awhile!**

 **Okay then...how about...**

 **NOW IS STORY!**

* * *

Sayaka and Yuuta were beating the shit out of the witch. Kyoko and Madoka just watching in sheer befuddlement, mainly at Yuuta who was busy kicking at such a inappropriate moment as the person next to him was beating the fuck out of the witch.

"Is he always like that?" Kyoko questioned Madoka who nodded, "Oh what have I got myself into?" They watched them repeatedly kick/mutilate it until the world began shattering around them.

"Ah." Sayaka stood up after her horrible disturbing witch slicing session, "Well Yuuta, I seem to have learned so much from you." She says as the world distorted into reality, "That was a great stress reliever!"

"I know!" The two hi-fived each other, "Causing pain to beings is amazing!"

please don't sue me

They were standing where the witch was supposed to be and Sayaka picked the soul gem off the ground. She twisted her head and threw it at Kyoko who caught it with no effort, "Here you go! You're after that?"

"Hey...you okay?" Kyoko asked the bluenette, "I mean, not I'm gonna take you to a hospital okay. I mean, we're not in a relationship, because we never even...kissed." Kyoko frowned before slapping herself, "What's wrong with me?"

"Well, you need to find out yourself." Sayaka clapped her hands spick and spiffy, "I don't need favors. We're even." Sayaka told the redhead as Sayaka went towards Madoka, "Let's go!"

"Sayaka-chan..." Sayaka got out of her not so sexually stripper form and plopped onto her feet at the floor. She nearly tripped until she was grabbed by Madoka.

"Sorry...might need to get used to transforming back. I seem to be worn out..." She nearly plopped head first onto the floor until Madoka stopped her.

"I'll carry you." Says Madoka sternly, "Don't push it." The two began walking away as Kyoko gripped her new grief seed.

"Dummy..."

"Seems like someone is going tsundere for her!" Yuuta happily cheered, "You seem to going through the stages of pure love! The best kind of love!" He was stabbed in the gut, "Ow."

"As long as I didn't kill your soul gem, you're alive." Kyoko stated, "Where the fuck is your soul gem anyway?"

"I keep it around with me all the time? In a parallel universe that seems to follow me!" He chuckled, "Nothing can touch it and I'm always close to it."

"Huh." Kyoko muttered, "You're the safest..."

"Fuck yeah I am!" He summoned a spaceship, "TO STAR WARS! A FORCE AWAKENS IN US ALL!"

"Didn't that movie release nearly a decade ago?" Kyoko pointed out, "Kinda pointless since we watch cowboys in space."

"In my perspective, the movie is still not released." Yuuta corrected her and flew away leaving her confused before grinning.

"Bastard...well, he's cute anyhow." Kyoko shrugged but she didn't notice an army of yuri fans were busy being angry.

"We must turn this place into Fallout." One recommended, "Get ready for the Vaults!"

* * *

It was raining now, droplets of water pouring over the city. Madoka and Sayaka were in benches to cover themselves from the rain. It was silent, "Sayaka-chan..." Madoka had a dark look in her eyes, "Fighting like that is scaaaaaaay."

Yup, I ruined something serious yet again. I'm failing at school to finish this fic guys, at least leave one review.

"Madoka!" Sayaka looked at the girl, "I am good at fighting! Hitting enemies is good for me!" She defended herself, "Christ."

"But then the kicking!" She reminded, "I heard Yuuta-kun kick it like a pussy!"

Sayaka had the most unsure look on her face since ever, "Um, Madoka, you alright?"

"I am Sayaka-chan! Oh wait." Madoka slapped her, "There! Are you now not a sadistic psychopath."

"I think Yuuta is a bad influence on you." Sayaka rubbed her cheek, Ow."

"What? I can't hear you from your BITCHASS!" Madoka slapped her again.

"S-Stop that-!" Slap, "Ow-" Slap, "Hey-!" Slap, "ALRIGHT!" She grabbed Madoka's hands, "Okay. Payback."

She punched Madoka in the face, "Sayaka-chan, ow!" Madoka rubbed her nose, "That hurt!"

"Well at least you didn't hurt my soul gem." Sayaka took it out, "I still have this body made for complete emptiness, that's for sure. Do not worry, I was built to kill witches, that's why it isn't scaaaaaaaary."

"I need you to be happy!" Madoka declared hotly, "My pink twin tails can't handle this depression!"

"Then be a magical girl." Sayaka said to,her, "Kyubey told me you have so,much potential as a magical girl. Yuuta as technically fingered me at the same time I think, so yeah.

"WHAT?"

"You can feel like what my life is really like if you make a contract." Sayaka offered, "You likely aren't gonna do that." Sayaka opened the door, "You aren't gonna throw away your humanity for sympathy? Correct?"

"Sympathy?"

"I'm going apeshit because I can do everything but I'm still not doing anything.' Sayaka gave the more nightmarish glare of all time, "Don't fuck around with me while I'm busy fighting for my life!" Sayaka walked away into the rain, not caring anymore.

"Sayaka-chan!" Madoka called out, "If you see Homura-chan, give her my number!"

"Stay away from me, you naughty girl." Sayaka ran, leaving Madoka to stare while it rained on her.

"Supposed you fucked up." Deadpool rubbed her head, "Well, time to go back in the joke box of XMinerCobra, AMIRIGHT?"

"I'm a total dumbass! Why did I say all that shit to her! Sure she was being an asshole but still?" Sayaka cried out as she ran, "I'm completely hopeless." Meanwhile, her grief seed was darkening.

* * *

Back at the Homura residence, which was not a giant fucked up clock, the three consisting of Yuuta, Kyoko, Homura were being weeping and eating Chef Tony's™ and drinking Morning Rescue™ after they watched Marley and Me again.

"The fuck? Why did you put him to sleep?" Kyoko cried onto Yuuta's shoulder, "Marley! Don't your try burying her you American fucktards!" Kyoko collapsed as Homura was being a fetal position on the couch.

"My gawd..." Yuuta murmured as he tried wiping the never ending tears off his face, "One of the few things to be on Clannad level of feels."

"Clannad?" Homura frowned, "I have never watched that anime yet."

"Me neither." Kyoko perked up, the three finally stopped crying until Yuuta raised a finger.

"We're watching it right now."

"Okay, let us see." Homura, Kyoko and Yuuta huddled with each other as Yuuta booted the dvd.

"Huh." Homura says as the first season ends, "I heard this show gave many people what it seems to be tearjerkers. I am aware some moments are sad but I'm not weeping." She frowned, "The hell Yuuta?"

"I was sad but not depressed as it was. The Dango song feels fucking depressing through." Kyoko stated, "Where's the After Story?"

"Just you watch." Yuuta bit his lip and pressed the play button.

* * *

Clannad After Story- Episode 16

"N-Nagisa!" Kyoko cried, wiping the tears, "This is worse than Marley! And Marley was cuter."

"Is this the tearjerker?" Homura wiped the tears off her face, "I still don't think it beat Pixar and Marley and Me. Sakura stop crying!"

"I can't!"

"Uh, Yuuta, you too." Yuuta struggled to recover, "Get over it!"

"Next episode." Yuuta clicked the button.

* * *

Clannad After Story- Episode 18

"I WAS SO WRONG TWO EPISODES AGO!" Homura was busy weeping, the most emotionally wrecked of the trio, "FUCK!"

"I can't stop..." The redhead was weeping too much for her good.

"Me neither..." Yuuta wasn't doing much better. The episode was the feels of the century. Now for some reason, this anime turned into their favorite anime ever. Screw Misty and Anime America.

* * *

Clannad After Story- Episode 21

"SHIT!" Kyoko was enraged, "USHIO ALSO?! WHYYYYY?!" One thing Anime America got right is rage for Ushio's death...but for different reasons.

"Sakura! Hug me!" Homura cried and turned to Yuuta, "Hug me!"

"Fuck no." He wiped tears off his eyes, "I am not getting the yuri fans on my back." They hugged him, "Oh shit." The yuri fans were outside.

* * *

Clannad After Story- Episode 22

"Yes!" Kyoko cheered, "FUCK YES!" She slapped her knee in happiness, "VICTORY BITCHES!"

"Yes, a satisfying ending." Homura sighed in relief, "It ends well."

"Uh." Yuuta came back, he was bruised due to yuri fans, "Uh! Pissing off an entire few MILLION people." He collapsed, "Walpurgisnacht is coming." They were still cheering, "I'll wait it out."

* * *

"So..." Kyoko started, "Walpurgisnacht is coming in a few days?" Kyoko asked them, they nodded.

"Biggest witch/bitch ever? Yup!" Yuuta smiled, "My gawd, annoying it is."

"And how the hell do you know it is coming?" Kyoko questioned Homura, "I know you might know why, Yuuta's a nutcase."

"Hey!"

"I would like to know also." Kyubey spoke up and everyone jumped back.

"You have a lot of trouble going in front of my view, piece of shit." Kyoko aimed her spear and Kyubey, "Why the fuck are you here?"

"Well, if this Homura keeps secrets from me, baaaaad things happen." Kyubey looked at Homura dead in the eye, "That's bad. Be careful."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Ask her, not me." Yuuta pointed at Homura who was silent.

"Get out of my face Kyubey." Homura warned, "If you don't want lead in your body." Kyubey nodded and walked away unto the shadows. Kyoko made her spear vanish and looked to the two.

"What do you mean by 'unfortunate'? Looks awfully bad if he's here to tell us."

"Nothing." Yuuta quipped, "My gawd this chapter is shoooooort."

* * *

Back at school, Kazuko was teaching them her favorite ship of all time, Tweek X Craig.

"This is yaoi children." She held some fanart, "Many if you know this forbidden love many fourteen year old girls fap to but this is the best one to fap to."

"Oh my gawd..." Madoka scratched her head, "I thought we took education the most seriously!"

"Don't worry, Madoka-san." Hitomi comforted, "We have fancy uniforms that cling to out skin like spiders!"

"Oh yeah." Madoka noticed how clingy the uniform was to the point her hips were measure, "Luckily I'm wearing a bra."

"YUUTA CENSORS!" Yuuta came in and crushed Kyosuke with a giant black bar, "BOOYA!"

"Why is it always me?!" Kyosuke screamed under it.

* * *

After school, Kyosuke in crutches was being escorted home after nearly being crushed to death by the biggest blackest thing that isn't a dick, "Shizuki-san, is this where you live? This is the first time I see you go this way."

"Well to be honest, this is entirely off road."

"Then what did you bring me for?"

"Kamijo-kun." Hitomi turned to him, "I wanna talk about-'

"GET HIM!" The yuri fan mob ran up to the violinist and began beating the shit out of him. Hitomi was frozen and couldn't do anything.

"Do not worry young woman! We are stopping the impure!" The yuri fans finished their beating off while strapping Kyosuke to a rocket and blowing him to the sun, "There we go!" Hitomi was left speechless, "Do not worry! We have stopped him!"

"W-What? W-Why-"

"Not now. He may still live if he plummets downward." Yuri fans had some needles strung about, "There. That should hurt him more. We have issues elsewhere, HUZZAH!"

"HUZZAH!" The yuri fans flew away, leaving a mortified Hitomi in the sidewalk.

"WHAT THE FUCK-"

* * *

At Sayaka's apartment (as a boy named Kamijo Kyosuke plummeted down to the ground to meet needles), Madoka talked to the lady at the other line of the apartment, "So she isn't here...I see...alright." She cut the line and sighed, feeling as if her friend isn't even herself anymore, "Sayaka-chan...I need to find you."

Madoka ran for it and they heard someone screaming, "RUN FORREST, RUN!" She ran faster, feeling inspired. She looked at the sky is hope but frowned when she saw a shooting star.

"I-Isn't that...Kamijo-kun?"

"You okay, Kamijo-kun?" Hitomi wiped the dust off of the boy, "You alright?"

"Who knew the sun was so...hot." They laughed (WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT JOKE ABOUT) as Sayaka hid before bursting into laugher upon how awkward that sounded. She suddenly laughed so hard she became depressed.

* * *

Sayaka decided to kill her time by slashing some familiars. Every slash made her gasp in anger and after one last slash, she was barely standing as she had her sword to support her.

"Helloooo blue!" Sayaka turned to see Yuuta was there, "Hello, Homura was supposed to be her but..." He trailed off, "I'm here!"

"Can't you see I'M BUSY?! HMMMMMMMM!" Sayaka was busy slashing the ground while Yuuta gave a perplexed look.

"Um...you are aware you can do a lot more if you aren't that depressing?"

"I am not depressing!"

"I have never seen you with clothes besides your magical stripper outfit or your school uniform. Have you heard of shopping?" Yuuta asked, "Well, there's all the fanservice drawings Ume made." Yuuta turned red, "I still remember yours."

"Say what?"

"N-Nothing. Anyway, here." He tossed a grief seed at her, "Homura wanted to give you this." Sayaka looked at the plastic bag and picked it up, she looked inside.

"A dildo?"

"Whoops, she mixed up her bag there." He took a grief seed out, "Here you go!" She caught it and glared at him, "Oooooh! A death stare! C'mon! Staring contest-"

"ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!" Sayaka went JoJo on him and began punching him repeatedly.

"OH FUCK!" Yuuta screamed as his insides were pulverized and Sayaka pulverized him. What was left was a bloody mess, "Halp...me! How did you learn that?!"

"I watched the show, grew a beard." She stated, "You can't see it but it is there."

"Are you hallucinating it due to your depression?"

"Nah! No I ain't-" Kyoko suddenly came out of nowhere and headlocked Yuuta to submission.

"Where is my damn grief seeds?" She demanded, "Talk!" The redhead was busy strangling the poor boy.

"You...really small boobs...are on my head." He gasped for breath. Kyoko didn't dare to let that throw her off even though how true it was, "Oh gawd!"

"I think I gotta ditch this awkward moment." Sayaka ran away as Yuuta took out a flashbang.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" He threw it at the ground and the flash engulfed the area. Kyoko looked around to see Yuuta missing and he left a condom in his place.

"OH SHIT!" She kicked the ground in frustration.

* * *

Later, Sayaka was in a train, she was quiet until she heard two people talking, "I love He-Man! He is so muscular!"

"No, Lion-O is better!

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"If you faggots don't stop talking about who is your favorite eighties cartoon character, I will dice you until your pussies scream." Sayaka threatened the two men, "Are you gonna fucking keep on talking?"

"Yup, blue girl! He-Man is so hot!"

"Is not! Lion-O is my furry husbando!"

Sayaka turned into her not so sexual stripper outfit and charged at them.

"Oh gawd! You need a better fashion sense!"

"Oh yeah, totally-" The Lion-O man was stabbed, "OH GAWD!"

"By the power of gaystar-" The other man was stabbed also.

* * *

"Hmm." Yuuta and Kyoko were busy eating some food in a bench, "So, the fuck do you want?"

"Oh, nothing." Yuuta replied, "Dango." Kyoko collpased, crying.

"The fuck man?! Don't remind me!" She angrily shouted, "Shit...fuck." Se facepalmed, "Uh...it gave me too much feels."

"Don't feel bad!" He kissed her forehead, "Better?"

"Better." She pouted and rubbed her forehead, the yuri fans grabbed Yuuta and threw him onto a missile.

"WHAT THE FUCK-" Kyoko couldn't even finish her sentence as Yuuta yelled mother as he flew into the air and exploded. North Korea would be so proud right now.

"We shall continue purifying our lesbian love!" A yuri fan representative came and gave a million KyoSaya hentais, "All of the guide to making pure love is here." Kyoko had her mouth gaped, "We are off now to stop more boyish evils!"

"HUZZAH!" They ran away as Yuuta plopped back to the ground, twitching.

* * *

Here is some ship names for Yuuta because he wants revenge against the yuri fan master race.

YuuMami-eh.

MadoYuu-makes me queasy.

HomuYuu-alright, that's cute.

KyoYuu-my favorite.

SayaYuu-tsundere Sayaka?

Pls dn't kll me. I blame WatchMojo for this.

* * *

Somewhere by a fountain, Madoka waited until sue saw Kyubey come in with a look of pure satisfaction in his eyes, "I supposed you are blaming me fir this mess?"

"It won't matter because it won't bring Sayaka back here!" Madoka exclaimed, "So, about my potential...is it true I can be an amazing magical girl?"

"If 'amazing' is going to a football game, watching it burn by aliens and Saitama punching the ever living shit out of it, then yes, it is amazing." Kyubey told her, "You would likely go beyond amazing. You can choose any wish just for one small thing, why is that so hard to do?"

"B-But my soul..."

"It's not like you lost it forever. In fact, I more or less IMPROVED your life along with getting a wish, why is that so bad? Is it because of these Disney movies? The Sixth Sense? No matter. The point is this; you'll be badass."

"Badass?"

"Your potential is so huge! I could write a book about how huge it is! And hey, maybe you can make a wish that can save Sayaka." Kyubey pointed out, "It was kinda obvious you could ask that from the start, right?"

"Oh yeah." Madoka parroted, she stood up, from the bench and looked Kyubey straight in the eye, "I wish for-"

"Not today you white dipshit!" Homura loaded several rounds into Kyubey, "Take that mothermucker!"

"H-Homura-chan~! You are here to guide meeee~" Madoka clung onto the girl and Homura was busy with the most WTF face of all time.

"Yuuta!" She fisted into the air, "You have insulted myself for the last time!"

"Homura-chan~"

"Huh, she wouldn't be reasoned anytime soon." A new Kyubey finished eating its old body, "I supposed you want to remove her?"

"I'll just bring her to Tomoe's house-" Homura squealed in sudden delight, "M-Madoka! Stop biting me!"

"You taste so good~"

"Hopefully Yuuta left some antidote back at home." Homura was busy dragging Madoka by her feet. Kyubey smirked to himself before walking away.

* * *

"Hey asshat." Kyoko came into the subway as Sayaka was covered in blood, "What happened to you?" She ate chips and sat next to her, "Why are you more red than blue?"

"Some guys were arguing who was the best 80s cartoon character." Sayaka shivered, "Had to kill them, before it killed me." Kyoko agreed so passionately.

"Well then, you alright? Heard Madoka was looking for you." Kyoko bit another chip, "Sorry about the damn boyfriend thing."

"Nah, it's fucking alright." Sayaka turned to her, "I was an idiot-"

"Hello ladies!" Yuuta came back with a camera, "Are you gonna make love or something? That's the only ay to prevent a witch from coming."

"Witch?" Sayaka looked around, "Where?"

"Well, there are technically two here, one of them is a mermaid from hell and the other is a religious candle horseman. I'm not one of them!" Yuuta clapped his hands, "Now, who wants to make a miracle as I record it?"

He had his camera ready, "C'mon ladies, the world will be watching!" Kyoko and Sayaka slammed him with both of their weapons onto the floor, "Ow."

"Asshat." Kyoko kicked his face, "Now let us find the witch you were talking about."

"Well you are the witch!" Kyoko glared at him, "Not in a personal level but really! Magical girls are witches!" Kyoko only stared in a puzzled state before widening her eyes.

"No...NO."

"Kyoko? Is your period ready?" Sayaka came to see a horrified Kyoko, "What's wrong?"

"OH MY GAWD!" Kyoko took out her soul gem, "MAGICAL GIRLS ARE WITCHES!" Kyoko took out her soul gem and stared at it.

"Say whhhhaaaaat?" Sayaka took out her soul gem also and looked at it, "What are you talking about?"

"Sayaka..." Yuuta placed a hand on her shoulder, "Witches are magical girls! Where the fuck do you think they come from? Witch factory down the lane?" Sayaka nearly dropped her soul gem at the info.

"What? Where...why..." Kyoko was in the background banging her head and telling herself she was an idiot, "HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?!"

"I seen it so many times! Magical girl gets too hopeless, boom, witch!" Sayaka and Kyoko gaped at him, "Only if they were hotter." Kyoko grabbed Yuuta and strangled him, "Oh boy, you're mad."

"Why didn't you tell us you sick bastard?!" Kyoko had tears streaming down her face, "We were gonna all end up like this and you never told us?!"

"Well, wasn't the time! Grief seeds stop depression but they aren't depressant pills! I mean, Sayaka looks like she's gonna be one." Kyoko looked behind her to see Sayaka's soul gem darkening, "It's starting!" He handed her a grief seed and Kyoko threw him down onto the floor and tapped the grief seed onto Sayaka's, "That's better."

"Phew, thanks Kyoko." Sayaka frowned and looked at Yuuta, "Still doesn't answer why you never told us we were killing magical girls."

"Well, I can explain it all to Mami." Yuuta walked away and the two followed him. First, they just got the revelation of a lifetime and now they were stalking a boy younger than them. Ew.

* * *

"Hmm..." Mami ate some of her pizza, "Soul gems have souls? Eh, obvious." Homura had her jaw drop, Madoka was healed from her hypnotism thanks to some 'antidote beer' Yuuta left at the house. Homura carried Madoka to Mami's and told her the revelation of soul gems containing their souls.

"B-But Tomoe? Shouldn't you go berserk?"

"Nah, Pizza Hut is all I care." Homura had the most mortified face of all time, "I don't care if it turns out we turn into witches-"

"MAMI-SAN!" Sayaka came into the room with Kyoko and Yuuta just coming through the door, "IT TURNS OUT WE TURN INTO WITCHES! DID YOU KNOW THIS?!" Sayaka's yelling woke up Madoka, "Madoka?"

"Oh hey Sayaka-chan." Madoka looked around, "Oh hey Mami-san, hey Kyoko-chan, hey Homura-chan." Everyone was surprised Madoka didn't go apeshit over Homura.

"I gave her a cure for her obsession for me." Homura explained, "Works well." Everyone nodded in understanding, Mami turned to Sayaka.

"Well Miki-san, after teaching buttball, I couldn't care less." Sayaka had a surprised look, "I would even care if someone around her was a time traveller." Everyone turned to Homura, "Akemi-san? Do you have a confession."

"Um..." Homura knew she couldn't hide it, "Yes..." She began explaining who she really was. Her time travel abilities, her attempts to save Madoka and how much she suffered. Everyone (except Yuuta) listened to her tale and after she finished the story to the present.

"Homura-chan, you suffered so much." Madoka hugged Homura who turned red at how the pinkette's breasts were against her back, "Homura-chan?"

"M-Madoka!" She held a deep breath.

"Well then." Kyoko aimed her spear at Yuuta's neck, "Now that her backstory is revealed, how about yours?" Every magical girl around him aimed their weapons at him.

"I can send my backstory in your dreams?" Yuuta excused, "Also there is another revelation."

"What Yuuta?" Mami aimed her musket again his head, "What information you can give us that is SO important?"

"You're not real."

"What?" Sayaka deadpanned, "What does that mean?" Everyone looked at the laughing Yuuta.

"You're not real! Look, look guys, I know you have real feeling and I respect that." He walked around, "But not one of you is a real person."

"What? I'm real!" Kyoko slapped her chest, "My breasts are small! Those are real!"

"Well Kyoko, let me tell you this, you are in an anime."

"Say what?" Homura looked at him questionable, "I am aware of your ludicrous idea but you are now solidified insane."

"Guys, you aren't real!" Yuuta insisted, "I mean, who had pink hair? WHPO HAS PINK HAIR?! KYOKO, YOU COULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER YOUR MOM'S NAME! MAMI DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK SHE WISHED FOR! AND SAYAKA'S PARENTS ARE NOT EVEN PRESENT! MADOKA, SAYAKA, YOUR PARENTS DON'T WORRY YOU'RE CURRENTLY MISSING!"

Everybody had his words melt into their brains, then they had realization, "Oh shit, I don't know my mom's name." Kyoko dropped her spear, "OH SHIT." She realized it was the truth in his words.

"Well I now my parents' names! It's..." She paused, "I don't know..."

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" Mami clutched her head, "Oh my gawd!"

"Homura-chan! I'm scared!" Madoka clutched onto Homura.

"No wait, you are not in an anime." He snapped his fingers, "You're in a fanfiction!"

"WHAT?!"

"I'll just show you the show." Yuuta took out a DVD of Puella Magi Madoka Magica (plus the three movies).

* * *

"Holy shit." Kyoko dropped onto her knees after watching the show, "We...aren't real?!" She banged herself against the floor. Everyone else looked in shock after Rebellion ended.

"Homura-chan, why would you do the dickiest move of all time?" Madoka had a look of hurt in her eye after watching the moment. Homura didn't have an answer.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"WAAAAAAAAAH!"

"UUUUUUHHHHHH!"

"WAAAAAAAH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Screamed JonTron before a 'sick fuck' title appeared.

"Oh yeah guys, some hentai of you guys, mostly Mami." Yuuta tossed all the hentai onto the table, they all looked at it and screamed.

"Alright, we're anime characters, I am now starting to accept that." Sayaka grit her teeth, remembering how in the show she became a witch. She didn't want that to happen, "Kyoko is there."

"God doesn't exist for me! Only a bastard named Gen!" Kyoko groaned in sorrow as Mami comforted her. Homura was now aware that all the bullshit Yuuta had being doing was now justified and made sense.

"I suppose you want the answers to the fanfic parts." Yuuta smiled, "A fanfic written by XMinerCobra because he is a pussy against yuri fans. He sacrifices time for this fic, not because it was also his English project, because he is a lonely bastard who doesn't know what to do with his life."

Homura looked at him, Yuuta had genuine sadness streaked across his face. It was something she never saw before, especially for a guy who ran over a boy twice, "I'm not letting you read it." Yuuta took out some beer, "Who wants to get drunk?" Every girl shrugged, fuck it.

* * *

"Hmmm." Madoka and Homura were busy making out drunk at the floor, "You tastes so sweet Homura-chan."

"You're sweeter." Homura replied, "Now more tongue." Madoka did what she requested as Sayaka was busy groping Mami.

"Are they magic? Are they real?" She kept poking and Mami kept laughing, both drunk.

"Miki-san, stop tickling me!" Mami chuckled heartily. Kyoko was bust drunk ranting with curses.

"THIS IS FUCKING GREAT! I NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!" Also she was naked, nobody mind, "WOO! I'M KING OF THE WORLD!"

Yuuta, surprisingly the only sober one looked away from the naked girl. He called in their parents (by mimicking their voices) that their sleeping in their female senpai's house. He enjoyed watching them not in misery and not caring if they are fictional or not.

"Hopefully this is a happy ending for them." He stared at his camera, "Good thing XMinerCobra had me a backstory." He replayed a video from long ago...

* * *

Meanwhile, Kyubey remembered Yuuta mind wiped him.

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter- THEY GONE TURBO

"YUUTA!" Sayaka came into his bunker wearing Power Armor from Fallout, "BECAUSE I SERVED MY PURPOSE THROUGH THE ANIME AND MOVIES AND I CAN ASCEND INTO A GREATER PURPOSE IN THE COMMONWEALTH." She declared to Yuuta's horror.

"You can't do that! You fool, you've messed the natural order!" He yelled at her and she went into the portal, "NOOOOOO!"

"I am here to live in pineapples under the sea." Mami was dressed in a fish outfit also tossed herself into the portal.

"Why is this happening?! Why is there a portal in my bunker!"

"I'm gonna be RIIIIIDDDDDDEEEER!" Homura ran into the portal, "I'll be in Fate/Zero bitches!"

"I'll be in Fire Emblem!" Kyoko jumped in.

"I'll be in Fargo!" Madoka jumps in, Yuuta as left in shock before going after them.

* * *

 **I KNOW THAT THE WITCH REVELATION COULD BE DONE BETTER BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE POWER TO DO IT. SORRY FOLKS!**

 **THE NEXT CHAPTER INVOLVES BACKSTORY, LOTSA BACKSTORY.**

 **STAY TUNED**!


	11. Ice Cream

Ice Cream

* * *

 **Yuuta: OH FUCK! NEARLY THE LAST**

 **What my dear OC?**

 **Yuuta: THE CHAPTER IS TOO EMOTIONAL! WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS?!**

 **Well you needed backstory-**

 **Yuuta: BUT NOT LIKE THIS! THIS FIC IS SUPPOSED TO EMBRACE MY NONSENSE! YOU BROKE IT! YOU FUCKING BROKE IT!**

 **Um...can we get to the story?**

 **Yuuta: NO! I WENT THROUGH SHIT FROM YURI FANS, SAYAKA BITCHING AND EXTREME NEGLECT BECAUSE YOU FOCUSED ON SAYAKA! I QUIT! I'M LEAVING BITCH!**

 **Uh...are you coming back?**

 **Yuuta: NOPE!**

 **Alright...I guess...**

 **Yuuta: WHY THE FUCK DO I EVEN NEED A BACKSTORY-**

 **OH YES, THERE IS A POLL ON WHO YOU SHIP YUUTA WITH, READ IT! DON'T KILL ME!**

 **STORY IS NOW-OH GAWD HE HAS FISTS.**

* * *

All the girls were unconscious in some point or another. Madoka laid on top of Homura, Homura laid on the floor, Mami was on her tea table, Kyoko was naked behind the couch and Sayaka somehow made it to the ceiling aith bits of Madoka Magica hentai on her body.

Yuuta smiled at their happiness, he looked around and saw a cat by a window, "Amy? Never thought you would show up in this fic." The cat meowed and Yuuta threw an explosive at the cat and blew it up, "You aren't needed!" The head of said cat hit his own head, "Ow."

"You are a cruel being, aren't you, Yuuki Mikoto?" Yuuta widened his eyes, "The mind seal you inhabited in our hive mind has been broken, all information I have forgotten has now returned."

"Dammit XMinerCobra." Yuuta growled to himself, "Why couldn't I get Juubey? Shizune Magica is even easier to be put in than this, at least everyone there has big tits unlike Flatdoko, Flatmura, Flatyoko and Flatyaka. Those girls all stuff their bras."

"Yuuta, I am aware you are a twisted soul, escaping into a reality you cannot even comprehend but still live in due to your trauma." Yuuta frowned, "However, I would not interfere with your personal perception of reality as long as you don't get involved in Incubator business-"

"Let me stop you. I was involved ever since you first showed up." Yuuta stated seriously, "Also, do you have more compliments on me?"

"You are a perverted sociopath, a manipulative bastard, a demented demon from hell, a nightmare to insurance agents, a violinists serial killer, the bane of yuri fans, over referencing incarnate, chaos bringer, lazy asshat and super mega mothermucker-" Deadpool came up and shot Kyubey and threw his corpse out the window through what was left to Amy.

"Thanks Deadpool." Yuuta shook hands with the comic boom character, "XMinerCobra always haas you when needed."

"Aw thanks buddy! But TiM needs me for his Fate/Zero fic!" Deadpool disappeared, Yuuta knew he won't be back in awhile. He sighed to himself, knowing Kyubey was right about the grasping a reality that never exiated.

"Time to give my backstory." Yuuta took out a spray and went to each girl and used it on their head. He looked around and took out his camcorder/camera/recorder (he doesn't give a shit what to call it anymore) and looked at it again.

* * *

 _"Please, can you spare change?" A boy, who was barely out of five was on the streets begging, he had dirty brown hair and was thin. He wore a hoodie and beaten down pants and sniffled a bit, "Please?"_

 _Everyone who passed just gave him pitiful looks. They weren't going to give him their money, he was just a person who can be disposed of, unlike money. He had no contribute to society, he wasn't important, he was no prince, no rich person or even a manager, he was just nothing._

 _"Heh. Look at you kid." Some teenagers who had no good thing to do in your time, "Where are your parents?"_

 _"I don't know..." The boy muttered, "They told me mama was gonna get married."_

 _"And did she comes back?"_

 _"N-No..." Nobody was around to protect him, are the potential people who could give him spare change was gone and the teenagers were only left, "I never saw her again..."_

 _"Aw, too bad." The teenager punched him, the boy coughed out blood and the teenager held him the air, "Well, she left because you were worthless! Just a stupid little shit who can't even beg right!" The teenagers kept beating him as he cried._

 _Maybe he shouldn't escape, maybe they were right..._

 _..._

 _..._

 _"HEY DUMBASSHATS!" The teenagers stopped beating him momentarily when they saw a girl who looked no older than the boy. She had long grayish hair and had a rather large baseball bat with her, "If you don't stop beating him, I'll beat your asses."_

 _"Yeah and-" She tossed the baseball bat and it hit one teenager in the head, the bat went boomerang and went back to her arms and the teenager went on the floor unconscious._

 _"Anyone fucking else?!" She shouted out, for someone who is five, she's pretty OP, "You wanna fuck around with me?" They all ran away, not wanting to be knocked unconscious also. The teenagers also grabbed their knocked out friend and ran off with him._

 _"Uh..." The boy groaned out in pain before looking up, "W-What?"_

 _"You alright? You look like you were fucked like crazy." The girl helped him up and rubbed the bruises on his face, "Aw, you poor thing. You a hobo." The boy nodded, "Well me too-ish. Gotta an abandoned building a few miles the other way. Pretty cold and I have an extra sleeping bag, wanna come." She held put her hand in sincerity._

 _"Why...are you helping me?" He asked which made her frown._

 _"Why not? Look, my name is Yuuta Miori, your...a bit European from what I can tell." He nodded, "Alright! Wait a minute." She took a camera out of nowhere and snapped his picture, "This camera also takes care of videos. You have parents? Are you Batman?"_

 _"No...Yuuta-san-"_

 _"No honorifics! We street people are brothers and sisters so no honors or telling of last names!" She stated, "What's your name?"_

 _"Yuuki..." He spoke out his last name, "Yuuki Mikoto."_

 _"Alright then Mikoto." She grabbed his hand, "To my fucking place, like the TARDIS!" The two ran off._

* * *

Homura woke up first, she had the weirdest dream of a boy named Mikoto being led by...Yuuta? But it was a girl. Homura was confused but the revelation of her being in a fanfic lessened it. She saw Madoka was atop of her and she rolled the pinkette off her out of embarrassment.

"Wah!" Madoka woke up, "Homura-chan! I had the weirdest dream ever! Someone who looks like Yuuta talks to a girl who says she's Yuuta!" Homura blinked, she had the same dream. She looked around, seeing everyone else was asleep. Perhaps they had the same dream...

Speaking of which...

"Hello ladies! Called your parents in your voices last night, they know where you are." He cooked them pancakes and bacon, "Weird dreams?" They nodded, "Sprayed you with plot backstory ray, you'll see visions more often than not." They nodded, after last night, they needed aspirin.

"Eh..." Everyone else woke, "What's with my dream last night?"

"Oh hey guys! Eat up! I already enrolled Kyoko in our school, she will be forced into an education like everyone else."

"What fucktard?" Kyoko came with her spear and Yuuta ducked, "Better make good breakfast, asshat."

"Don't worry Kyoko! You shall relearn the power of education and why is there pieces of flesh strewn about?" Everyone jumped back seeing bits of flesh around the floor, "Is that...fur?" Sayaka pointed out and Yuuta gave a sheepish look.

"Amy was a shitty cat." He responded to their mortified faces, "What? She was a shitty cat." They shrieked, "Oh bother. Woman are so insensitive to male feelings." Don't sue me.

* * *

 _"Here we go! Nostalgia Critic would be proud." Miori told him as he looked around in awe. In a normal person's standard, it was a dump the building they were in, it had dark corners, trash littered floor, smudges on the ceiling and water dripping down from it, some remains of roaches and ants, oh gawd the ants, "Alright, it's a dump."_

 _"No Yuuta-san-"_

 _"Miori."_

 _"Miori...it's amazing!" He dropped his begging can and looked around in awe, "It's beautiful."_

 _"No it doesn't. It looks like a crack den from GTA." He looked at her confused, "References, you don't get it."_

 _"Why do you live here?" Mikoto questioned, "It seems too surreal for someone that young to live in these conditions."_

 _"Well." Miori started, "I'm an orphan also. I found this place a few years ago and our stuff is upstairs!" She motioned to the staircase, "C'mon. Are you slower than Internet Explorer?"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _"I have referencing issues." She told him, "I have a radio upstairs, I know these things." The two went upstairs and it was better than downstairs, "I never wanted to fix this place up. If we did, might attract authorities and they'll kick me, I mean us, out."_

 _The room had no bugs but still had smudges and was dusty and a bit watery. It had a simple sleeping bag at the end along with an old wooden table with a radio on top of it along with a lamp and some cans of food. There was also some stuff next to them, more or less a pile._

 _"I got a spare sleeping bag." She went to her pile, "I'm messy, sorry." She brought out a rather torn and broken item, "More broken than Johnny Test."_

 _"Who?"_

 _"Nothing." She laid it on the floor next to hers, "Sorry if it is a shitty one." She apologized as she set her camera recorder on the table, "Can't afford anything fancy."_

 _"I-It's alright." Mikoto said, "It is a lovely sleeping bag."_

 _"Are you saying that because it is the only one you have?"_

 _He nodded._

 _"Dumbfuck."_

* * *

Mami slapped her head in the middle of class, oh god, the visions of the past were likely getting all to the Puella Magi (Madoka also counts). Yuuta gave them likely a lifetime of grief seeds also to each one who was a magical girl, thank goodness.

But the backstories through...

"Alright my dear children!" The teacher came in, "The most underrated anime is Nagi no Asukara! Don't disagree, just watch it!" Mami sighed, this day at school is not looking good.

* * *

"Homura-chan." Madoka confronted the girl at the rooftop, "Did we drunk make out?"

"Yes..." Homura trailed off, this was fucking awkward especially when Yuuta was recording and nobody else there, "Yes I did." She repeated firmly, "And I am proud of it!" She was in turmoil on the inside. She just admitted one of the most perverted acts she had done ever.

"Well then!" Madoka hugged Homura, "If she went all this trouble to not make me die then I would gladly be your waifu!" Homura had steam coming out of her ears at the confession. The out of place confession is her secret perverted dream all along.

"ALRIGHT! THE VIDEO IS OFF!" Yuuta took out the spare chip for the specific video, "Here ya go yuri fans!" He tossed the chip off the roof and the yuri fans caught it.

"We have the ultimate of yuri!" They cheered, "We shall celebrate in fireworks!" They had Kyosuke strapped onto a rocket.

"NOT AGAIN-" He was shot into the sky and he exploded with colors, his limp body that was extra crispy fell down with a thud.

* * *

 _One year and they were six. The years preceding them before them were amazing. Of course, they lived in a dump while trying to get rid of hobos but it was fun at least. They stole, they caused chaos, everything from vandalism to straight up robbery at some point. Mikoto was never so scared but having so fun at the same time._

 _Miori was equally having as much fun, her blurting references in front of someone never felt so satisfying. All the cursing was around and eating trash food was amazing. She helped the poor boy a bit too many times (because he's a pussy) but she didn't care as long as she bad someone to talk to._

 _Then all that changed one day._

 _It was after Miori kicking some pedo's ass apart when they were returning home. They went upstairs and laughing about how much fun it was beating the ever living crap outta him._

 _"And then, he wanted to get in my skirt but I was like, NOPE, NO WAY!" Mikoto laughed so hard, "Then beating him to near death is always the answer."_

 _"Well then, I supposed you are a true...badass?" He cringed at his way to curse, he never got the hang of it. Miori patted his back in comfort._

 _"Don't worry. You'll get a hang of it one day." She wasn't looking when she went towards the table, when she got there, she yelped, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!"_

 _"Huh?" He looked and saw her pointing at the table, nothing but the radio random cans on it, "What are you looking at?" He titled his head at the table, "Did you see a bug?"_

 _"No there is a damn cat rabbit thing on the desk and-the hell? It ain't blinking?" She twirled her gray hair in confusion, "What is this thing? You can't see it?"_

 _"Nope." He made his eyes into slits, "Did you hit your head as you beat that pedophile?" He shot an accusing look at her._

 _"What?!" She gasped in horror, "HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS?!"_

 _"I can't see it!"_

 _"Uh. These humans are too...arguing." Kyubey spoke up and Mikoto shrieked, "Oh dear..."_

 _"WHAT IS THAT?!" He screamed while pointing at the alien, "KILL IT!"_

 _"WILL DO!" Miori took out her bat and aimed it over Kyubey who backed away, "DIE IN THE NAME OF HOODINI."_

 _"Wait! Don't attack me, I'm here to offer you something." The two stopped trying to kill it and put their weapons down, "There we go."_

 _"What the heck are you, an alien? E.T. that looks like a rejected character from a magical girl show?" Kyubey simply looked Miori with a blank look, "You scaring me."_

 _"I'm Kyubey and yes, I'm an alien. Do you want to forge a contract to be a magical girl?"_

* * *

The girls were busy eating food after school. Oh gawd, the backstory is hurting, "I guess he was serious with the backstory thing." Sayaka commented as she rubbed her head, "Uh, sometimes it happens."

"Don't fucking worry. It'll clear up one day." Kyoko ate her food, "Who knew school was better than I thought. Along with the free food."

"I paid for you food with my allowance, stupid." Sayaka corrected her, "Like really, you gotta live with Mami."

"Alright Miki-san." Mami nodded in agreement, "I mean, I have enough milk." She looked around, "Where's Yuuta?"

"Dunno, he said he'll-" Before Sayaka can finish her sentence, Madoka and Homura ducked as she just triggered the lines, "OH GAWD."

"YUUTA!" The boy just ran into the place with a monster truck, "JOHN CENA!" Who came out was the wrestler who made the wall that broke behind them collapse with his pecs.

"I quit." The janitor of the mall passed his mop to a flabbergasted employee, "Fuck this, I'm not doing SHIT with that kid breaking this shop again and again!"

* * *

Madoka went to bed after dinner, the day was tiring as fuck especially with mind fuckery all around, "Hmm." She pondered to herself what the dreams were all about.

"Madoka?" Junko slowly came into the room, "You still awake?"

"Yes mama, what is it?"

"Are you gay?" Madoka nearly puked at that sentence, "I mean really, have you flirted with anyone?"

"What? No mama..." Well there was Homura...a bit of Yuuta, some Mami, Sayaka's was a joke, she think Kyoko was the one who flirted, "NO."

"Alright just checking..." Junko closed the door with a suspicious look at Madoka, "Just checking..."

Madoka looked around and didn't know what to think anymore.

"YUUTA!" Yuuta crashed the monster truck into her room

* * *

 _It was a month since Kyubey's offer and the damn alien was getting on Miori's nerves. A wish in exchange for being a magical girl was a great deal. Any fucking wish for being a damn magical girl._

 _And Miori was like, "FUCK THAT!"_

 _She forced the Incubator to blurt out any side effects and the alien told her everything for soul gems to witches and what their true nature is. She was basically giving her soul to the devil for fuck's sake!_

 _But a wish, that is too tempting._

 _Of course, she didn't want to make a wish for herself but for both of her and Mikoto's sake. She also never asked why does a female have to be magical but she didn't care. It would come at a great price to be a magical girl and if she died..._

 _That was her wish._

 _She just figured out what to wish for and hopefully (fuck hope), her wish wouldn't backfire, especially if that damn alien who tried encouraging her when every misfortune happened and would use it to turn her into a witch later._

 _"Miori? Something wrong?" Mikoto came in, "I made Kyubey get run over by a car, he's not bothering us for a few minutes._

 _"Thanks!" She replied and looked around the room, "You know, I always wanted to try something." The boy sat next to her._

 _"What?"_

 _"Ice cream, you know. That milk thing you put in your mouth." Mikoto frowned, he never seen ice cream but heard about it._

 _"Never seen it."_

 _"Me neither. Should I make a wish for that?" She suggested and Mikoto looked at her with horror._

 _"N-No?"_

 _"Just pulling your leg." She sighed afterward, "I wanna make that wish."_

 _"Splendid." Kyubey came upstairs, "Now what is your wish, Yuuta Miori."_

 _"Wait..." She rethought again, "Now I'm ready but Mikoto has to stay outside! Don't want my wish to be heard and backfire because of your pussy self."_

 _"Alright then." Mikoto excused him and went downstairs. He only heard whispers and a sudden plop which meant the contract was complete. Mikoto smiled to himself, he was happy for her._

 _He didn't know hell was coming for him._

* * *

Sayaka woke out of bed, Homura said tonight will be when Walpurgisnacht will come and the people of the city will be evacuated. Yuuta told them he'll face it alone as they are inside the evacuation center.

They didn't give two fucks about it.

They knew Yuuta would straight up one hit Walpurgisnacht's face apart and they weren't gonna be in the crossfire (unless he fucking makes the thing collapse on said evacuation center).

"Uh...having parents who are basically not existing is fun." She said to herself, she still had no fucking idea what her parents look like, "XMinerCobra!

What?

"Wait, you can hear me?"

Fuck yeah, I'm writing.

"Uh, why did you take THIS long to respond?"

Because I'm somehow in the bolded beginning before the actually story. I sometimes end up in Yuuta's Bunker/Shelter, I lost track of the numbers on it.

"So...why couldn't you make Kyosuke make love to me?"

Because the yuri fans! Oh so scary people who love nothing more than to squish anything male. Lovely bunch if your one of them.

"Alright...why are you talking to me?"

I need filler between Yuuta's backstory. It HUUUUUURTS for me to do this on a schedule.

"Okay?"

Good, now I ruined the fic long enough.

With that, XMinerCobra left and, "STOP NARRATING!"

Okay, put your bra back where it needs to Ms Grumpy.

* * *

Yuuta scooted closer to Kyoko. Class hasn't started and people ere away from him (he ran over Kyosuke more than once for them to remember the lessons learned from those incidents).

"Whatcha doing?" Kyoko noticed him, "The fuck is with you and that camera? You're obsessed with the thing." Yuuta grasped the object in protection.

"No way! Too precious!" He screamed like Gollum, "Also what would happen if the Tenth Doctor and Kilgrave meet?" Kyoko shivered at the possibility, "That idea is worse than Pinkie Pie and Mabel Pines meeting."

"No idea."

"Welcome to fourth wall group." He patted her back, "Deadpool." He snapped his fingers and the man himself appeared and shot several rounds into the air, "We got six more members."

"Whew, I thought we only got Chowder, me and you to be in the group." Deadpool thanked, "How about you?" The man turned to Kyoko who had the WTF look on her face, "What? XMinerCobra got your tongue?"

Kyoko hurled (not even I fucking know).

* * *

 _"Miori?" Mikoto looked at the magical girl. Miori had a mace for a weapon (it was her bat that was transformed) and looked like she was in the 30s, like a hobo on the street back then except it was an elegant silver adorned with golden lines. She had a brown fedora on with silver rims, "Are you heading out again?"_

 _"Yeah, sorry." It has been a month since she made the contract, her power which was ending her enemies and damaging the surroundings, "Fucking can't be here. Witch hunting or else I'll be one myself!" She laughed weakly, "Sorry."_

 _"It's okay. Not the first night I'm alone." He said to her humbly, "I don't want you to die. You can go."_

 _"Thanks then." She was about to go downstairs to leave but stopped midway, "Are you sure you're okay?" She asked again in concern, "I mean, I can stay and stop for just one night."_

 _"No, no, you might not be safe if you don't go. I just hope you'll be alright." He told her, "Just...please come home." Miori smiled at him and set her camera down onto the table._

 _"I'll be back." She spoke in a Terminator way and left, Mikoto smiled weakly and sat on the floor and grabbed a can with grub inside of it. He looked back at the stairs, wondering if she would be back this time._

 _He would never know._

 _He looked at the can in loneliness and dined in._

* * *

"I fucking just got this new cushion strap." He met up with the girls on the roof, "Meido versions of all of you! My perverse fetish dreams came true!" The five gaped at the straps which was all of them in maid outfits, "WOO!"

"I'll take the Madoka one." Homura grabbed the one with Meido Madoka, "Beautiful." She kissed it and made everyone else but Madoka and Yuuta cringed in disgust.

"I guess the yuri strayed too far, Akemi-san?" Homura nodded at Mami's question, "Then I'll take myself. Don't want meido me running around the world." She grabbed it and put it in her skirt pockets.

"Me too, Mami-san." Sayaka grabbed Meido Sayaka, "Yuuta might do something perverse with them if he got his grubby hands on it, "Kyoko?"

"Let him keep it, what is the worse that can happen?" Everyone backed away, "What? I'm being honest?"

"Do you have the hots for him, Sakura-san!"

"No Mami! T-That's ridiculous..." Kyoko quickly changed the subject, "So, what else do you have?"

"A buncha MadoHomu fanart." Homura grabbed the things off his hands, "Okay..." He took out a switchblade, "Also a knife that says Madoka."

"W-Why do I need a knife for?" Madoka stuttered out, "I never cut someone."

"You're someone's waifu, you'll be defended rather easily." Madoka squealed at the thought of being someone's waifu, "Moving on, we got all your soul gems." He took out the items, "Not as shiny as I remember."

"Well said." Sayaka eyed the objects, "It looks like we just succumbed to grief."

"No shit." Yuuta retorted, "Kyubey gets a ceramic bank, and a New Years card. Odd, never thought the bastard would be that welcoming to my year and funds." He went back into the pile, "MadoHomu soap box-" Homura took it, "Madoka mouse-" She took it, "I regret giving you stuff to your shitty apartment."

"No kidding." Kyoko irked when they saw Homura with a pile of Madoka things, "Anything else?"

"Figma, a camera with Kyubey, Homura BB gun. Who knew a cute girl can help me shoot down my enemies!" He gave a thumbs-up, "CD boxes, Kyubey pen, car freshers-"

"CAR FRESHENERS?!" Sayaka screeched, "WHAT MERCHANDISING DID WE HAVE?!"

"A lot of it involves yuri sketches, the franschise died a bit after the movie but you guys are in the anime history books." He nodded in respect, "You gotta have points for that."

"Look at the bright sides of things Miki-san. At least there is no fanservice of us." Yuuta had the most guilty look, "No..."

"Here is the swimsuit fanart." He gave them each one of them and they looked at it in sheer horror, "It's worse. Sayaka has all the hentai." Everyone glared at the bluenette.

"What? Some of them are nice." Homura grabbed Sayaka and lifted her in the air, "WHAT THE NUTS HOMURA!"

"WHERE IS THE MADOHOMU HENTAI!" Homura demanded, "GIVE IT TO ME MIKI!"

Madoka sighed, the girl was a pervert.

* * *

Mikoto was lonely, that was no secret. He was lonely when he started and now he's just as alone. It was torture for him to eat by himself without Miori, worrying that she might be dead or became a witch.

The price of being with a Puella Magi.

"Hello." Kyubey walked in, "Are you enjoying dinner?"

"Y-Yes..." He was nervous as fuck, the alien that had indirectly led multiple young girls to their deaths was in front of him, "Is she okay?"

"I am not sure. It isn't like I have various eyes throughout the city." Kyubey tilted his head, "I do not know if she's alive? So you care for her?"

"I'm back-" Miori came back in her magical girl outfit, "Hmm? You two doing something?" They both turned to her.

"Nothing..." Kyubey replied, "Nothing at all..." The Incubator left and Miori smiled at the boy.

"What's for dinner?"

Mikoto smiled, it was six years since the contract was made and now he was twelve along with her. He was happy.

"Hmm, which position should I make Yoda and the Flash do?" The girls were busy trying to make figma and action figures have ragdoll sex out of boredom on the rooftop.

"How about 'the oink'?" Mami suggested, "Men love that, Sakura-san."

"Uh! Excuse me while I change!" Also Kyoko was forced to cosplay each time she needed advice, "What should I dress up as now?"

"Saber!" Sayaka suggested and made Kyoko groan, at least it isn't anything perverted yet.

Kyoko hid and made sure Yuuta wasn't spying, "I'M FUCKING DONE!" Kyoko came out in Saber's dress armor. Everyone clapped, "Don't fucking flatter me, assholes."

"But you look great Kyoko-chan!" Madoka approved, "Right Homura-Homura-chan?" Homura was busy trying to pick very revealing outfits for Madoka to wear.

"The bikini or the thong?" She asked, "Tomoe, Miki, what do you think?"

"KYAAAAAAH!" Madoka screamed out, "Also where is Yuuta."

"I don't care, when can I take this off?" Kyoko asked, "Getting itchy." Sue scratched her bum.

"Sakura-san! We'll dress you as Princess Bubblegum next!" Mami yelled out, "NEXT WILL BE THE THE BUNNY OUTFIT." Meanwhile, Yuuta was with a certain camera where that meth addict was before he was kicked out.

"Almost better than ice cream." He muttered while smiling.

* * *

 _"Uh..." They were thirteen now, Mikoto wanted to see what Miori actually did as a Puella Magi so she let him tag along (in truth, it was out of his desperate loneliness) to a witch's barrier. He was lucky that Miori was protecting him, "Are we near yet?"_

 _"We're close, don't FNAF jumpscare me yet." She warned him, "I'll beat you with this bat if you do." She held her bat threateningly at him and he nodded, "But really, what is the real reason you came here?"_

 _"I eaten dinner alone for the past years, I missed you..." He answered with sincere honesty, Miori had a greatly saddened look on her face, "Miori?"_

 _"Sorry for making you go through that. I'm a troll." She smiled sheepishly, "I'm sorry about making you go through that." She put a hand on his shoulder._

 _"I-It's been quiet without you...r-really quiet..." He began crying to her surprise, "I couldn't t-tell if you were ever coming home again...it was scary...really scary, Y-Yuuta-san." Mikoto was hugged tightly by the girl, "Y-Yuuta-san?"_

 _"Don't worry, I won't leave you." She comforted, "I'll make sure I come back alive and well for your sake, dumbass. Also, please don't call Yuuta ever again."_

 _"A-Alright then." He nodded and they went towards the witch. They opened the door leading to her room, "Are you sure you can fight it?"_

 _"Yup, I'm a badass, that's why." Miori took out her bat and the witch manifested in front of her, "Hello! Seems like I made you impatient." It roared at her, "Okay then." She charged at the witch as Mikoto watched, wiping the tear stains off his eyes._

* * *

"Okay..." The six were playing cards on the rooftop, "I ACTIVATE MY TRAP CARD!" Mami slapped her card on the floor, "KISS THAT!"

"WELL MY CARD CANCELS OUT THE TRAP CARD AND USES THE TRAP CARD AUTOMATICALLY AGAINST YOU!" Sayaka countered, "HAHAHA! NOT ONE OF YOU CAN BEAT MY KINGDOM!"

"NEVER SAYAKA-CHAN! THIS TRAP CARD MAKES ALL TRAP CARD IN YOUR DECK MY TRAP CARD!" Madoka screamed and slapped her card down.

"WELL PRINCESS YOU CAN KICK MY ASS BECAUSE MY TRAP CARD ACTIVATED ALL MY TRAP CARDS AND ONE OF THE CANCELS OUT TRAP CARD CANCELING TRAP CARDS!" Kyoko exclaimed, "YOUR MOVE HOMURA!"

"NOT A CHANCE SAKURA! THIS TRAP CARD RECOVERS MY SOUL MATE'S TRAP CARDS AND ALL YOUR TRAP CARDS! HAHAHAHA! CANCELING YOUR TRAP CARDS IS GENIUS!" Homura cheered for herself evilly, "HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"THIS TRAP CARD MAKES ME QUIT!" Yuuta left the game, "FUCK THIS! I'M RETURNING TO MONTY PYTHON! PEACE!"

* * *

 _Mikoto heard some strange noises coming from downstairs, he hid the camera under the sheets as it was a precious belonging and grabbed a broken knife that can barely cut and headed down, "Hello? My turf here."_

 _"M-Mikoto!" To his horror, he saw Miori was crawling on the floor, bleeding profusely and badly injured, "S-SHIT!"_

 _"M-Miori!" He grabbed and carried her upstairs and laid her on the sleeping bags, "What happened?!"_

 _"I didn't know what witch I was fighting-OH FUCK!" The girl coughed out blood, "Walpurgisnacht. It is a super witch Kyubey never bothered telling me about. Took forever for me to beat it because every familiar I killed caused an explosion and hit it."_

 _"Y-You're bleeding-!"_

 _"I don't care about bleeding, I can live, Puella Magi and all." She made her soul gem come out, "I used up my grief seeds during the fight, it's over." He saw the soul gem was slowly darkening even though it was as black as it was, "I'm done for!"_

 _"W-What? N-No!" He refused, "There's gotta be a way! I-I'll get Kyubey to help-"_

 _"No, he won't help." She says to him, "Sorry I couldn't keep what I said, now I feel like fucking Anakin HypocriteSkywalker."_

 _"D-Don't say that! If your breaking what you say, I will also!" He cried, "Yuuta-san! P-Please, don't die, I don't wanna be alone." Tears fell onto her bleeding form._

 _"I won't, I'll be a witch." She summoned her bat, "Use that bat and break my soul gem, I am NOT gonna be one of those things." She commanded him, "Do it for me at least."_

 _"B-But..."_

 _"Don't worry, I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry for leaving you alone all those years." Mikoto only realized she was crying along with him, "I didn't wanna go down like this also, I don't want you being alone in the world."_

 _Mikoto was weeping, he couldn't bear his fears to be realized, "D-Don't die on me...I don't want you to leave me..."_

 _"Mikoto, we'll have one last adventure right now, it involves getting that bat and killing me." She sniffled, "For one...last time."_

 _"O-Okay..." He stood up, having a brave but afraid face, "I will!"_

 _"Take care of that camera for me..." She closed her eyes before taking one last breath. Mikoto aimed it over the soul gem, looking at her one last time_

 _"FUUUUUUUCK!" Miori grinned as for the first time, he cursed properly and he shattered the gem._

* * *

"Oh shit." Sayaka rubbed her eyes after the vision, "Never knew Yuuta was so...emotionally broken."

"I'll say." Kyoko came in, "Hot dog?"

"Fuck you Sakura."

* * *

 _Mikoto ate cans of things he never bothered checking. It has been a year and he was fourteen. He looked around the empty home with the eyes of someone who lost the will to live. He cut himself and gave himself scars all over himself, he didn't even feel the pain._

 _Now he was gonna kill himself._

 _He looked at the noose on the roof, he would just put his head under that and his death would be quick, painless. He would see her again in another life if there was any._

 _"H-Here I go..." He wrapped his head around it quietly and was about to kill himself until an Incubator came in front of him, "K-Kyubey?"_

 _"Hello Mikoto." Kyubey greeted, "Seems like you are doing horrible."_

 _"No kidding." He responded emotionlessly, "Why are you here?"_

 _"I wanted to do an experiment. To see if you can be a magical boy and how it can stop entropy as much as girls. Never thought I would need to do that but the Incubators are looking for volunteers!" He offered, "You still get a wish."_

 _"A wish?" He got off the noose, "I know what to wish-" He stopped, he couldn't wish for Miori back, Kyubey will mess it up and perhaps make her come back as a lifeless zombie or a witch?_

 _No, he needed to think carefully._

 _"I got it." He snapped his fingers, "Please, I wish for all the knowledge across existence itself." Kyubey nearly flinched but had a stoic expression._

 _"Then your wish is granted." Kyubey removed Mikoto's soul out of his chest and he plopped onto the floor, "Is the wish ready-Mikoto?" From what it appears to look like, the boy was having a seizure, "Is your body ready-"_

 _"AAAAAAAH!" His outfit was summoned which was a suit with a very tacky tie along with gauntlets, "KILL ME! KILL M!" He was glowing a horrible bright light, moments later the Incubator disintegrated as the entire building exploded._

* * *

"Homura-chan!" Madoka clutched her head, "The backstory is scary!"

"It is okay." Homura grabbed Madoka perversely, "I'll protect you."

"KYAAAAAH~"

* * *

 _"And just moments ago, a building randomly combusted. It was abandoned and police have no leads what caused it as there was no evidence an explosive was used." A reporter talked in front of the camera. Mikoto meanwhile, struggled towards an alley before collapsing._

 _"I saved you Miori..." He gripped the camera, "My life was worthless...wasn't it?" The information of countless of things wrapped around his head, including that he wasn't real, "Nothing counted, did it?" He clutched the camera tightly. Kyubey came in and saw him._

 _"I didn't expect to see that reaction, I'll likely quit the project while I'm ahead-" Kyubey was grabbed by Mikoto, "What the-?!"_

 _"YOU ARE NOW DEADPOOLED!" Mikoto shoved the ideas of Deadpool in all memories relating to him towards Kyubey who took it all in and forgot about him. Mikoto then threw the Incubator as far as he could, "My head burns..."_

 _He looked up at the sky, knowing he was just barely a speck in an ocean. His life didn't mean anything like how he began, it didn't mean anything now. He wasn't going to cry because he couldn't anymore._

 _"I wonder what she left me...?" Mikoto looked at the camera, "One video?"_

 _He pressed it._

* * *

"Wow!" Mami perked up, seeing she was walking home, "Hell of a backstory!" She took out her phone, "Girls, we need to talk." Of course, the backstory was shown to them, "Yuuta-san needs out help."

"Hmm? You're staying at Mami's? Alright." Yuuta blinked, Homura was having a sleepover with the girls, no boys allowed, "Huh. Guess I'm alone again!" He got out of the bedroom before stopping by the kitchen, "Wonder why she-"

He paused when he saw ice cream on the table with five cards on it. He went towards them.

Yuuta-kun! Sorry but here you go! You really need it.-Madoka

You better not bang Madoka.-Homura

I understand you a bit...not really. Hope you like it!-Sayaka

You're a bastard but one who has been through much. Hope it tastes sweet.-Kyoko

It is not made of breast milk.-Mami

Yuuta smiled, he went back to the kitchen and grabbed two bowls and two spoons. He placed them on the table, adjacent to each other and put ice cream in each of them. At the opposite end, he placed the camera and made a video relay with his scarred hands.

* * *

 _M-Mikoto, hey. I know things have been rough for you and I never recorded this for long and made this video permanent. Heh, never thought you expect that..."_

 _"I made this so I can tell you want I want you tell you if I'm not here, really personal business. If I'm dead, I'm sorry."_

 _"I'm a hobo because...I was running from the truth, that I'm alone. I may not act like it but I'm really scared. Really scared. Until I met you! You are the ultimate sidekick! Us kicking ass is amazing and I loved those days."_

 _"Second is the magical girl stuff. I'm never at home anymore and I know you're alone, I don't want you to be like that, being scared and hopeless. I-I really am scared to die, we're relatable, thank god."_

 _"I know what happens if I die, if I'm fifteen, if I'm twenty, if I'm fifty, or even one hundred when it happens, I would always think what would happen to you. You'll be scared to make friends, just being afraid and missing me."_

 _"Please don't be like that Mikoto, please don't. Maybe if there really is an afterlife, we can meet again but from where you are, not today but one day, we will. In the meantime, while I'm alive, I wanted to get ice cream."_

 _"I know I said this a lot but if one day we can legally buy some, I wanted to eat it with you. I want to see you smile and get brain freeze, I want to see how happy you are for the wonderful thing called life. I...I want to see you live. The video is running out already, cheap thing."_

 _"I love you."_

* * *

 _Mikoto closed the video, silent as he put his head down in shame._

 _One day, he would take her name and live a lie just like her and strive to be her. Lying about his age when he's far older than he actually is later in his life. Lying about identities and titles he has been given, being whimsy about XMinerCobra, fourth walls and chaos._

 _In truth, he was hurting and he knew it._

 _He looked at the camera, one last time and swearing he'll never eat ice cream._

* * *

Yuuta had tears running down his face. He ate and ate the ice cream as the other one was melting at the other table. He broke it, he broke his word like so many years ago. He forgot how truly old he was.

"Thanks Miori...for everything.." He looked around the place, "I-It is better than I expected." He ate some more as he cried.

* * *

Homura came home early that night because of Walpurgisnacht. She saw he ate all of the ice cream in his empty bowl at his end while the other end had only a bowl of melted ice cream. All the other ice cream from the box was all eaten by Yuuta.

He was happy.

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter- TEARS

"I'm here to fill the plotholes." Yuuta came in, "I'm old, very old. I've been living upon billions of years in other dimensions and already found ways to never again. I never resurrected Miori because heaven is a better place for her and I only showed up in Madoka Magica because I was bored."

Are you crying?

"YES!" He screamed out, "MIORI! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!? ICE CREAM!"

* * *

 **WELP THAT TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED.**

 **NEXT IS THE LAST CHAPTER!**

 **STAY** **TUNED!**


	12. Make a Story

Make a Story

* * *

 **Yuuta: THIS IS THE EEEEEEEEND?!**

 **Yup, the end of the fic. Hopefully it is long like the last chapter.**

 **Yuuta: My backstory though! THE BACKSTORY!**

 **So this is the final episode guys! Might be touching for a few viewers, the crack has never been high.**

 **I ALSO LIKE TO MENTION I BROKE A RECORD OF HOW MUCH WRITING I WROTE, FOR MYSELF I MEAN.**

 **Yuuta: Yay.**

 **REVIEW OR ELSE YUUTA WILL KICK YOUR ASS! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS FIC, SEVEN REVIEWS ARE SMALL BUT ARE WORTH SO MUCH. I AM HAPPY THANKS TO YOU GUYS AND I WILL MAKE FICS LATER IN MY LIFE WITH BETTER QUALITY FOR YOU PEOPLES.**

 **STORY IS NOW.**

* * *

"HOLY MOTHERFUCK!" A man screamed in the station, "THERE'S GONNA BE A SUPAH DOPAH STORM!"

"WHAT, A SUPAH DOPAH STORM?!" Another man screamed.

"YES, A SUPAH DOPAH STORM!"

"WELL PUT EVERYONE IN THE SUPAH DOPAH STORM SHELTAAAAR!"

"YAAAAAS!"

"YEAAAAAAAH!" The third man was busy wondering why his coworkers were dumballs.

* * *

"EVACUATE THE CITAAAAAAH." Ambulance people and police were busy trying to put people into the evacuation center, "GO TO THE CENTAAAAR!"

"No shit!" A civilian yelled back, Walpurgisnacht caused what seemingly looks like typhoon level destruction. Everyone in the city was crammed into the building.

"Um..." Madoka started, her four female friends, "Where is Yuuta-kun?"

"He said he will take care of Walpurgisnacht once all witnesses are put into the evacuation center." Homura answered, "He proves me to be more than capable."

"I feel guilty." Sayaka sighed, "Yuuta is an ass for a good reason and we just gave him ice cream. I'm feeling like he's gonna blow up the city because he's coo-coo!" She made a 'he's ducking insane'.

"I can check on him, if you want-" Kyoko was out back on the floor by Mami.

"Sakura-san, I know your hormones are going insane but you are Japanese, the Japanese knows better than everyone else." Mami reminded her, "Look at us...we all look kawaii."

"You're right." Kyoko plopped back on the floor, "I got an idea, let me see if you guys react to the most horrible thing you can ever imagine."

"Alright Sakura, bring it." Homura challenged and Kyoko dragged Sayaka to dress up. Moments later, Sayaka was dressed up in a fancy pink shirt and pants while Kyoko was dressed as a dog.

"Edward...Edward..."

"NOOOOOOO!" The three were attacked with feels.

* * *

Yuuta was in his bunker, formulating what to do without total annihilation of the entire city. His scarred hand waved over the map, "Uh, might go apeshit." He placed the camera on the table. Suddenly Kyubey went in.

"Hello Mikoto."

"Should I stuff Deadpool into your head again?" He questioned, "Don't piss me off while I'm doing intense planning, cookie." He summoned and cookie and bit it, "Best cookies ever. Homura would love this."

"Well the Mikoto, you will kill Walpurgisnacht?" Kyubey asked in curiosity, "The storm outside is being really heavy."

"I'm doing this because FUCKASS XMINECOBRA!" He yelled at the man himself, "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ON THE PACING ASSHAT!"

"There you go with your insanity." Kyubey said, "Ever since you exploded yourself, you are tapping things not even the Incubator race has driven. Abilities far advance from anything I have seen. You can stop entropy with a snap of your fingers."

"Natural cycle of the universe Kyubey! Humanity will die one day then you will go to the next race! Like a cycle really."

"Your point is?"

"The universe will end but because of the TINIEST, tiniest thing, it will be reborn because the universe doesn't want to fuse out. EVERY universe, every dimension, every multiverse...doesn't give up." He proudly declared, "And I appreciate the universe for that."

"What are you babbling on about?"

"Your race wasted a billion years in preventing the unpreventable." He fibally finished, "And because you are wrong, like any American, I can sue you for it!"

"What?" Kyubey was honestly confused, "Suing me?"

"After I kill Walpurgisnacht, I will SUE your race!" He announced, "BOO YAH!"

"You can't sue a race-"

"XMinerCobra can." He abruptly told him, "The Doctor Who universe is canon here so I shall meet you in the Shadow Proclamation!" He grabbed his camera and went outside, "I finally finished my fake talk show. Buttballs to my audience who don't exist." He looked at his camera, "Why did I record it on this thing?" He shook the camera a bit before putting it back in nowhere.

"I'll hope you die." Kyubey complimented as Yuuta left, "Hmph. I am serious about hoping you really die..."

* * *

Walpurgisnacht hovered over the city, giggling happily as her familiars scooted the area for any loose people to give witch's kisses to. Fortunately, not one of them found anyone and the familiars decided to guard the witch.

'I really don't know why I kiss people like a whore.' Walpurgisnacht thought to herself, 'Does that make witches all whores? Maybe not, maybe so-"

"HEY MOTHERMUCKER!" Walpurgisnacht turned to see Yuuta standing below her, looking tiny as fuck, "ARE YOU GONNA DESTROY THE CITY?,

Walpurgisnacht nodded.

"SORRY THEN BUT IF YOU ARE! I GOTTA KILL YOU! ARE YOU FINE WITH THAT?" Walpurgisnacht shook her head, "NO? SORRY BUT I GOTTA DO THIS!" Familiars surrounded him, "AFTER I TAKE CARE OF THESE GUYS!"

* * *

"Huh..." The five girls were watching Doctor Who, "So will there a Doctor Who anime yet?" Mami asked her friends.

"Nah, NO! NAH!" Homura answered like the Tenth, "ALLONS-Y!"

"Oh shit, her fandom is going high right now." Kyoko muttered, "Alright, we'll be...the five New Who Doctors."

"I am the Tenth because Tennant is awesome as always." Homura wore a blue suit and a brown overcoat, "What are you Miki?"

"I am the the Ninth." The bluenette wore a leather jacket, "Kyoko?"

"WAR!" Kyoko screamed out, "NO MORE!" She had a a scarf and jacket on.

"Shut it, younger me." Mami scolded, wearing a suit, "I'm Twelfth, Kaname-san?"

"FEZ!" She screamed out while wearing a fez, "I AM SPEAKING!"

"EXTERMINATE!" Kyubey wore a Dalek outfit and they screamed.

(just imagine this, it is beautiful)

* * *

"FORE!" Yuuta used a golf club and began walloping them to the witch by golfing her own familiars at her, "Are you dead yet? Can you at least stop making a helluvae storm? My scars are bristling over the winds!" To his surprise, the storm Walpurgisnacht was creating stopped, "THANKS!"

Walpurgisnacht gave him the middle finger.

"Rude." He shook his head, "My chaos rating to this fanfic has infected even the secondary villain!" He surmised to the audience, "There is no audience." He looked down depressingly.

Walpurgisnacht would frown if she still had a face.

"Hmm. Well, I gotta fight you with everything I got." He shrugged, "Fuck it. I'll just use the girls' Puella Magi weapons. Even Madoka WHICH SHE NEEDED TO USE TO BE USEFUL!" He took out Homura's shield, "Now, are you gonna play nice?"

* * *

"Madoka." Junko came into the girls' girl on girl session, "So are these ALL your friends. Hey Sayaka."

"Hi Mrs Kaname!" Sayaka waved, Junko eyed each everyone one of the girls sitting around her daughter until she spotted Homura, "Uh...Mrs Kaname?"

"THIS GIRL!" Junko lifted Homura up, "I CAN FEEL THE YURI RESONATE OFF HER!" Homura blinked, "UH MAH GAWD! MADOKA? ARE YOU BANGING THIS GIRL?!"

"N-No mama! N-No I'm not!" Madoka denied, "Can you please put her down."

"Madoka's mother! STOP SMOTHERING ME IN YOUR ARMPITS!" The ravenette screeched as Junko held Homura's head in her armpit, "I WANNA GO OUTSIDE MORE THAN THIS!"

"You hesitated on your sentence my child!" Junko accused, "You must be banging her!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"I am being very uncomfortable." Kyoko whispered to Mami as the two, daughter and mother bickered as Homura was being choked slowly.

Ew.

* * *

"BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!" Yuuta fired bullets from actual guns and Walpurgisnacht 'omega punched' him. He used the shield to deflect it (Homura never had that idea in a while) and he began rolling around the debris caused by the witch.

"Woah! I'm restraining myself from killing you." He commented, "Debris is everywhere and I don't want a few thousand dead people after I'm done with you.

"GRAAAAAAR!" Walpurgisnacht roared out and threw a fucking bus at him. He of course, waited for it to be inches above him before kicking it into the sky again and the bus exploded. Bits of it fells about and he grunted as some burns appeared on his hand.

"Eh...been worse." He looked at the scars, "Been worse Miori, been worse." He dodged again, as another vehicle was lunged towards him, "YOU WANT ACTUAL OFFENSE! I GIVE OFFENSE!" He manifested Mami's muskets and began firing shots the the witch, "YOU LIKE IT NOW?!"

It bellowed at him before releasing familiars at him, "Of course." He shot down each and every one from the sky, "Is that it-" He saw Walpurgisnacht was literally ramming towards him, "Oh shit."

He grabbed the musket by front and held it like a bat, "Now he's going for the kill, he's like that Babe Ruth movie where Babe Ruth cures that boy of cancer, nobody remembers this reference. Why am I doing it?" He whacked the witch, "AND A HOME RUN! STEROID LAWSUIT HAS BEEN WON!" Walpurgisnacht was knocked away into the sky, and it stopped midway.

"HEHEHEHEHE." It giggled happily to his confusion. Out of nowhere, fists came reigning down upon him as he fired wildly to shot everyone, he wasn't paying that much attention until the fists came at his face, "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" It laughed but stopped once it saw him crawl out of the ground, "EH?"

"Hmm. Spear time." He discarded the muskets and summoned a spear, "The long, long stick I wish to impale you with. Not lewd of course." He charged at the witch, "You know, I met a few girls who wanted to touch my long stick, a LOT actually."

"RAAAAAAHHHHH!" Walpurgisnacht began shooting more fists at him (I'm making this up as I go) and he deflected each blow with it.

"I mean, a lot of cute thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year old anime girls wanted it and I gave it. Never it was so...magnetic." He frowned and yawned as his hand kept deflecting blows. Walpurgisnacht grew tired and once that was shown to him, Yuuta slapped the witch with the spear.

"People would kill me if I ever had a Puella Magi group harem sex." He looked down in guilt, "Maybe, maybe not." He just kept beating the witch with an excessively long spear, "I mean, I would if the yuri fans weren't here."

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, BITCH-" The crowd of yuri fans were vaporized into dust by Walpurgisnacht who now had kicked the spear off him and began shooting lasers everywhere.

"Oh, cut off my long spear?" He repeated in a monotone voice, "TIME FOR AN AIRBORNE BATTLE THEN!" Sayaka's swords suddenly surrounded him and he jumped into the air, "LASERS PLUS SWORDS EQUAL STAAAAR WAAAARS!"

He jumped into the air and swords began hurling themselves towards the witch who tried defending herself with lasers to no avail, "WHOO FIGHTING IN THE AIIIIIIR!" He was literally jumping, blocking the lasers with telekinetic blades and throwing more at it, "I'M GETTING BORED HERE!" He shouted and Walpurgisnacht began firing more rapidly, "MIGHT GET TIRED-"

He was punched by a fist he didn't even care to see and he hit a building. He fell down to a *plop*, "Ow." He stood back up, "Cheap shot me." He saw Walpurgisnacht preparing for a mega laser, "Final attack?" He got rid of the swords and took out a bow, "Last resort."

"GRAAAAAH?" Walpurgisnacht shot a beam of pure grief at him and he pulled the string back and fired.

* * *

"OH JESUS!" The entire place shook, "I thought the storm died down a while ago." A man said, "Great, we're still stuck in here until the place collapses on us or until we die hearing five girls bitching about their fanbase."

"TOO BAD MOTHAMUCKER!" Kyoko held her middle finger in the air, "HAHAHA! I'M WAR!" The girls still wore their Doctor outfits.

"Umm..." Madoka adjusted the fez on her head, "Is Yuuta-kun done?"

"He's likely having fun and delaying it." Homura sighed, "The boy is a good actor and liar though." Everyone nodded in agreement, "Also your mother is crazier than all the timelines I met her." She shivered in fright, "Scary."

"Alright, we're girls with raging hormones, Sakura-san here wants to bang Yuuta-san." Kyoko frowned at Mami, "Here is the most sacred item." She took it out, "A buttball." She took out said object, "Most terrifying and more beautiful thing ever put on the shelves in kinky thrift shops."

"Sayaka-chan! Where did you get such a toy?" Madoka blushed, mainly due to Homura trying to reach up her skirt, "STOP HOMURA-CHAN~'

"I had so much win thanks to Yuuta." She smiled to herself as she kept trying to reach up the skirt, "Ahhhh."

"Akemi-san." Mami pulled Mami's hands off, "Do not be lewd, we are in a building which surprisingly fits every one who populates here." The girls just realized that everyone was staring at them in disgust and cringing.

"Do it in a room!" The man from earlier yelled, "Wait, scratch that, likely been blown up."

"Uh..." Kyoko gulped, "So how does the buttball works?" They looked at the object and poked in curiosity, "How do we fit it?"

"You must-" Sayaka paused, "Did you just realize it became deathly quiet?" There was silence, one that meant something just happened, "This is awkward."

"Hand me the buttball Miki, I know where to out it." Homura licked her lips at her dirty ideas, "Just give me." Madoka was busy hiding.

* * *

"Okay, you done?" The witch was burnt but still alive, "No? Huh, most witches are dead by now."

"GRAAAAAAAH!"

"Now you're yelling." He saw Walpurgisnacht charging at him once again, "YOU WANT TO FUCK WITH ME, THEN HAVE ME!" His gauntlets appeared on his hands and punched Walpurgisnacht into the air, "Whoops."

Walpurgisnacht roared at him once it stopped being knocked away, Yuuta jumped and began pummeling it in midair, "LIKE THIS MOTHAMUCKER?!" Every punch he gave hurt the witch dearly and he finally lifted the witch into the air and threw it onto a highway which collapsed once it landed.

"You can take it, can you?" He hovered over the witch (with magic, yay), "I'm gonna finish you off with a bit off...OP powers." Suddenly Walpurgisnacht was tried to the highway by chains, "Enkidu, so useful."

He went to the ground and clapped his hands, "Let me see how to kill you. With the a million mechs." He brought out every Gundam/Gainax mech ever made in the sky, "The Death Star." Another moon appeared in the sky, "Titans from God of War." Huge monsters came out of behind the buildings, "Maybe a bit lf this, that, there, over there."

Cybermen, 2012 meteors, Clannad FEELS, the yuri fans (who somehow were brought back from disintegration) turned into missiles, the Batmobile, a Fallout nuke, some billion airships straight from King Koopa and a billion more, topped and finished finally with Enuma Elish in Yuuta's hands.

"So...do you wish to scream?" He asked with a hint of sadism in his voice, "Are...a feminist?!" He blurted out. Walpurgisnacht shook her head, "No? I'll kill ya anyway."

Walpurgisnacht couldn't even scream as hell descended.

* * *

"You hear that?" Mami noted the silence, "It sounds like someone who disliked Gravity Falls."

"Hmm. Tomoe, the quietness is unbearable." Homura looked around, "I supposed Yuuta finished the job?"

"I guess the boy is tougher than all of us." Kyoko muttered, "Well, the unlimited grief seeds are great. Guess I need him for awhile..."

"You're trying to bang a boy who's thirteen you fifteen year old redheaded vixen!" Sayaka accused, "Trying to bang him after you tell me to break Kamijo-kun!"

"DON'T HURT ME!" Kyosuke screamed in the background hearing his name mentioned, "SHIZUKI-SAN! WHERE IS THE NEAREST HIDING PLACE?!"

"Here ya go Kamijo-kun." Hitomi began pushing a traumatized Kyosuke to safety.

"Do not tell me what I can't bang!" The two were bickering with each other until a man screamed.

"WOW, THE STORM IS GONE!" They cheered at that sentence, "Also a few million dollars in property damage bur either than that, we're alive!"

"I need to wear a blue suit." Kyoko murmured through the cheers, "Maybe a bowtie also..."

"But I'm Eleventh! I wear the bowtie!" Madoka fumed, "I can never have nice things!"

"Well they are right, the clouds have cleared up." Mami said, looking at the sky with a grin, "Well my goodness, who wants to play To the Moon?" Mami brought out her PC, "You don't know where I stuffed this."

"I do not WANT to know Mami-san." Madoka replied, "Alright let us see."

Later, five girls were noticed bawling.

* * *

"Phew, that was too easy! Good thing the thing gave me entertainment!" Kyubey stared in shock at the scene before him, Walpurgisnacht was nothing but ashes, the most powerful witch in history beaten by one person. Yuuta clapped his hands and everything he created vanished, "What Kyubey? Shocked?" Yuuta went next to him and Kyubey backed away a bit.

"Yes." Kyubey felt the entire hive mind shiver, "Yes I am."

"Well then..." Yuuta grabbed Kyubey by the tail, "You are coming with me." He began dragging the alien across the floor and to the evacuation center.

* * *

Yuuta walked towards the five in the evacuation center, "Hello ladies!" He waved at them and they waved back, "Walpurgisnacht is dead."

"Really?" Homura bow truly realized this person was OP, "Wow, wow, wow, wow." Homura began just saying 'wow' every second until Kyoko stopped her 'wows'.

"Well, I guess we all get a fucking happy ending." She shrugged, "But the problem is THAT." She pointed at Kyubey in his hands, "The fuck are we gonna do with him?"

"Yes, I agree with Sakura-san." Mami agreed the direness of the situation, "He cannot die, so how must we kill him?"

"Pound him in a pit forever?" Sayaka suggested, "Hey if the freaking Terminator can show up thanks to MatPat, then I'm going through all suggestions."

"No, we must think this is a clam an elegant matter." Yuuta told them, "I know elegant the best." They all laughed, "Laugh all you want, we are taking this to court."

"Huh, I wanna know your definition on elegant." Homura deadpanned much to his bemusement.

"We shall! Say bye to your parents kids because we are taking Kyubey's race to court!" He adjusted his tie, "I am experienced in law."

"I have a lawyer, he is me!" Kyubey warned and squirmed in his hands.

"Shut it!"

"Mama! I'm going to Mami-san's house!" Madoka called out.

"Good! Use protection!" Junko shouted out to her daughter's embarrassment, "I do not card if a mega storm just happened! Get home by dinner!"

"Sure thing!"

"Good!" Madoka turned back to her friends before making a gesture saying 'fuck that', "Which court?"

"Alright then, to MEGA court!" Yuuta clapped his hands and they teleported away.

* * *

They were in a courtroom in space, the Incubators in entire rows at the defendant side while five girls at the persecutors side. Kyubey was picked to represent their race as an attorney and Yuuta was the persocutor.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" Sayaka asked Madoka who shook her head.

"I am uncomfortable." Kyoko jittered, "Never though I'd be in court for a different reason."

"Presenting, his honor, Judge Yuuta." The bailiff (Yuuta) said and Yuuta dressed as a judge walked to his podium and sat down. Everyone had their jaws drop at this.

"Y-You can't be the bailiff, judge and persecutor!" Kyubey protested as his race, which are on the defense, discussed behind him, "You can't do that!"

"I'm not only bailiff, judge, and persecutor. I am also the jury." Yuuta went to the jury stand and gave a thumbs up to the five.

"I am pretty sure this is not how court works." Mami whispered to Homura.

"This is the Shadow Proclamation, we cannot do this!" Kyubey said, "This is supposed to be fair court."

"No, this is justice." Yuuta corrected, "This is how justice works, the defense gives your side of the story, the offense (which I represent) gives theirs while the bailiff (me) records and throws the records away, and the jury (which is me) and the judge (also me) decides who is telling the truth." Every last Incubator had their tails stand up, "It is called justice for a reason, JUST US. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"We are gonna fucking win." Kyoko murmured.

"Okay, I'll call the defense first to tell your story, but only Kyubey because you all share the same mind." Yuuta declared, "It is against the rules for you to be the same person and give stories with different bodies."

"YOU MADE THE RULES!"

"And yes I did Kyubey, now tell us your side of the story?" He commanded the alien, "Your entire race is on the line here." Kyubey went to to the witness stand.

"As you see, the Incubator race has worked various ways to stop the catastrophic thing known as entropy." He stated as Yuuta was typing it down.

"The theory that when the universe runs out of energy to use, we wish to prevent that by using the female species across the universe as magical girls to become witches." The girls scowled at that, "We did it for millennia across millennia."

"Asshat." Sayaka scoffed.

"Aw yes." Yuuta turned as persecutor, "So is this supposed theory is very complicated and the day that happens is also when humanity has died trillions of eons ago. I've been to the end of time and you are merely delaying it, not deleting it."

"We still attempt to slow it down, what will you do to save countless over trillions?" Kyubey questioned, "As Incubators, our entire society is dedicated to slowing the inevitable if not stop it."

"But that is the problem!" Yuuta pointed out, "You offer wishes, don't you?" Kyubey nodded, "That takes WAY much power than what you can get back from a witch."

"Um...yes?" Kyubey was nervous because he entirely forgot about it.

"Also every time you die, you are wasting at least nearly as much energy as a wish makes! And also the telekinesis talking? That is power being CONSTANTLY on, since forever." Yuuta smirked, "Hypocrisy at the finest."

"B-But our methods are completely making up for our usage in energy!"

"Kyubey is getting too desperate." Mami whispered.

"And may I remind that your 'methods' are STUPID." He slapped his forehead, "I mean, making magical girls to be giant monsters? How the fuck does stop the death of the universe?!" He sputtered out, "Who thought of this idea?!"

All the Incubators frowned at Joeyubey.

"Wow, he is good at this." Madoka nudged Homura, "Homura-chan, you are so lucky to have him." Homura punched Madoka in the butt, "KYAAAAH~"

"That was for saying that insult." Homura scolded.

"Your story is over, to my defenses!" Yuuta went and became judge, "Calling Sakura Kyoko to the stand!" Kyoko blushed, he was playing favorites.

"Alright, move the fucking way." Kyoko went to the witness stand, "Ask me the question."

"Ms Sakura." Yuuta turned into the prosecutor again, "Have you ever gotten attracted to an apple, romantically, in a family way or a sexual way?" Kyoko suddenly had tears forming at the ends of her eyes to everyone's shock.

"Y-Yes..." Kyoko sniffed, "I loved it like nothing else?"

"And how did you meet said apple where?"

"Abandoned at the sidewalk..." Kyoko was fucking crying.

"What did you two do together?"

"W-We walked around, get food but I never abandoned it."

"What happened to it?"

"I-I ran out of grief seeds, then suddenly it was become darker, I needed to make it not black anymore!"

"And why did you need grief seeds?"

"B-Because I was a m-magical girl and needed to get some to be stronger or I'll be killed faster."

"And point the person in this very room who made you said magical girl!"

"IT WAS HIM, IT WAS HIM!" Kyoko pointed at Kyubey who looked absolutely mortified, "HE DID IT! HE FUCKING DID IT! HE MADE ME EAT APPLE-KUN! HE MADE ME! HE MADE ME EAT MY BEST FRIEND!" Kyoko collapsed on the floor as everyone watched with absolute looks of shock.

"I rest my case." Yuuta went to the jury and 'booed' the Incubators and went back to being persecutor, "Anyway, you can go back to your seat." Kyoko ran back to her seat bawling.

"Hmm. Such cruelty from the defense." Judge Yuuta mused, "Next witness, Akemi Homura." Homura took the stand, "Now lady...no shooting of aliens in this courthouse." Yuuta warned.

"Alright then." Homura started, "I was admitted out of a hospital due to my weak heart condition..." In the next few hours, Homura began telling her life backstory (which is too forgettable).

"And that is how I got here-" Homura paused when she saw everyone sleeping, "Uh...Yuuta?"

"Huh?" He snapped himself awake, "Who's there?" He was now acting like an old man (which he creepily is technically), "Oh yeah, I'm a judge. That's it, you may sit on your chair!" He directed Homura back to her place.

"I am so tempted to shoot the judge." She muttered out loud and sat back down, Yuuta smacked the gavel down and woke everyone up.

"MAY MADOKA PLEASE RISE!" He screeched and Madoka nodded. She skipped towards the witness stand, "Okay, we'll ask you your side of what just happened."

"A-Alright. This is my first time in court after all." She took a breath, "It all started when-"

"Okay, shut it." Yuuta interrupted her, "To make things interesting, I'm gonna have to ask you various questions. Got it?"

"G-Got it."

"Okay, what would you measure your chest size." Homura's fury was restrained by Mami and Sayaka.

"W-What?"

"From Flat, to A, to B, to C, to double Ds. C'mon." Yuuta was the persecutor now, "I'm doing this to piss Homura off." Homura fury have no end, "C'mon, answer."

"F-Flat." She looked down in shame.

"Okay! Next question, do you believe yuri is forbidden love?"

"I do not think so..."

"Okay, good, last question." He gulped, "Are you ever gonna grow taller?"

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Homura leaped at him.

FOOTAGE NOT FOUND

* * *

"Okay." Yuuta was currently a judge who looked like he was jumped by hooligans, "Mami, to he stand." Mami walked towards the stand and passed by Homura dragging Madoka off.

"Okay then." She sat down in the stand, "Is there any twists am I supposed to do?" Yuuta was back being prosecutor.

"OBJECTION!" He screamed at her, "ARE THOSE BOOBS REAL?!"

"Yes...?" Mami answered with uncertainty, "I guess they are..."

"Can they shoot lasers of doom?"

"N-No..."

"Do they pummel our enemies with the fatness?"

"NO!"

"Can they emit gas that melts the skin off the people who refuse to bow to-" Suddenly Mami's mammies punched his face, "I KNEW IT!" Mami grumpily marched back. It was Sayaka's turn to take the stand.

"Miki Sayaka." Judge Yuuta said in a graceful voice, "Do you wish to know my fetishes?"

"Say what?" She repeated.

"I have a bunny suit, swimsuit, especially a meido fetish. I love all breast sizes." Sayaka had the must uncomfortable look ever made, "Oh I am not hitting on you. I am merely pissing the yuri fans."

"Asshole..." They gathered by the window.

"Enough. None of these conversations have proof that the Incubators have done nothing wrong." Kyubey butted in, "Even if you are judge, you have no power to punish an entire race."

"But I do!" He objected, "I have one last witness."

"Whom?"

"Me!" He went to the witness stand, "Jury, hold your applause." Yuuta on the jury stand stopped applauding, "Thank you. Anyhow..." He started, "The Incubators are asshats."

"Such a quotient compliment." Kyubey mocked, "Anything else?"

"Yes." He held a remote, "I distracted you guys to hack into your hive mind without you noticing. It was hard since you had all these security protocols but that's XMinerCobra for you." Every last Incubator stiffened, "This can teleport you anywhere across the multiverse."

"You can't-!" Kyubey protested, "Entropy will take over the universe if we are gone!"

"You know, you keep caring about how 'entropy will kill everyone' or 'for the greater good' but in truth, you guys are fucking confusing." Yuuta hovered his scarred thumb over the button, "Maybe I should send you to the Phantom Zone? The Ghost Zone? Maybe even the Dark Realm?"

"The Incubators will survive either way." Kyubey returned to his emotionless and logical state, "Bring your best shot."

"But first, as judge, I will force the lawsuit." He reminded, "Your punishment is to revoke all magical girl contracts. They cans still keep their wishes." He smiled like the prick he was, "Do it."

"You cannot stuff a soul from their soul gem back to the body." Kyubey stated factually.

"If you can get kidney transplants, you can do it with souls." He said to the alien, "AngryJoe will be so proud of me criticizing you for the tiniest things."

"Then you do it! We don't know how." Yuuta looked like he just committed a mass murder, "Uh no."

"You have refused to handle your sentence!" He spoke with high authority and disappointment, "As a result, by interuniversal space laws, you are here to be sentenced to a more severe punishment that involved time and space."

"What? NO." Kyubey felt like he just threw his soul off a bridge, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT-"

"Oh fuck yes I can! GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!" He smacked his gavel repeatedly on the podium before tossing the remote to Homura, "Press it woman! Dammit, you are my executioner of this courthouse!"

"Will do." Homura pressed the button and all the Incubators vaporized into thin air, not a single one left, "I have never been so satisfied." Homura sighed in relief, "It's over?"

"Yup!" Yuuta threw the gavel at the window and broke it, "Court is adjourned. How are you guys doing?"

"Well?" Sayaka replied unsurely, "Thanks?" At this rate, she doesn't know what to think because WTF just happened?

"Can I go home now?" Madoka requested, "I need to pee."

"Okay!" Yuuta clapped his hands, "We're getting ya'll a soul transplant."

All the Incubators were in a town somewhere. They looked around to see nothing around them but normality.

* * *

"Huh, guess that teleport failed." Kyubey mused, "Well, time to tempt girls-"

"HOODINI!" A man wearing an owl mask ran over all of them.

* * *

"HOLY FUCK!" Sayaka grabbed her sides and got out of the 'surgery' room stationed at Homura's home, "Who knew having your soul ripped out hurts like a bitch!"

Everyone else after Sayaka was busy rubbing where Yuuta had to 'stick your soul in a certain hole' which is not where it was implied to go. Swhat he meant was he had to circulate where he was supposed to remove the soul from the gem and make the soul go through a line into back where it was.

He could have done it easier but it would kill them.

Madoka had her soul put back in her ear (she was clutching them), Homura hsd it put in her eye (oh gawd), Kyoko had it put from her knee (she screamed for him to cut it off), and Mami had hers...you can guess..

"IT BURNS!" Kyoko groaned it, "MY LEG!" She tugged onto her leg in agony.

"Shut up Sakura, my eye is on fire and I'm not complaining." Homura was busy trying to get rid of the horrible pain in her eyes.

"Okay ladies, my work is done!" He picked up a suitcase, "Welp, I'm leaving this world for a bit! See ya!" Everyone nearly gagged at that sentence, holy fuck, did they hear what they just heard, "Huh? Why are ya'll gagging? Are you gonna miss me?"

"Um..." Madoka gulped a bit, "W-Why are you leaving?"

"My story is done! This is the final chapter after all! The yuri fans can finally leave me alone!" He happily declared, "But really, you guys gonna miss me?"

"Ayyyyyyyyeeeeee..." Mami trailed off.

"You may be hot..." Kyoko complimented, "But you're too much to handle."

"Even someone as an idiot as me knows that you gotta go!" Sayaka deadpanned, "Don't g-give me that look?" Everyone felt guilty as Yuuta looked offended and hurt.

"M-Madoka, you'll miss me, r-right?" He sounded like he was desperate, "Please? Be honest."

"Sorry Yuuta-kun. I am kinda afraid of you." She backed away, "No, really I'm really, REALLY afraid of you."

"Aw guys! You're making me feel bad for myself!" He turned to the last person, "Homura, why can't anyone even bother missing me?" Homura bit her lip, not knowing the answer, "Well?" He quietly repeated, "Should I leave?"

"Yuuta-no, Mikoto." Homura placed a hand on his shoulder, "I am not thinking the benefit from you but for the town, no the world. I...think you must leave." Homura told him.

"O-" He stopped himself, "Okay then, it was nice meeting you. Thank you Kyoko, Mami, Madoka, Sayaka and of course you Homura..." He shook hands with Homura, the girl felt each stitch on his hand, "I guess this is our goodbyes."

"Bye then." Yuuta smiled at Homura and he went towards the door, "What are you going to do with your life now?"

"Don't know. Eat some ice cream, contempt with suicide...I don't know." He didn't even look back, "I'm closing the door now. I hope you can make your own story. For me I mean." He closed the door, leaving the girls in silence after hearing him jump away.

"Okay!" Kyoko clapped her hands, "Who has cake?"

IT IS A LIE.

* * *

"Okay..."

It was summer vacation and Mami just graduated from middle school. Yuuta was telling the truth he would never come back. Madoka prayed he would find closure or something. Homura had no regrets sending him away (he was gonna do it either way) but was grateful for him. Kyoko was living with Mami, Sayaka moved on from Kyosuke. The yuri fans beat up Kyosuke. Hitomi helps Kyosuke recover, etc. Kyoko enrolled in school and was in the same grade of Madoka, Homura, and Sayaka.

Also Homura accepted banging Madoka, alright, moving on.

"Hmm..." All five girls were in Homura's house, "We have no magic anymore. What should we do in our free time?" Sayaka asked each everyone, "We Japanese are so perfect, we have too much free time.

"Play video games." Kyoko answered, "Western ones. We must play-" The doorbell rang, "Who'll get it?"

"I will." Sayaka went to the door and opened it, "If you guys are selling anything-" She paused, "Yuuta?" Everyone jumped out the couch and headed to the door, "THE FUCK?!"

"Hey ladies!" He greeted, "Missed me?"

"H-How, w-why?" Homura sputtered, she thought everything was better, "HOW ARE YOU HERE?!"

"XMinerCobra wanted this story to have a happy ending." He had a sheepish grin, "Sending me away and not missing me? I spent two million years not seeing you guys and you still question my sanity?"

"Oh dear..." Mami complained under her breath.

"You must have a reason for being back." Homura noted, "Tell me before I blast your brains out." She took out a pistol (she still keeps some in her panties or something).

"Oh yes! Yes yes." He looked down at his feet, "You can come out now..." To their shock and surprise, a child who looked no older than one came out behind his legs. She was small, had white hairs and wore a polka dot dress and was adorable nibbling on a slice of cheese, "Say hi Nagisa."

"Hello." She waved, the five older females nearly puked in shock.

"W-What...h-how?" Homura sputtered like all those months ago.

"Remember Charlotte's grief seed? I figured there is a bit of Nagisa in it so...I made her alive again but as a baby, had to raise her." Nagisa finished her cheese, "Now, I'm her dad."

"Moar cheese pls." Yuuta handed her another slice and she ate it, "Thanks papa."

"Anytime." He smiled at her, "Do you want me to teach you that explosive trick later?"

"Okay!"

Homura, Madoka, Mami, Sayaka and Kyoko, fainted.

"L-Ladies...?"

* * *

Yuuta's Shelter- The FINAL

"Oh phew! This fic is over!" Yuuta was feeding Nagisa cheese ice cream, "Do you like that ice cream!"

She nodded.

"Aw. Thanks, now I have to wake up Homura because she's on the ground by the doorway still..."

"PUREST LOVE!" Yuri fans yelled in the background before kidnapping the girls and force them to lewd positions.

oh no...

YUUTA TO THE MORNING RESCUE!

* * *

 **OKAY! THAT IS IT!**

 **BEEN A GREAT RIDE! HOPE YA'LL REVIEW! THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS AND THE VIEWS! YOU HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTING**

 **SEE YA LATERS!**

 **Yuuta: Asshat...**


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